“Give us your dollars, but not your two cents” – Saga of The UConn Fat Cat

January29/ 2011

Big Story out of Storrs – UConn Fat Cat mad about the weak ROI on his investment in Huskies sports.   The recent report of the UConn mega-booster wanting his millions back garnered predictable reactions – (1) from rank/file non-fat cat goobers across BCS World ….. (2) from other fat cats who “invest” in their own college sports programs of choice.

NOTE:  We discovered a hidden queue of unentered BLSays subscribin’ wishers.  Howdeeee!!  Also, 100s of Afghani tribesmen with a religious aversion to the use of vowels.  Their e-address legitimacy is under scrutiny.  If you are receiving this by mistake simply “unsubscribe”.


Robert Burton has given umpteen dollars to Univ of Connecticutt Athletics.  “Umpteen” is a very relative term.   To a homeless guy, a quarter would be a windfall.  To the current political regime at 1600 Pennsy Ave, $250,000 is “too rich”.   Regardless, any individual giving multi-millions as a sports booster is a fellow with some discretionary scheckles in his Dockers.

To quote someone pithy ….. “The Rich are different.  They have more money than the rest of us.”  How The Rich” choose to spend their money has long fascinated the common man (aka untermensch / great unwashed).  Giant cribs ….. fancy rides ….. lots of bling bling ….. walk-in humidors ….. home theaters with popcorn makers ….. arm candy w/ pneumatic breasts ….. personal trainers named Lars ….. three of everything in Sky Mall ….. and access and input to decisions re: their favorite college teams.

EVERY big time college sports program has its Robert Burtons.  Call’em Mo Koury, BOTBob Winston, Wendell Murphy, Moricles, Boone Pickens, Maceo Sloan, Bobby Lowder ….. be they self-made moguls or manor-born silverspoons, they write checks with lots of zeros expecting “something in return” for each zero.  Defining “something in return” is where it gets dicey.  Being “Don Rickled” in public by your coach is not on any Fat Cat Short List.

Joe Paterno coached Methusala’s daddy so he has said a lot.  Supposedly JoePa said re: boosters ….. “Give us your dollars, but not your two cents.”  Something “Two Rings” agrees with.  Every coach with every big time college program agrees.  BUT: $$$$ = $.02 like it or not Coach.

Back to those two stereotype reactions:

(1)    Rank/file Great Unwashed have always held corpulent felines in great disdain because:  (A) Fat cats have lots more $$$$ than your garden variety board monkeying goober.  $$$$ manifests itself in creature comforts that goobers dream about while buying lottery tickets at the local 7/11.   “Class envy” is epidemic among the untermensch.

….. (B) Influence with one’s preferred college sports program should – by goober logic – be limited to goobers (aka “real fans” cough, wink, guffaw).  Not extended to fat cats at all. ….. Should a wealthy alcoholic get to ride a Clydesdale? …. (C) Repeat (A) above because class envy is really the key to it all.

(2)    No Fat Cat would ever see himself as “a Robert Burton-type”.  Of course 96.6% of Fat Cat Boosters ARE “Robert Burton-types”.   They expect their umpteen $$$ to buy them something special.  Preferred seating is a given as well as refrigerator magnets, window stickers, media guides, key rings, and being kowtowed to by the elevator operator that wisks Fat Cats, and their kittens, to their climate-controlled suites high above those afore-mentioned jealous goobers.

After enjoying the bag o’ logoed swag and the kowtowing, what else might one expect?  Depending on the ego of each Fat Cat, “being in my AD’s and Head Coach’s speed dial with my very own ring tone” is a popular perk.

NOTE:  At UNC, “ringing up Dickie” is not a factor.  Prince Tassel Loafer, bless his heart, still has a rotary phone.   What  value is influence with someone with none?

… influence with someone with no influence ??

OK, not entirely true.  Dickie IS in charge of (1) Not doing due diligence when hiring notorious Asst Head Coaches with rap sheets from here to South Beach …. and, just this week ….. (2) Promoting the Assistant Associate Athletics Director for Compliance to Associate Assistant Athletics Director for Compliance with a raise and her very own Jennifer Wiley The Tutor bobblehead doll. …. Reports that Dickie gave John Blake a Music City Bowl watch are (probably) not true.

This Compliance Director promotion thingy has flumoxed OldWellWorld even more than Marvin Wearing A Blue Helmet.  LOTS of flumoxing around Chapel Hill in recent months.

I hereby Declare:  Fat Cats have every right to special privileges once they qualify at the coveted “Damn, that’s a helluva lot of money” Level.

Any well-paid coach or admin who resists this concept should go to work for a ‘guvmint agency where surliness to paying customers is considered a virtue.

At Wake Forest, $60,000/year gets one into The Moricle Society.  Only 20-or so Deacons qualify.  Ron Wellman and Jim Grobe know each of their names, their birthdays and their personal opinions of a 3-4 versus a 4-3 defensive scheme.  I think Ron and Jim SHOULD know that.  So do Ron & Jim …. and 20 or so Moricles.

This pissed-off guy w/ UConn does have one thing in common with UConn rank/file goobers.  They all hate the current Athletics Director.  Pissed-off UConn guy really liked the previous AD – Lew Perkins.   For what its worth – Lew Perkins weighs 375 lbs and was run out of Lawrence Kansas for embezzling millions, overseeing a massive ticket fraud scam, and generally giving “incredibly obnoxious and pathologically dishonest really fat guys” a bad rep.    Lew and Robert were thicker than thieves which may be an unfortunate choice of words.

Fat Cat boosters, some of whom might stick their pudgy fingers into the guacamole dip and/or try to cop a feel from the cute intern in the SID office, are an integral part of College Football’s current color and pageantry.  So are Cecil Newton’s daddy, Marvin’s tweets, $1,000,000 coordinators, tOSU’s bling for tatts, and blue-chippers choosing your alma mater because “…. they said they probably have a really gud bidness skool.  I like really gud bidness.” 

Boola Boola Sis Boom Baaaaa and
a BIG Whoaaaaa Nellie ….



The Sidney Death Watch On The Brickyard is not Official until either Phil Jackson or Pat Riley is sighted at Amedeo’s on Western Blvd.   UNC fans were chanting “not our rival” in the Dean Dome today.  Coincidentally, thats what State fans have chanted every Fall since Butch arrived in town ….. ouch!

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