October27/ 2011

…..Of Heroes & Heroics
….Thursday night’s Game 6 was a “WOW”!  As stated here earlier, I like both teams so each incredible play, especially in the final few innings, was “The Thrill & The Agony”.   St Louis homeboy David Freese achieved every boy’s dream – he was The Hero of Heroes – a backyard fantasy came true on Sports’ Biggest Stage.  It was indeed – “A Wow For The Ages!”

Another Albert Hits A Homer
…… Yesterday I was a posse-member as pal – “Prince Albert” Long – wowed a regional sports club.  Charlie The White Imp and I donned heavily tinted wrap-around RayBans and 10 lbs of bling to be Prince’s entourage.  Prince’s topic: Football Before Face Masks – One Man’s Memories.  
He was magnificent and very well-received at least by those attendees that had their Beltones tuned to the right frequency.
Bucky Waters has demanded equal time to refute every single story Albert recounted.

The Bullpen Brouhahahaha
….. I LOVED the Great Bullpen Telephone Brouhaha in Game Five.  A classic sports example of “for want of a nail a shoe was lost …….”. The normally “best baseball fans in America” in St Louis are calling for Tony’s head on a stick simply “because”.
Will MLB now go to text-messaging between dugout and bullpen?  Somewhere Casey Stengel is laffing his butt off.

“Gentlemen, Start Your Excuses.”
…… Tomorrow, we will hear “the most famous words in sports” in Indianapolis – “Gentlemen, start your excuses!” as Holden & Dickie plead for a chance to go to some obscure bowl game and collect more cheap watches.
I do hope Dickie uses his famous line from when he first realized there was mischief afoot in the tutoring department – “we could see it in their eyes….”   If he does, the look in the NCAA’s eyes should be priceless.

Black Santa On Deck
….. It could get crowded in the NCAA waiting room as John “Black Santa” Blake will be present to apply for his Good Conduct merit badge.  No one is real sure what version of “the dog ate my homework” this career criminal will be claiming but it’s sure to be classic.
Blake will be accompanied by former UNC halfback – Wade “Plea Bargain” Smith.  Wade specializes in repping mass murderers, lacrosse players, crooked coaches and – most heinous of them all – Democrat politicians.  Ol’ Wade stays very very busy.

Whose Lawyer is Who?
….. For those keeping score on Whose Lawyer Is Who – Joe Sasser is Butchie’s barrister.   “Seersucker Joe” Cheshire is Jennifer The Tutor’s mouthpiece.  The poor schlub that got stuck with Michael McAdoo has quit law and is now running a bait shop on Jordan Lake.

More “and Furthermore” Letters
…. Remember that angry hairshirt writing the Furthermore diatribes defending Poor Poor Pitiful Butch?  He’s still got his AK-47 set on Full Automatic and is assaulting my buddy with spittle aspewing.
St Butch is apparently using his infamous recruiting skills to assemble an army of mercenary Furthermore Letter-writers.  Oh me, Oh my!

“…. is pretty remote!”  YEEEE Haa! 
….. This conference shuffling has passed well beyond any reality.  Boise State is being wooed by The Big East – The WAC – The Sun Belt – The Ivy – The CFL – and The Norris Division of The NHL.  …. West Virginia is so mad that Senator Jay Rockefeller burned a sofa in Chuck Neinas’ front yard.  ….. Louisville is offering free Papa John Pizzas to anyone that will rescue them from The Not Very Big East.
 TRUE STORY – The all-time best line so far came from Oklahoma State Sugar-Daddy Oil Mogul Extraordinaire T. Boone Pickens who expressed concern that “West Virginia is pretty remote!”   The Convention&Visitors Bureau of Stillwater, OK promptly named T. Boone it’s Man Of The Year.

Wuff Graduation Rates Panned
….. Long suffering “Carolina Way” devotees finally got a chance to hoot back this week.  A specious report came out that has NCSU last in the ACC on some bizarre complicated scale measuring athlete academic matriculation.  Quicker than you can say “just one pair of tennis shoes”, Wuff-loonies were checking the report for Pete Golenback’s DNA or, at worst, Claude Sitton’s.
Wuffs immediately screamed “We offer Nuclear Engineering and other really hard stuff too!”   Neglecting to mention that no Wuff-athlete has gotten anywhere near any engineering building since Hawkeye Whitney used the restroom during a surprise rainstorm in 1971.
NCAA Reports are like political polls – the only “valid ones” are the ones you happen to agree with.
In other news:  The Tar Heel Sports Network is auditioning Swahili-speaking play-by-play announcers to attract its ever-growing fan base in East Africa.
 NOTE: For those of you not attune to clever marketing gimmicks – this segment is a fine example of a technique known as “p*ss’em ALL off at once!”  

Dear Friends: “the inmates” are not simply running the asylum – They own the freakin’ place fee simple – lock, stock and straight jackets. 

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