Why Not Girls’ Volleyball?

December13/ 2010

One of my legacy observations will be “…. watching girls’ basketball is like watching boys try to knit.”  Is that why Sylvia Hatchell always gives me the evil eye?  I’d rather read a software license agreement than watch girls’ basketball.  That said – How come Girls’ Volleyball can’t escape its cult niche as a spectator sport?

I’m not talking about Misty May in a thong every four years.  Misty May is beach volleyball’s version of Al Oerter.  Misty May in a thong has been a part of more Olympics than Bela Karoli, Jim McKay and Juan Antonio Samaranch combined.  Are all volleyball players named Misty or Karch?

QUIZ:  What couple (not named Mia & Nomar !!) share (1) An Olympic gold medal and (2) An at-bat in a World Series?   ANSWER:  Misty May and her hubby Matt Treanor (back-up catcher for the Texas Rangers).

My low standing with Coach Hatchell could be my observation a few years ago that her choice of attire for an NCAA Tournament game …. came from Burlington Coat Factory’s Dolly Parton Rodeo Collection.  Coach Hatchell is a very fine Christian lady regardless of her wardrobe or the abject dullness of her sport.  Where was I?

Why has Volleyball, specifically Women’s Volleyball (the indoor full-team version; NOT that goofy beach crap), never gained the slightest mainstream spectator appeal?

Everyone above the age of 35 played volleyball in PE and knows the basics including side-out scoring.  Baseball basically has side-out scoring too.   I say above 35 since PE was deemphazised in public schools in the early days of the PC-takeover.  Maybe spike sounded like dyke and offended some lesbian on a school board somewhere?

Volleyball is fast-moving and involves lots of aggressive athletic skill at the competitive level.

Girls playing volleyball tend to be tall, blond and not named Kim like 96% of LPGA golfers.  If there are Sisters of Sappho issues in volleyball, I am not aware and don’t think I need to be.  Does Westboro Baptist Church have a girls’ volleyball team?

The sport is diverse but Cauc girls appear to be in the majority.  Its refreshing to see Cauc girls a majority in something other than cheerleading, Tri Delt pledge classes, and marrying dermatologists and hedge fund managers.  For what its worth,  spouses of dermatologists and hedge fund managers tend to do much better financially than WNBA players.  Especially those who avoid pre-nups.

Men are the dominant sports spectator demographic.  When men watch women do anything the physical attractiveness of the participants is directly related to how long they choose

….7 others girls named Kim

to watch.   Ergo volleyball beats the bejebbers out of (1) a Hillary Clinton press conference on North Korean aggression or (2) a Lifetime Channel’s Janet Reno’s Greatest Hits as Attorney General.  Not to mention (3) a golfer named Kim wins the Spatula City Classic by three strokes over seven other golfers named Kim.

If all the above wasn’t enough ….. tall blond athletic girls playing volleyball still wear those little Larry Bird satin shorts.  Which look LOTS better on tall blond athletic volleyball-playing girls than they ever did on Larry.

If Womens’ Volleyball IS the next breakthrough spectator sport,  they must act fast before the long baggy shorts manufacturers get involved.

Yes, this is a sexist column but you enjoyed it and I didn’t mention Butch …. unless you count the references to the lesbian on the school board and Janet Reno.


Big Time Coaching Hires:  Texas DC Will Muschamp to Florida – The Swamp is a scary place to learn to be a Head Coach.  Even with the highest staff payroll in history,  I see rough times ahead for TeamMuschamp.  Ask Ron Zook, Chuck Amato, John Bunting et al about learning HC skills under fire.  For every Bob Stoops there are a dozen bodies in the coaching morgue.   /   Temple’s Al Golden to The U – I like this one.  He HAS had his HC initiation under-the-radar (like Gene Chizik did!). and has a Big Time pedigree.  I thought The U would opt for a Blood & Crips WarLord type.  Good for them.

What’s left of Mack Brown’s Texas staff can meet in a phone booth on 6th St.   The Alamo had more survivors.

0 0 votes
Article Rating
Notify of
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Would love your thoughts, please comment.x