How Come Dey Do Dat ?

April02/ 2011

Three befuddling “How Comes”.   These befuddlements strike at human nature in general.  Sports, and politics, require poking around in the dank nooks and crannies of the human psyche.

(1)    Prince Tassel Loafer “said WHAT?” AGAIN regarding the Lingering Unpleasantness and “Pro (& Perps) Day”.
(2)    Lots of $$$$ does not make stoopid tacky people any less stoopid or less tacky?
(3)    My board monkey radar malfunctioned. I opened the door and a zombie fan stumbled in …… aaaiiiieeee!

In the limitlessness void of the cosmos it does not matter what color helmet Tweetin’ Marvin Austin wore in an All Star game.  Nor does it really matter if Marvin, Robert Quinn and Greg Little run around in Kenan Stadium on Pro (& Perps) Day.  If I had a say, I would say neither serves the best interests of the reputation of Univ of North Carolina.  I do not have a say.  I do however have this website.

UNC poobahs who do have says decided to publicly announce that the preening perps who reduced UNC to “a punch line” last Fall have been sufficiently contrite.  Led by AD Richard “Dickie” Baddour, The University has wrapped its lovin’ arms around said bunch of perps and welcomed them back into its institutional bosom.

Thursday Dickie babbled out enough manure to fertilize every azalea in Augusta next week.  Dickie spewed out more fertilizer justifyin’ Marv‘s Gang Coming To Pro (& Perps) Day than Timothy McVeigh needed to blow up The Federal Bldg in Oklahoma City.

Per Dickie; by welcoming The Gary Wichard Memorial Traveling Squad & Tutor Boys back into UNC’s institutional nuturing bosom, UNC administrators were performing an act of such grace and magnanimity to cause Mother Teresa and Albert Schweitzer to break into a hip hop version of Hark The Sound.  Even Ramses gagged on Dickie’s effusive effluent.

UNC inviting Marv’s Gang to Pro (& Perps) Day is equivalent to Jim Tressel selling his sweater vest to get tattooed – “I’m Terrell Pryor’s homie – Go Bucks”

This mess is creating more fumbles than a blind midget wearing oven mitts trying to juggle a bowling ball, a porcupine, and a jelly doughnut.  The cover-up and half-assed “damage control” has far exceeded the original violations.  They WERE rule violations

…ONE pair of tennis shoes … 

no matter how thin anyone wishes to slice them.

The assorted misdeeds on Butch’s watch easily rise to the level of “one pair of tennis shoes” and “recruitment of individuals not on academic par with normal admissions standards”.  Those got Valvano fired and propelled NC State basketball into multi-decades of hoop purgatory.

What cost Jimmy V his job, only cost Butch a few extra sideline passes for BOTBob Winston and his Trustee buddies.  Sweet deal, Butch.

Speculation brews that this “all is forgiven, lets have a team hug” crap is fueled by a dark cloud of legal actions threatening UNC.  Not only from The NCAA, but from attorneys for Marv’s Gang.  Butch’s Sgt Schultz act may be hiding the reality that he not only knew, but was personally involved in the shenanigans of Marv, Blake, Wichard, Hawkins, et al.  Butch hid behind Bob Winston while The Travelin’ Squad got hung out to dry …… and how come only black players got busted ???  There’s speculation abrewin’.

Dickie’s Forgive, Forget & Kumbaya mini-sermon did NOT mention:
1.    Renaming the UNC track for Marion Jones
2.    Giving Lawrence Taylor a master key to Sorority Row … or
3.    Naming Bart “The Bible Is Baloney” Ehrmann as team chaplain

The N&O’s on-line story of Pro (& Perps) Day drew a comment from a delusional Heel loon  (TRUE) – “We’ll stop when Auburn and Ohio State stop.”  

I’m old enough to recall when Carolina compared itself to Harvard and Yale.  Kindly Ol’ Bill Friday and I both prefer the old timey comparison.  Howsabout you?


It does not require “class or character” to accumulate a lot of money.  Just build a better mousetrap or sell enough mousetraps and you can get filthy rich.  Buying a lottery ticket doesn’t require you to take an oath or spell A-U-B-U-R-N.

Auburn is not embroiled in “another” cheating scandal.  Auburn has been permanently embroiled in one continuous cheating scandal since Bear Bryant was a cub and Shug Jordan was teething.  Auburn Football is dirty is like “The Sahara is sandy”.

I’ve seen $100 handshakes.  The ones I saw were not the first.  Jim Thorp got busted for taking money.  Hellfire, maybe Phidippedes got a 100 drachma handshake when he ran from Marathon to Athens to say the Greeks beat the Persians.   What I’ve never understood is why?

An avid fan accumulates more money than he knows what to do with.  He buys an ostentatious house, filling it with tacky furniture.  Buys himself a buxom wife and wraps her in pleather and Jimmy Choos.  Buys a big tacky boat …. lots of showy cars and eventually an RV bigger than Willie Nelson’s.  He runs out of bottomless holes to throw his $$$$ down so he starts handing it out to defensive tackles, linebackers and wide receivers in post-game income redistribution rituals.  Why do he do dat?  

Give it to Habitat For Humanity …. Sean Penn’s Haiti Relief Scam …. that homeless veteran (wink) with the misspelled cardboard sign on the exit ramp … or give it to defensive tackles, linebackers and wide receivers.

Auburn’s current coach Gene Chizek (who knew nuthin’ about Cam Newton stealing laptops or Cam’s daddy’s shakedowns) is, of course, claiming to know nuthin’ about this mess either.  Gene was a coordinator at Auburn when these latest revelations took place.   Gene hopes to add Clueless Coach of The Year to his other honors.  Bruce Pearl and Jim Tressel are his competition.  Lane Kiffin won it handily last year.

I can NOT confirm that Dickie was so impressed by Gene Chizik’s’s “know nuthin’” act that he also invited Gene to UNC’s Pro (& Perps) Day.  Why not?


I’ve met him.  His eyes are not crossed and both thumbs are opposable.   Before I knew it, a snarling Lupine board monkey was in 3rd stage hydrophobia.  I had to power-wash my monitor.

He was anxious about Frau’s coach hunt.  Despite my supportive comments that Frau is working a plan that will bear fruit, he went “monkey mad” on me.  I’ve dealt with countless rabid monkeys over the years of every partisan persuasion.  My monk-dar is pretty keen.  I missed the signs this time.

As evidenced in that top segment, I’m pretty rough on UNC officials.  I don’t enjoy it any more than a fireman enjoys running into a burning building.   Cats pee on the rug ….. babies soil diapers ….  UNC officials says and do dumb stuff.  Don’’t like it?  Don’t get a cat – don’t have a baby – don’t follow UNC.

I’ve got boxes in my attic filled with dumb stuff that Dickie, Roy and Butch have actually done.  It’s all fair game.  This guy dug into the sub-basement of and started slinging hard-core Wuff-porn.

I’ve heard worse.  It wasn’t like the Heel nut-job last Fall swearing “I’m gonna git you BobLee”.  I knew that whacko was crackers from the first #$%^&.   This one has a big boy job.  He wears a suit and uses cutlery.  If I can be fooled ….. I’m really worried about you folks.

How Come Dey Do Dat ?
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