In a Chicago hotel suite in October 2006, three UNC Fat Cats – aka The BOT3 – delivered their “We Have A Dream” speech to The Saviour of Miami (that’s what it said on his business card!) – aka Butch Davis. A dream that via The Wonderfulness That is Butch…. their beloved “Flagship” might one day BE LIKE LSU and ALABAMA.
On November 5, 2011 their dream came true – sort of. THE University of North Carolina (LIKE both LSU and Alabama) did not score a single touchdown in a football game.
I was “there” for 20 minutes. I went to The Carter Saturday morning to join good friend “Lobo” and family for a Bojangles’ tailgate. Not unexpectedly, a great deal on a ducat quickly presented itself. By the end of the first quarter, common sense won out. “Why am I here when a comfortable HDTV experience is available only a few miles away?” Why indeed. I saw the final three quarters via digital flat-screen technology. The same environment where I would later watch LSU and Alabama be “like UNC”. Rumor has it A LOT more folks watched the latter game than watched the former game.
The respective defenses that throttled LSU and Alabama were more formidable than the one that shutdown my alma mater; but the NC State defenders were quite sufficient to achieve its annual objective.
The hard-core wing of the UNC Lunatic Fringe has retreated into its Denial Bunker where it hides any time it gets butt-whupped. Blame will be poured out to all the usual suspects – “the cheating refs” – the media – that darn Holden Thorp – and, perhaps, a smidgen will even land here. A life led vicariously thru semi-literate young men is a life forever licked by the unrelenting fires of an unforgiving hell.
Was #5 any “bitter-er” than the four annual defeats that preceded it? How does one measure the beauty of a sunrise or the softness of a baby’s cheek? How does one measure the bitterness of a 5th straight beatdown in “a rivalry game”?
Within twenty minutes of 00:00 of “#5 in a row” – a long-time BLS disciple called-in to report he had received the traditional phone call from a UNC goober whining that “those cheating refs costs us this game with that stoopid holding call on the TD pass”. He left out the usual part about “those cheating refs are jealous of how wonderful our beloved Flagship is …..”
Use of the word “Flagship” by anyone affiliated with THE University of North Carolina’s Chapel Hill campus for the next 90 days is grounds for immediate be-headification.
Historians are scouring thru the centuries to find any motivational ploy to match Very Very Interim Ev’s ill-fated “Flagship speech”. The closest any one can find is General George Armstrong Custer’s “Take No Prisoners” speech to his 7th Cavalry on the banks of The Little Big Horn…. June 25, 1876.
There were dozens of very acceptable alternatives available to Everett Withers in getting his young men psychologically “up” to play the hated red-clad “Wuffs”. Ev coulda driven a tractor onto the practice field….. Ev coulda castrated a live wolf at the pre-game meal….. Ev coulda replayed Philip Rivers’ fumbled center snap from MNF….. Ev coulda done something silly with the word “amphibious”. Etc, etc, etc, etc…… but noooooo.
Interim Head Coach Everett Withers chose THE single most inappropriate issue he could come up with. Interim Head Coach Everett Withers bragged about the mythical wonderfulness of athletic academics at “THE Flagship”. The only way Ev mighta made a more colossal blunder woulda been naming Uncle Julius and Jennifer The Tutor as honorary game captains and had them on the field for the coin toss.
There is a bizarre theory afloat that Interim Ev, knowing he is a Dead Interim Coach Walking, figured “what the hell, I’m gonna REALLY embarrass this stinkin’ university that dared to persecute St Butch The Divine”. I don’t hold to that theory albeit St Butch and His Little Gang of Fat Cat Toadies could well have orchestrated such a prank. I am going to give Ev Withers benefit for more integrity than that. History will bookend The Fateful Fall of The ButchBunch Era with “the game ball goof” on one end and “the flagship fiasco” on the other. Technically “Marvin’s Tweet” started it all but lets just concentrate on the latest nightmare amid the pines.
There is still time for even more “said whats?” and “did whats?”. Butch & His Little Gang of Fat Cat Toadies could pull some colossal stunt in Kenan at the Duke game. Bruising a pathological victim’s massive ego has consequences.
My suggestion would be – the team’s pre-game entry from the tunnel on November 26 be preceded by Don Stallings, Bob Winston and Deems May spreading blue confetti in the path of St Butch The Divine riding in on a unicycle. The Marching Tar Heels playing “How Great Thou Thinks Thou Art”. ….. Rumors that Stallings, Winston et al are petitioning to rename Kenan Stadium – The House That Butch & His Buddies Indelibly Scarred are (probably) not true.
Alas, I will be in Baton Rogue that weekend on the 50 yard line of Tiger Stadium watching LSU vs Arkansas. If someone can capture the moment on video, I’d appreciate it.
Certainly…. Congratulations to TO’B and WolfPack Nation for the fifth year in a row. Is this how Clemson must feel playing basketball in Chapel Hill?
Buck up my fellow UNCers. It could be worse. Just call any Penn State fans you know. ….. Joe Pa’s version of Sgt Schultz with THAT MESS is going to make Butch’s and Jim Tressel’s versions look like amateur hour.