Provo Prudes & Marvin’s Laundry Man

March04/ 2011

Those goofy Mormons !  Except goofy Mormons aren’t the goofy ones this time.  It’s all the non-Mormon-nutzos across the fruited plain who are hoppin’ like crickets on a skillet …. Misinformation is spewing forth like a busted BP oil well in The Gulf. ….. Meanwhile we got a positive ID on Marvin’s Laundry Man.  “Uh oh!” looming for BOTBob.

It seems Brigham Young’s bunch (ala “those Provo People”) have dismissed one of their top basketball players for violation of the Brigham Young University Rules of Conduct.   The kid admits he did “it”.  “It” being willful participation in pre-marital sex.   “It” was not done in the backroom of a Starbuck’s nor while high on a glass of Lipton’s finest; but all parties agree ‘twas done.  No one is playing the Slick Willie “is” card.

Mormons and Democrats both have some strange beliefs.  Mormons actually have morals along with theirs.  I’m sorry.  I couldn’t resist. …. Freshman orientation at most BCS schools include receiving discount coupons for the local abortion clinics.  BYU employs a more pro-active approach.

The now-former Cougar in question admits his guilt and, very remorsefully, has accepted the dire consequences of his actions.  BYU fans around the world wish he hadn’t done it, but somehow hold their religious tenets as more important than a #1 seed in March Madness.  Establishing a new definition for “religious extremism”.


BREAKING NEWS:  Roy’s Boyz thump K’s guys in convincing fashion.  Mamma Drew named UNC MVP by unanimous vote.  Without her yanking Larry, Heels would still be in chaos.  Roy smiles for first time in 23 months.

Phyllis George thinks 22,000 came to see HER!  God loves divas too.


A member of The BLSays Inner Circle is a closer-than-blood kin with BYU football legend Ty Detmer.  Ty and fellow BYU sports legend Danny Ainge have each publicly endorsed both the strict Rules of Conduct and this recent enforcement of it.  Heisman winner Ty was not a Mormon when he entered BYU as a freshman but converted during his 4-year record-setting career there.

Silly me …. I give Ty and Danny’s opinions more merit than 37,000 screeching board monkeys who blurt “all Mormons are nutty geeks on bicycles or sappy Osmonds.”

I don’t know much about Mormons.  I knew one Mormon Family growing up in my small Southern town in the 50-60s.  They were fine people and, I’m pretty sure, were not polygamists nor did they cut out their enemies’ hearts atop great stone pyramids.  As a Southern Baptist I am quite sensitive about judging any religion sect by its most extreme practitioners.

BYU has won one more Football National Championship than has my alma nater and has had A LOT more NFL QBs than my alma mater.  “None” being our total so far.  Admittedly this current brouhaha is of the hoops variety and TDD’s rafters are much more crowded than are that Mormon Tabernacle’s.   If BYUers prefer non-caffeinated virgins representing them then I say “Praise the Lord and bounce pass the ammunition.”

BYU has very very strict Rules of Conduct.  UNC has Trustees with severe Auburn-envy.  I see both as intra-institutional decisions.

A clever seque…..


The laundry man in UNC’s Great Unpleasantness has now been identified.  At

“never knew nuthin’ bout nuthin’ “…

least one of’em.  It was an assistant football coach at Marvin Austin’s high school.  Slimeball Agent Gary Wichard laundered Marv’s quite illegal travel funds thru this inconsequential little fish so bigger fish could claim “I never knew nuthin’ about nuthin’…..”   No one much cares about “little fish”.  Their only value is as chum to snare big fish aka “the knew nuthin “ guys.

The NC Secty of State investigators handling this particular looky looky are a tad more big boy than the Keystone Kops from the NCAA.  UNC Fat Cats might be wondering what it might take for Governor Dumplin’  to “make this all just go away”.  Ya know what I mean Vern?

Who’s to say whether this will end up on Sgt Schultz’s desk high atop Kenan’s lofty pines or simply give our old friend BOTBob Winston a migraine to beat all migraines.  It probably will NOT turn out as good for UNC faithful as Larry Drew’s quitting has turned out.

Here’s a question for hard-core UNCers.  Which player defection created less of a ripple in University Lake – Larry Drew or Mike Paulus.  I mean “really”!  Larry Who?

Hard-core Wuff lynch mobbers still stick pins in their “death penalty” voodoo dolls and will do so for the next several decades regardless.  UNC ostriches are ODing on Butch & BOTBob Kool-Aid.  Acting as the Official Fulcrum on this extreme partisan teeter-totter I suspect the verdict lies in-between.


“BobLee, who should I write to?” ….. That question was asked of me earlier this week.  The context of the question combined with the asker took it very high on the Yeeeee Haaa-O-Meter.

It will dishearten many to know that readership here includes more than a few with impressive Q-ratings (celebrity name recognition). The question asker has a 5-Star Q Rating in OldWellNation.

Recall a segment of The Boy In The Banana Suit about “Tyler Zeller Did What?”  This is Tyler Zeller Did What – Chapter Two.

He wanted to know who to complain to about the extreme involuntary manslaughter he saw inflicted upon Tyler Zeller during the Tar Heels recent trip to Tally Hassy.  It was more than twelve hours after the perceived crime but his passion was off-the-chart.

I noted either Little Johnny The Commish or John Clougherty – aka Mr Head Referee of The ACC.  But suggested he wait another 24 hours before doing so.

Sensing a teachable moment, I related my recent experience sitting among several 100s Big Wuffs at The RBC.  Average age of the Big Wuffs being “in their 50s” and average home size 4,000 sq feet or larger.  These were not snaggle-toothed bozos stewing in Mamma’s basement.   Their maturity and decision-making abilities notwithstanding, they saw Tyler Zeller’s on-court physicality to be excessive.

What did I think?  I was thinking “I’m gonna get at least two columns outta this foolishness.”  This is the second one.

Did he write his letter on Tyler’s behalf?  Naaah, I talked him off that ledge.  Will he see such situations more ecumenically in the future?  Not a chance.


Q:  BobLee was the above the silliest such instance you’ve ever heard?  A: No.  That goes to the very sincere Iron Duke a few years back that was convinced that “that other Tyler” purposely stuck his nose on Gerald Henderson’s elbow.  That one will be hard to beat.

Sometimes it’s lonely being me ….. but it’s never dull.


The Phil Knight-financed Oregon Ducks are about to be shot out of the BCS sky for major skallywaggying in Texas.  Schools that rise to the top quickly usually do so with lots of smoke and lots of mirrors.  The Eyes of Texas are upon outsiders when they come recruiting their youngsters.  You better duck, Ducks.

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