CHAPTER FOUR: Sgt Butch vs The Marine

November17/ 2010

I know plenty of very passionate Carolina and State partisans.  Many have fun with the silly rivalry yadda yadda.  Many others (on both sides) treat it like a kidney stone the size of a grapefruit.  Lets laugh with the former and laugh AT the latter.




The Annual Misadventures Of The Purehearts: 

A personal favorite State v Carolina tradition – The Adventures of The Pureheart Family.  Whichever school is the visitor …. a Hallmark card family of their purest and most innocent fans will venture onto enemy turf and invariably be set upon by eeevil home hooligans.  Following each season’s game, the nuttiest of the visiting nutjobs fire up their little modems and relate the gory details they heard from “someone who witnessed the horrible assault”.  Proving all those no-count people “over there” are all abuncha blah blah blah.  This year it will be NC State Purehearts set upon by eeeevil UNC hooligans.  Trust me.

Sadly, the mindset that conjurs up, and believes, such absurdum is equally distributed on both sides of the rivalry.


EVERY ACC ref, umpire, and admin has always been and will always be “bought and paid for” by sinister UNC forces.   UNC J-Schoolers have infiltrated every media outlet on Earth.   It would require multi-generations of extensive reprogramming to make a dent in the conspiratorial myths and legends.  Why bother.


The Effects of THE Unpleasantness on This Year’s Game

This will be an unusual version of this “Only Important If We Win” Game.  Since Marvin’s tweet changed so many lives so many ways; it could be argued that Wuffs have been more consumed by the glorious mess than those upon whom the mess was dumped.  The impact on Brickyarders has been significant.

Other than Russell and Nate Irving, it’s a good bet the hard core faction in West Raleigh knows more about John Blake and Jennifer Wiley than their own team.

I have watched the carnage on the N&O comment boards since Marv tweeted the world about his trip to South Beach.  Defiant Caroloons posting “everybody does it” ….. “Butch didn’t know nuthin’” ….. or “It’s The NCAA’s fault”.  Rabid wuffies crying “DEATH PENALTY For Starters, Then Really Get’em”.  Charles Manson and Jeffrey Dalmer received more mercy from Brickyarders than have Black Santa, Sgt Butch and all those no-count crooks over at UNC. 

The Holocast and Hiroshima were piddly compared to the global damage done to mankind by The Butch, Blake & Baddour Gang.  So sayeth the looniest of the loons deep in the basement of Reynolds Coliseum.   The red-clad Jimmy V Reparationists have expended enough high octane amphibious rage towards UNC since July to power China’s Three Gorges Dam.  How much hate can they have left?  Quite a lot I’m sure.

Their opposite numbers in the sewers of Franklin Street are so punch drunk and disassociated it’s all they can do to return a middle finger salute and mumble “Roy owns Sidney. Who cares about football?”  

This Saturday, Football WILL matter; except, of course, to the losing fan base.  A Win proves eternal dominance – A Loss is a cosmic anomaly of non-significance.   UNC is working on a string of three such cosmic anomalies.

Whatever happened to Puff and A.J.?


A favorite Old Well whine – “Why do we even play State.  Rutgers and William & Mary are our natural rivals.”  Such humans get to breed and vote.  Be afraid.

Would a fourth “ahhh crap” whuppin’ by TO’B affect Ye Olde Pale Rider’s Q Rating among his die-hard disciples?

No coach can exist for very long on “board monkey love”.   It is like trying to hide behind smoke.  The slightest whiff of wind and your cover

…set adrift like old eskimos.

is blown.  So it is with monkey love.  IF TO’B & Russell rack up #4, Butch, Dickie, and BOTBob Winston will be set adrift like old Eskimos to die quietly on an ice raft in the unforgiving sea of public scorn. 


Beyond 100 miles of Kenan not too many folks will care that much but within the 28 miles between two Bell Towers it WILL matter.

Which Carolina team will show up – the “Us Against The World” squad that prevailed in Tallyhassy or what limped back up the tunnel last Saturday night after being Hokieized? ….. Will TO’B enrage The Pack Mob with another “Why did you punt you red-headed idiot?”

Will Madame Yow do like she did with ECU?  Why must I schedule all these in-state schools?  Hey, lets replace UNC with Florida Atlantic or Texas El-Paso. …… Will Dickie say something rivaling Homer Simpson on bad acid?

Howabout a pre-game ceremony: BOTBobWinston and McQueen “Howdy Doody” Campbell meeting at midfield and beating each other with silverspoons?


Over the next few days, some foolish fans will say/do foolish things.  On Saturday from noon to 3 we will experience an adrenaline-fueled tug o’ war on Kenan’s greensward.  At its conclusion the victors will gloat.  The losers will feign indifference ….. and, of course, blame the refs.  That’s “a rivalry game”.

Me?  I’ve survived three whuppings in a row from TO’B teams – two Clinton Administrations – and multiple returns of The McRib.   I will be taking notes of the assured craziness and saying something profound about it afterwards.

Wouldn’t it be classic to bring Jim Knight back for just one more game.  I think I’ll call Swofford.

Game On.

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