November03/ 2011

From Sea To Shining Sea….. America debates should Kim return her wedding gifts; while here in The Triangle it’s “Interim Ev said WHAT?

Marital bliss was short-lived for Our National Skank.  Kim & Kris are calling it quits after only 72 days.  At Occupy sites across America, aging Woodstock left-overs and other dregs of society stopped defecating on public property long enough to celebrate the unqualified success of yet another Kardashian publicity stunt.
In a VFW hut in Wichita, two veterans of D-Day looked at each other and asked rhetorically “remind me again, why we stormed Omaha Beach?”

Meanwhile at Ground Zero of Local Rivalry Week
….. Ya gotta hand it to UNC’s Interim Ev.  In two short months, this otherwise congenial gent has demonstrated a real flair for “Said WHAT!”  It seems like only yesterday that he formally honored the architect of UNC’s Most Humiliating Sports Scandal with a game ball because “I just felt like it.
Now, in the middle of Rivalry Week. the limbo coach jabs NC State with a non-sequitar insult about athletic academics.  Ev declared UNC is a far superior academic environment (for functionally illiterate plagiarists).   Even UNC’s bottom-feeding lunatics were caught by surprise by this one.   It was soooo off-the-wall.
Win or Lose Saturday, Interim Ev might “just feel like” giving game balls to Julius & Jennifer.   Somewhere Monty Python is taking notes for a new movie.
Meanwhile, on The Brickyard, angry Wuffs stopped chanting TO’B Sux long enough to make up 47 new “Carolina Way” jokes.
In that same VFW hut, those same two D-Day vets asked again “…. and why did we storm Omaha Beach?” ….. Near Topsail Beach “a woman named Dawn” is laffing her butt off.  …. as Silent Same weeps.

UPDATE !!!!  We have learned that Holden Thorp has personally apologized to NCSU Chancellor Randy Woodson for Withers’ thoughtless comment.  That is a classy move by Thorp …. AND will totally freak out the Deems Maye Faction off UNC’s Lunatic Fringe.

The Perfect Reacher is
…… Jim Caveizel IS “Jack Reacher” or, at least, he would be if BobLee was in charge.  Fans of Lee Child’s fictional laconic loner are reeling from rumors that Tom Cruise will play the movie version of the 6’5” 230 lbs former MP-turned solitary savior of distressed damsels.  The diminutive Cruise as “Reacher” is the casting equivalent of Justin Beiber as James Bond.
Caveizel, star of the current series Person Of Interest, would be a PERFECT “Reacher”.   Nothing makes sense any more.

On a more positive note
….. The likelihood of even more NBA games being cancelled was this week’s positive sports news unless one is Kim Kardashian’s soon-to-be-ex New Jersey Net.

Leroy Jethro Gibbs = Lucas Davenport
….. Mark Harmon will play John Sandford’s literary Minneapolis detective Lucas Davenport in an upcoming USA Network version of a Sandford “Prey” crime novel.  We applaud this casting.  Gibbs as the stylish Porsche-driving crime-stopper is “a winner”.

Am I the ONLY person in America who
….. Am I the only person in America not obsessed with Tim Tebow’s future as an NFL QB.  ESPN is now issuing hourly updates of Zogby Poll results re: Tebow.   Will the now-single again Kim K be issuing her opinion on Tim soon?   Tim may be the most persecuted Christian since John The Baptist.

The next Cardinal Manager
….. I’m touting Terry Francona to replace Tony LaRussa but I trust Cardinals’ brain thrust whoever they choose.   Do ya think Kim K will set her sights on David Freese next?  I sure hope not.

Just In from Columbia
….. When told of Interim Ev’s “academics” comment; World Famous Rival-baiter Steve Spurrier simply smiled and said “You’re kidding right. He really said that?  Damn, that’s bizarre.”

Is a Head Coach yacking like a google-eyed “board monkey” really a good thing?

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