Roy Mel ?

December01/ 2010

This past Fall has been raucous amid Kenan’s lofty pines. Once attention shifts a bit south amid the legendary rafters THEN the universe will realign.  Peace, love, joy will once again reign along quaint Franklin Street ….. or not?

Last Spring (aka The Pre-Marvin Tweet Era) I was often asked – “BobLee, should we be worried about The Blue Messiah? ….. BobLee, can Ol’ Roy find his lost mojo? …… BobLee, how big a tranquilizer dart will it take to sedate Roy if he goes crackers?”  


Since last April; Tru-Blue Bballers have ruminated “was last season an anomaly or portend of seasons to come”?  If The Tar Heels are The Yankees of College BBall; are we entering our Don Mattingly Era?    

With two rings, Roy Two Rings has enough cred for one stubbed toe season.  Doesn’t he?  When a season’s highlight is a call from a kid in Iowa saying “Hang on Roy, I’m coming ….” its a quick reload; and order will be restored to the lower level and lofty rafters.  Right?

I love Ol’ Roy.  I loved Ol’ Roy when he told JayhawkNation “I’m staying”. …. and, after Matt powerwashed all the Dean outta the UNC program, I loved it when Ol’ Roy said “OK, now I’ll come.”

I loved Roy running the Pissed-off Posse thru the Carolina Basketball bleaching machine and cutting down nets with them.  I loved Roy drinking Diet Coke and Little Johnny asking him “at least pour it in an unmarked cup so the Pepsi sponsors wouldn’t sue us”.

I loved Ol’ Roy snatching Tyler away from Quinn Snyder and riding Li’l Abner to Ring #2.  I loved Ol’ Roy refusing to even say “I probably shouldna ….” after StickerGate .  I loved Roy dropping an F-bomb in a press conference and saying  “oops, I thought I was playing golf ….” .  I loved Ol’ Roy’s stoopid scuffle with the Presbyterian kid.

Which caused Tar Heel fans to scream loudest at their flat screens – (1) Roy wearing his little JayHawk or (2) Marvin grinnin’ from the stands in the Georgia Dome vs LSU ?

I write smart alecky Internet columns.  I LOVE coaches and administrators who have hair triggers, wear hair shirts, set their hair on fire …. and send Formal Letters of Disassociation.  A toilet is just a toilet.  Drop a cherry bomb down a toilet and it’s a column.  Ol’ Roy is …. a short-fused cherry bomb looking for a toilet.

Roy Williams has Two Rings … 600+ Ws … a BB Hall of Fame Plaque …. and a few screws loose.  Not altogether a bad combination.

Mel Gibson had an incredible career as a cinema megastar.  From Mad Max thru the Lethal Weapons, Braveheart, The Patriot, et al he played hot-bloodied Do-rights several bubbles out of plumb.  His crazy

Stand in Times Square and bark at the moon …

lone-wolf hero character appealed to anyone who ever wanted to moon a board of directors meeting …. or stand in the middle of Times Square and bark at the moon.  You’ve wanted to do both of those, right?

After Passion Of The Christ, Mel and his crazy screen personas became one and the same.  Was that Mel or Riggs going anti-semitically bonkers at 2AM on Mulholland Drive.

Mel ditched his wife and mother of his 6-8 kids and took up with a crazy Russian bimbo.  Mel proceeded to out crazy his crazy Russian bimbo.

He became Riggs tortured by Gary Busey.  He became William Wallace screaming FREEDOM while being gutted by Longshanks’ executioner.  He became Benjamin Martin running his bayonet thru Col. Tavington, the evil British dragoon.

When Mel Gibson PLAYED over-the-top characters he won awards.  When Mel Gibson BECAME an over-the-top character, Hollywood and Mel fans said “Whoa dude ….. now you’re nutz!”

When Ol’ Roy was winning two rings and doing goofy stuff, TarHeelNation said  “Ol’ Roy sure is a hoot ain’t he.”   The difference between  “ain’t he a hoot”  and  “now the sumbitch is nutz”  is ESPN announcers saying “This UNC team is leaderless and has no heart.  Their pre-season Top Ten rating was a joke.” Uh oh.

It’s December 1.  Roy has lashed out twice at ESPN and is wearing Peter Millar shirts instead of Nikes.  Cue the HazMat clean-up crew.

Roy’s press conferences are becoming Gallagher concerts.   Reporters in the front row are wearing raincoats.  Ol’ Roy is bringing his sledge-o-matic and a load o’ watermelons.

Just 2-3 years ago Franklin Streeters were saying Coach K is toast.  Several gold medals, another ring and a reloaded Cameron Juggernaut later; if you don’t think K’s reload is adding lots of weight to the sagging axle on Roy’s wagon …. you’re still waiting for Neil Fingleton to be the next Serge Zwikker.

I am revising my Winter Solstice prediction to:  Coach K will pass Dean in Ws before The Winter Solstice…. and John Kilgo will dive off The BoA Building screaming “Gawd IS dead. Satan Is Triumphant!”

Q:   BobLee, if Roy goes TILT, will Dickie say something dopey? 

A:   Yes.

Q:   Is there anyone Roy might listen to ?

A:   Dean Smith.

Q:   Isn’t he incapacitated ?

A:   Yes.

Q:   Could this have a Thelma & Louise ending ?

A:   It could.  I hope not.

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