Oh, 2 B Jay OR “The Blond Shuffler”

August10/ 2010

It is my consensus that Jay Johnson is one man among the masses who does NOT lead a life of quiet desperation.  Jay’s job is not without its pitfalls and perils. Being sans perils is not the definition of the perfect job. Vanquishing “perils” and deftly skirting “pitfalls” is the challenge that encourages each of us to break the bonds of Morpheus each morn.  

With Ann-Margret no longer needing a cabana boy, Jay has won Life’s Occupational Lottery – Male Division.  Jay Johnson is The Official Fitness Trainer of The Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders. 

One can easier contemplate the average day of a pediatric neurosurgeon or that guy that stamps “m” on each m&m than one can fathom what a Jay Day is like.  And THEY PAY HIM TO DO IT.

A buddy of mine worked in the front office of a major league baseball team in the late 70s.  His tasks required similar skills to any number of marketing jobs.  His co-workers, his clients and his up-line managers all agreed he did a most fine job.  Well earning his $15,000/year.  At his annual job review he summoned all his inner Oliver Twist to ask “could I have more, please?”

His boss reached into a desk drawer extracting a double handful of resumes and began quoting from them.   The unsolicited applications were from individuals with impressive business qualifications desirous of “doing anything just to be involved with a pro sports team”.  There was no mention of salary expectations.  My friend was told he was (1) doing a fine job – (2) welcome to continue doing it – (3) damn lucky to have the opportunity to do it.

He eventually left that job, managing to better himself in the ensuing years.

I imagine Jay Johnson & Jerry Jones might have a similar conversation should Jay

might be a warehouse full of them!

ever ask “could I have more please?” although the double handful of resumes might be “a warehouse full”.

Leaving Jay and his bountiful bevy of bodacious butts, sweaty taut tummies and flying ponytails ….. lets move to New York’s 6th Avenue and the corner office of Roger Ailes – Ruppert Murdoch’s “guy in charge” of FoxNews.  I’ve met “Rog”.  He physically resembles Alfred Hitchcock.  Short and portly and, according to those on the Left, possessor of horns, cloven hooves and a forked tail and smelling of smoldering brimstone.   I saw no cloven hooves nor smelled brimstone but the party we were both attending was dimly lit.  Rog and I lurked near the steamship round station.

FoxNews’ management grid contains a job title that may be a tad unique.  Someone at FoxNews is “The Blond Shuffler”.

If you watch FoxNews and pretty much everyone does including the ideologically misguided crowd.  You may have noticed one, two, three ….. or four dozen lovelies of the honey-haired persuasion.

Megan,  Martha,  Juliette,  Jamie,  Ainsley,  Lis,  Courtney,  Gretchen, Jenna, Allisyn, Shannon …….. et al. With the possible exception of  “Martha” (McCallum)”; a somewhat generic “school teacher’s name if school teacher had first names” name ….. what does that list of names sound like?

…… like Jay Johnson doing roll call at Valley Ranch before he orders’em to “drop and give me 20 ….”

There is one major difference between Rog’s Foxes and Jay’s Cheerleaders.  Without exception, Rog’s Foxes have real advanced degrees from notable academic institutions that don’t advertise on Facebook.  Whether it is International Studies ….. Law ….. Pan Siberian Economics ….. etc.  The Fox blonds can, to a gal, pronounce Mogadishu and Ahmadinejad without requiring them being broken into syllables and printed on big cards held by Bert & Ernie.

Fox’s Foxes being accomplished both academically AND aesthetically adds to the general consternation of FoxNews-haters.  It’s the “Really” Trifecta of Really Smart – Really Pretty  & Really Pisses “them” off.

Jay’s disco-booted glam gals, God luv’em, boast two years of tap from Ms Rhonda’s Dance Academy in Killeen ….. a one-year reign as Little Miss Boll Weevil in Texarkana ….. and are employed as receptionists at Suburu dealerships in Mesquite or “in public relations” for a man named Hoss who sells time-shares in Cabo.   Not that there’s anything wrong with time-sharing.

Somebody shuffles the Fox blondes.  I think Rog shuffles’em just to keep us guessing.  Each of Rog’s Foxes has her own fan club or as the NYPD Vice Squad calls’em creepy stalkers.   Martha is on from 9-11 ….. unless she isn’t.  Megan from 1-3 …. unless she isn’t.  Gretchen every morning from 6-9 unless Allisyn is.  On weekends there’s Jamie and Courtney unless Juliette and Ainsley are subbing for one or both.

Like NBA coaches, there are 28 jobs for 35 guys.   Seven guys are always rotating out but not for long.  David Stern owns a condo next to the LA Clippers practice facility in Encino.  27 of the 35 have rented David’s condo for the several months they are Head Coach of The Clippers.   It’s a convenient arrangement for all concerned.

Roger Ailes has nine weekly hosting spots for various blond anchors and fourteen drop dead gorgeous ladies who can fill those spots while pronouncing Mogadishu correctly and not uncrossing their legs except during a commercial break.


Can You Name These 4 Fox Foxes in order L – R ?  

The first to do so wins a copy of Seersucker Suits Me.  

Q:  Do Rog’s Blondes have a Official Personal Trainer?
A:  I don’t know.  But if it’s Jay Johnson – it’s NOT FAIR.

Where do Former Fox Foxes go? – E.D., Laurie, Paige ?…sigh.

Some Former DCCs marry guys named Silvano who own “clubs” but most eventually go back home and marry high school sweethearts who are pharmacists or are “in” commercial real estate.

Do you have a favorite Fox Fox?  
Cast a vote for your Fox Fox Fave.




UNC’s “go get’em guy” John Blake’s name popped up today in the Investigative unpleasantry over at The Flagship.  This news is on the level of “traces of mercury found in Old Well water”– on the Uh Oh Scale this is a lineman’s # not a QB #.   Blake has a rather long past (!) with kinda-slimey Agent Gary Wichard which both deny despite documented proof otherwise.

Here are pics of Gary …. and lets include The Pale Rider’s Agent Jimma Sexton too.   And a link to Jimma’s stable of Coaching Mercs for Rent. 



That Sarah Palin column on Stand&Declare went Platinum.  We did an interview on WGN-Chicago Sat night.  The commercial lead-in was a Toe Fungus ointment.  Ahh, the glamour of cyber-punditry.

Yes, we still have the Reader Comment Thing.  No one hurt themselves or got us in Dutch with the Internet Police so we trudge onward.

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