Those Chinese Still Don’t Care

June26/ 2011

With one column a week I have time for research.  I contacted My Man in Beijing to learn what those 8,000,000,000 Chinese care about these days.  .   

This may shock you:  The UNC Football Mess came in at #47 behind “why is the “T” silent in tsunami?’.   You are not Chinese; you DO care about the latest threshhold crossed in The UNC Football Trainwreck.

Hang in there.  This will lose its news value in 3-4 more decades.  We also introduce THE #1 Nightmare of every Wolfpacker – “That Guy”.

NEWSFLASH:  Jones Angell chosen to replace Woody Durham as “Voice of”.  A good choice!


Sgt Schultz Dummies Up & Silent Sam Weeps.

Q: Did Butch know?  A:  Butch hired John Blake to “lure” top recruits away from the SEC. How he did it was irrelevant.  Butch was delighted with John Blake …. until Blake got caught.  Butch is either a fool or a liar.  Neither is worth $2,300,000/year.

Q:  Why has UNC kowtowed to Marvin, Little, et al.?   A:  So they won’t poison the pipeline of incoming / upcoming recruits.  Marv fancies himself as a major influencer of aspiring Marvin wannabees.  The Butch Way needs a happy Marvin.

Q:  Does Butch intend to run a clean ship from now on?  A:  Butch intends to not get caught again.  Butch’s Way is to stock the roster with rogue SEC-types and hope they don’t do really stoopid stuff.  If they do, don’t tweet about it.

Q:  Is “the buy-out” a factor?  A:  Yep  Q:  When will the cost of covering up for Butch be greater than the buy-out.  A:  Pretty soon.

Q:  Who are the real architects behind this trainwreck?
A:  Bob Winston, Paul Fulton and John Ellison – The Big Rams / BOT members ( “The BOT3” ) who actually hired Butch.  They are not loud, obnoxious braggart SEC-types.  All three men are refined city father types who may have made only two big mistakes in their entire lives.  Alas, their two big mistakes have indelibly stained an institution they love.

Their 1st mistake was well-intentioned – buying UNC a seat at The BCS Poker Table by hiring “a Butch” with no due diligence.

Their 2nd mistake was the fatal decision to not ‘fess up to their first mistake – and to back Butch’s Sgt Schultz’ ploy – CRASH !!!

Bob, Paul and John’s boyish desire for Braggin’ Rights overpowered their sound business judgment.

Q:  Is Dickie “a factor” in any of this?   A:  No.  This has been “above Dickie’s pay grade” since Marv hit SEND on his tweeter.  Dickie’s role is making obtuse excuses to the media.  No one else can do that and keep a straight face.

Q:  Do I still support Holden Thorp?   A:  Yes.  Holden Thorp is a very good man and deserves better than this mess.  Bureaucracies are complicated.  He got boxed in early and is now superglued to Sgt. Schultz.

Q:  Is the “wrist slap option” still a possibility?  A:  No.  Q: As bad as USC?  A: Probably not quite that bad.

Q: Could Butch be gone by Labor Day?   A:  Not likely.  Unless Butch DNA is found at one of the several crime scenes Sgt Schultz’ survives (for now).

Q: Has UNC been totally forthcoming in all this?   A:  Would you be if you were them?  What’s to be gained by turning over incriminating evidence?  I mean REALLY!


My Wolfpack (and UNC) friends are level-heads who don’t run with scissors, and only wear a tin-foil hat on rare occasions.  …. and there’s Bob Kennel (!!).  Thru them I gauge the rational state of WuffNation.  My Wuff friends are getting a bit jiggy about this.  Wuffs don’t give a rip about Butch, Blake or Baddour.  They DO CARE about….“That Guy”.

Every Wolfpacker has one or more “that guy” –  that very obnoxious UNC jerk they run into 4-5 times a year at a social or work function.

The scenario is always the same.  Two minutes into any conversation “that guy” will:  (1) tell an Amphibious joke; followed by (2) a Chuck’s shoes and sunglasses jab.  A 50-ish man chortling at his own cleverness saying “Moo U” is scary.  Very scary.  Every Wolfpacker wants his assigned “that guy” to eat sh*t from a wooden spoon and beg for more…. but that ain’t ever gonna happen.

The outcome of Butch Mess will have ZERO Effect on UNC “that guys”.  Over-the-top obnoxiousness survives any scandal, any four straight (and counting) losses …. you name it.  “That Guy” is going to keep on harassing his assigned Wolfpacker from beyond the grave.

“That Guys” are the Ninjas of The Carolina Way.   Obnoxious jackasses completely impervious to any reality.  If WolfNation measures “success” by putting “that guy” in his place it’s too late – he’s already there.  Imbedded in the epicenter of The Brickyard.

NOTE:  There are Wolfpack “that guys” too but UNCers are oh so much more obnoxiously effective.

It’s not about The Well or The Bell or The Way; not about taxpayer dollars or NCAA bureaucracy.  Amid all the teeth gnashing and self-righteous indignation, it’s ALWAYS & ONLY about:

Wuffs want The UNC Board of Governors to “get involved”.  The BOG ain’t touching this mess no way, no how.   Hypocritical and a slap in the face to the other 16 member institutions – Sure.  So what. ….. But The BOG got involved in lynching Jimmy V?  So, whats your point?

With The BOG’s ostrich position, the Angry Brickyard Lynch Mob (ABLM) is now petitioning The World Court @ The Hague and reconvening the Nurenburg Trials.  NC Governor “Dumplin’ Perdue has acute Tru-Blue Flu.  She thinks “Butch” is a homophobic slur.   No help coming from Dumplin’.

 Q:  Why has Little Johnny Swofford not uttered a single statement?   A: That answer is too obvious to bother with.

Paranoia was the Official Wolfpack Psychological Disorder BEFORE this.  Now It’s epidemic.  Yes Wuffs, you might get hosed this time too.

Speaking of Wuffs getting hosed:  (UNC covert agent) Todd Turner ran Ray Tanner out of NC State.  Whatever happened to Ray?  Did he amount to anything?  Ouch! …. “Two Rings Ray” wins back-to-backs at CWS !!!

Barking board monkeys don’t matter.  Nobody listens to barking board monkeys not even other board monkeys.  Call in the Big Guns – Randy, Wendell, Frau Yow, TO’B, Purcell, Cowher, Peaches, that Howdy Doody nitwit McQueen (OK, maybe not him!).   Have power players demand justice.

A gang of Wuff board monkeys TP-ing Bob Winston’s mega-mansion behind Carolina Country Club might make a difference.  Maybe a few Chinamen would take notice of that.



A Tale of Two Hills

  While composing this column I explored a new walking trail which took me thru the  grounds of the notorious insane asylum Dorthea Dix Mental Hospital – aka “Dix Hill”.   Walking thru Dix Hill while thinking about the insanity over at Chapel Hill …. I noted the irony.

I suppose I should mention that Dix Hill, Central Prison and NC State Univ are all located adjacent to one another.  Yet another delicious irony.  Indeed!

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