College vs NFL / Meet Trooper Taylor

January11/ 2011

…. A popular Ginger vs MaryAnn debate in sports bars is College FB vs NFL.  Jim Harbaugh chose – NFL.  I would too if given that choice.

And we introduce you to John Blake’s successor as #1 Notorious Recruiting Pimp in college today – Trooper Taylor

College Football, dirty for years, is now in an E$PN driven-acceleration to downright filthy.   That noble mind/body student activity that Kindly Ol’ Bill Friday nursed along for decades has officially flatlined ….. its respirator unplugged.

The Corleones aren’t pretending to be olive oil importers any longer.

There are a handful of Frank Merriwells and Tebows and Mannings sprinkled across the collegiate septic field.  Naïve fans cling to one or two of those to defend the illusion of boola boola sis boom baa.

Select an apple-checked Boy Scout QB as your media guide cover boy.  Name him Colt or Tim or Glen or Russell or T.J. or Sam or Eli – Dudley Do-Right.  Picture Dudley walking thru the Quad carrying real books.  Pose Dudley with sick children.  Blow Dudley up really big because you have to hide all the nasty boyz behind Dudley.

Dudley Do-Right gets a legit degree ….. marries a pretty coed …. maybe gets a brief shot at the NFL and ends up a well-connected success in business.  The nasty boyz get lots of bling and the loan of a sweet ride during their 2-3 years ….. maybe get an NFL shot.   By their late 20s they’ve hocked the bling and are left with lots of tatts but zero marketable skills.

Jim Harbaugh had it as good as it can get at Stanford.  Toby Gerharts and Andrew Lucks do not come with uncles on the take and doctored up grade transcripts.   Jim was confident he could win consistently with Stanford’s standards.  But even Stanford has a reality that is epidemic throughout college football.  “That reality”, I maintain, is why Jim Harbaugh chose the NFL.

An NFL coach has ONE BOSS – The Owner.  That owner may be an ego-maniac, lucky sperm silverspoon or simply a autocratic nutjob (Al Davis) but, regardless, he is the only person the head coach needs to please.   GMs are employees.  Media and belly-aching fans are just flies and gnats to flick away.

For a big time college coach, however, life is as perilous as Julius Caesar’s in the Roman Forum.  He is forever at risk of being stabbed by any number of shadowy characters.  If the coach wins, the AD is just a functionary who approves expense accounts without questioning them.  The Chancellor is intimidated by the whole macho locker room thing.  Then there’s the Fat Cat boosters – the ones with daggers hidden in their togas.

Fat Cat boosters would eagerly barter their childrens’ trust funds for 48 hours as Tom Brady. 

Their net worths can’t match their fantasy passion to be a for-real jock instead of just a jock-sniffer.  Clever coaches let’em wear their championship ring …. give’em a sideline pass …. let’em sit up front with’em on away game trips.  In return the coach expects them to shill for him when the crap invariably hits the fan.

Like a muckety muck hiring a sexy executive assistant.  Company rules don’t apply to her and everyone in the office knows it.  As long as the sexy secretary (or the big name head coach) has “mukety” in their pocket, life is good.   Alas, there’s always a sexier secretary and a hotter coach de jour out there.

FatCats don’t know diddly-squat about football but, living in their insulated bubbles, no one dares tell them that.  Employees want to keep their jobs and booster club execs want to keep getting their $$$.  Their peers at “the club” don’t know squat either.

These beady-eyed jock-sniffin’ weasels’ hefty egos are quite fragile.  The daggers invariably come out of their togas.  The coach bleeds out crying “Et tu Brute / BOTBob”.

At the end of the day….  just pencil-necks with fake tans who can’t do a pull-up.

When Jim Harbaugh was hired at Stanford, their elitest Fat Cats had a snit.  He was not from a big time school (Univ of San Diego – think Elon).  They were snotty to Jim.   Jim never forgot their true colors.  Jim got the last laugh on the Stanford Fat Cats.

The NFL is 100% “a business”.  College Football wants to be either business or some noble altruistic venture whichever fits the moment.

Urban Meyer quit college coaching because he was “sick”.  What he was sick of is the ethically void dumpster of recruiting.  Recruiting in general is awful.  Recruiting in the state of Florida is the worst of the worst.

The argument that The NFL is filled with prima dona millionaire peacocks is not true.  There are 1,500+ active NFL players.  You can name maybe a dozen notorious prima donnas – Terrell Owens, Albert Haynesworth, Ochocinco, Plaxico, Moss.  I’ll grant you two dozen of that ilk.  That leaves 1500 men trying to make a living at a very perilous high profile occupation where a single mental lapse, a wide right or an injury could end a career.

The moral character of millionaire jocks?   Their episodes make headlines but strip clubs, drug dealers, and various dens of iniquity cater much more to “Wall Streeters”, car salesmen, and high rollers (and wannabees) of all ilks than they do to millionaire jocks.  Yes, there are the random overly aggressive testosterone overload incidents symptomatic of football players in general.

Jim Harbaugh prefers a legitimate business to an illegitimate charade.  I don’t blame him.   Good luck Jim.   Keep The York Brothers happy and you will live long and prosper.


Trooper Taylor ….. With the demise of John “Black Santa” Blake the title of most notorious recruiting pimp in Big Time college football goes to Trooper Taylor at Auburn.   “Trooper” (his real name) is in his 2nd year at Auburn as Assistant Head Coach (familiar title!) and burning a trail of nefarious skullduggery along the Gulf Coast.

“Standards” is a relative term when discussing SEC football.  Trooper is even considered brazen by SEC standards.   In an earlier tenure at Tennessee with Fullmer, Trooper “managed the academic and social direction and development of student-athletes …..”….  giggle, giggle, snort.  Between Knoxville and Auburn, Trooper pimped for that paragon of academia – Oklahoma State.

Trooper respects recruiting rules like The Joker and The Riddler respected traffic laws in

like Joker and Riddler ….

Gotham City.  His Head Coach looks the other way (duh!) as Trooper bags blue-chippers.  Trooper Taylor is a scary dude.

Like Blue Duck running from Rangers McCrae and Call across West Texas; Trooper bobs and weaves at his job stops staying a half step ahead of NCAA goons on his trail.

Trooper’s trademarks are a wad o’ cash and a network of shady “uncles” and “court-appointed guardians” to launder the cash.  Characters like Rev. Cecil Newton fill Trooper’s memory dial.

Auburn has the Trifecta now:
#1 Recruiting Pimp   –   Trooper Taylor
#1 Sleazy Fat Cat   –   Bobby Lowder
#1 Highest Paid Heisman Thug   –   Cam Newton

Coincidence ?  Big Time College Football IS “a hazardous undertaking ….”

Remember the name – Trooper Taylor.   Steve Spurrier knows all about Trooper like he knew about Blake.  Anyone following the reality of college football will run across Trooper.

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