Just One Tweet / Nail / Paira Tennis Shoes

August29/ 2010

Its one of those sayings that those of us who use’em assume everyone understands.  Such phrases usually require some book learnin’ so an increasing number of publicly educated folks are quite clueless about them.

Prior to a critical battle in a critical war back in the days of messengers on horseback, a messenger failed to check his mount’s horseshoes prior to riding out to deliver a critical battle plan from one general to another.

For want of a nail …. a shoe was lost ….. for want of a shoe a horse was lost …. for want of a horse a rider was lost …. for want of a rider a message was lost …. for want of a message a battle was lost ….. for want of a battle a war was lost …. for loss of a war a nation was overthrown. all for want of a single nail.

As this Orange County onion is peeled, Krisis Amid Kenan’s Lofty Pines, each new revelation gets us further away from the genus of it all – the “nail” that caused the shoe to be thrown that caused the nation to lose the war – Marvin Austin’s one braggadocios Tweet about going to the South Beach party.

Will Marvin’s tweet join “Tatum’s tick bite” as seminal moments in the history of Carolina Football?

Marvin’s beaches & bitches tweet was the grain of sand flying thru cyberspace that became a boulder that crashed the myth of Carolina’s academic eliteness. One Tweet – One Nail – One Paira Tennis Shoes.  – “one paira tennis shoes” ?

Oh come on, everyone on either side of the Farm Boys vs Frat Boys 28-Mile Blood Feud has heard “just one paira tennis shoes”.  In Lupine Lore that is all that Jim Valvano did wrong.  A solitary pair of sneakers did what PhiSlammaJamma could not do – beat Jim Valvano.  To a few really creative WolfPackers, it also induced the cancer which tragically took his life.

I’m not qualified to say if ’twas “just a single paira tennis shoes” or not.  Maybe N&O suits Claude Sitton, Frank Daniels and Mickey McCarthy were, like current Raleigh Mayor Charlie “The Xenophobe” Meeker, and harbored deep dislike for “people not from around here whose names end in vowels”.  It’s possible.  Stranger things have happened. ….. if sports made sense we wouldn’t need the infield fly rule.

Should we call Krisis Amid Kenan’s Lofty Pines “just one tweet” or “just one term paper”.  Should we wait to see how many papers the yet unnamed tutor actually penned for the student athletes (wink!) now relegated to the scout team.

Q:  Are the guys who were already on the scout team now suffering guilt by association? Are UNC’s walk-ons carrying signs that say “I did not cheat. I am a REAL scout squad member. Really!”? 

72 hours after the press conference and the identity of The Tutor is still a bigger mystery than DB Cooper’s whereabouts.   That she has not been outed and made the subject of six parody songs by now is simply amazing.

Once outed, she will zoom past Rielle Hunter in name recognition from Murphy to Manteo.  BLBuddy ChicagoBob is comparing her to Chicago Cub legendary foulball catcher Steve Bartman.  I’ll go a tad more obscure – Polly Hamilton aka “The Lady In Red” who enabled Melvin Purvis’ G-men to take down John Dillinger coming out of The Biograph Theater in Chicago in 19 and 34.

For anyone wishing to counter “just one paira tennis shoes” or now “just one term paper/tweet” the customary rejoiner is “and they took Al Capone down on tax evasion ….”  It is usually one small insignificant item that is the loose thread, which when pulled, causes the whole dress to come apart.  You can use “one tomato can out of the end aisle display” too if you prefer grocery store analogies.

More incredibly stoopid tweets are now surfacing from other UNC FB “student athletes” (wink!) including Sean Draughn bragging

Is total disdain for academics the new sign of ultimate “cool”?

about how they never open a textbook or bother to know their teachers.  Apparently in the culture of BCS level blue chippers total disdain and disrespect for academics is a sign of ultimate “cool” – who knew?  I refer you to “Players From Mars – Fans From Venus”. (see below)

To be sure, there have been academically disdainful athletes at UNC, and everywhere else, for multi-decades.  They have employed assorted nefarious means to circumvent traditional means of staying eligible.  Many of those nefarious means much cleverer than having a tutor write their papers.  Stuffing pre-filled out Blue Books down ones’ pants and writing answers all over parts of one’s body are classic techniques thru the years.

The global out-reach of Married A Stripper continues.  Beyond the 50 states, Stripper is now in 27 foreign countries including Malaysia.  Even one Moscovite and some guy from Wales …. across Scandanavia and Croatia.  It has NOT made The Azores yet.  If you know anyone in The Azores, please forward it to them.  Thanks.

In case you’re wondering, I have three more columns on the inconceivable unpleasantness in the hopper including a comparison of Jimmy V & Butch which should explode the empty heads of bottom-feeding doofuses in both the Wuff AND Heel fan basements. …. I have never catered to the “doofus market”.  I doubt I will start doing so now.


  To anyone fretting that the actions of any student-athletes (wink!) could diminish the “value” of your UNC diploma / degree.  In your case, you may be correct.  For the rest of us …. these goobers no more diminish our diplomas than Tyler Hansbrough and other sports notables have elevated them.   YOU are the only one who can affect the value of your UNC educational experience.

If this kiboshes The Butch Era, can Carolina Football ever recover?  ABSOLUTELY.  It won’t be nearly as difficult as many of you think.  Lets play this out and we’ll get into THAT when the time comes.

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