Prince Albert The Long was tracking Saul heading to Damascus when the e-mail hit my I-phone 3G – Colorado Jumps To Pac-10+. Albert asked our Baby Boomers 4 Jesus for concerns he should pass on to The Big Guy. With 50+ fellas there’s always someone needing HIS assistance. My hand shot up. Albert cringed. Uh oh ….. “Do you guys think God cares about the future of College Football?” The consensus was “if He does, it’s not very much.” ….. Some of you probably do …. A LOT.
In a recent column, I foretold a tsunami of massive reorganization barreling out of Bristol CT. There isn’t much anyone can do but grab ahold and hang on. Like Slim Pickens riding that bomb in Dr Strangelove.
The NCAA and FEMA officials will assess the damage, Each revised conference and mega-conference emerging from the chaos will immediately lay claim to ……
• THE worst referees and officials EVER. A distinction previously claimed by each of the old conferences.
• THE best, most knowledgeable / loyal fans in human history. A distinction previously claimed by each of the old conferences.
• THE sexiest coeds, best tailgating, coolest mascots and traditions bar none. A distinction previously ………. .
• Being THE most under-rated and unfairly persecuted by “those idiots in the media”. A distinction previously ……… .
On an individual school basis everything will still be “that idiot AD’s fault“. So, not a lot is going to change despite a whole lot changing.
An Aside: Speaking of MEGA-changes, You notice anything different right here at your #1 website for irreverent commentary. Internet legends and sharks can’t stay still or we drown. These changes are in appearance only. Not in site navigation. Comments are welcomed as always …… Oh oh, wait’ll you meet “Blondie” !!! Think: Sarah Palin meets Ann Coulter at Pottery Barn!
The Home Page now opens to the full current article without having to Read More to get it. To access all recent and ancient articles CLICK “View All Articles” at the bottom of this Home article Or “the Vault” at top of right rail.
Overly-aggressive semi-literate youngsters from difficult home environments will show up driving cool cars with all the latest audio technology. They will be assigned majors in “some kind of _____ Studies” and hang around for a year or so until being crippled or moving to the next level.
Fat Cats will compete in outdoing one another in the various categories of Fat Catting. Age differential twixt a Fat Cat and his current she-kitten being a key one. First name familiarity with “my good buddy Coach _____” is big too. Overall lengths of really tacky RVs is not as important as it once was, except in Baton Rogue.
Jumbotrons will continue growing in size and decibel levels. The first Jumbotron to be seen and/or heard by astronauts from outer space is expected to be in Austin TX or Odessa Permian HS. Mater Dei HS and Boise State are closing fast.
The first Saturday college FB game to kick-off at 9:00 AM EDT will take place “whenever ESPN says so”. The first SUNDAY college FB game to kick-off at 9:00 EDT will take place 24 hours later by the same decree.
College GameDay will feature Chris Fowler, Kirk Herbstreit and the mummified corpse of Lee Corso eating nacho cheese off the nude body of Kim Kardashian. First one to get to quivering flesh wins a life-size blow-up doll of Erin Andrews wearing Nike stilettos and a fetching smile.
93% of the current horrification over Conference Chaos will be de-horrified when the mega-conferences update their names.
A West Coast / Texas / Okie Alliance would be called either “Texas, Oklahoma & Them” OR “Us Cool West Coast Schools plus The Whozits from Tornado Alley”. Each school’s SID’s can choose his personal preference. ESPN doesn’t care.
The New SEC will become “Academics Is Greatly Over-rated and Vanderbilt”.
The Bigger Than Ten will become The Bigger Than Ten ….. OR “Those Great Big Schools With Large Ugly Stadiums, Not Many Pretty Girls & Players Whose Dads All Belong To The AFL-CIO”
In these major upheaval thingies there is always ONE “looks funny guy” you had never heard of but start seeing all over the news. The designated “looks funny guy” for Conference Chaos is Big 12/10/?/? Commissioner Dan Beebe.
The tattered remains of The ACC will become “Basketball Is Us + Boston College”. Its TV football contract modified to include “that valuable Boston market” and WUNC affiliates in Chapel Hill and Lumberton. Any TV stations or websites interested in carrying ACC Football telecasts submit bids % Little Johnny @ Grandover. Include a picture of any cameras you currently own or lease and a good-faith minimum non-refundable deposit of $27.00.
Camera crews wishing wine or beer while telecasting from Beautiful Kenan Stadium, may purchase a suite in New Kenan for $50,000 plus provide their own wine glasses.
All other college football conferences in America will collectively be referred to as “Who Cares if ESPN Doesn’t”. Their members will be allowed in BCS bowl games IF each player has a ticket and doesn’t bring in coolers or automatic weapons.
There will be TWO Independents …… Notre Dame and East Carolina. One has a ridiculous TV contract. The other has ridiculously pretty coeds who yell ARRGGHHH a lot.
NOW you understand why God doesn’t care very much. Neither should anyone if “having a Life” has ever been on their Bucket List.
The season finale of Justified was a kick-butt bloody humdinger. Royal Pains has the prettiest scenery – The Hamptons – of any show on TV, and Justified’s is the rawest – Kentucky backwoods; and characters so Deliverancey they would scare a limousine liberal into giving up latte. Boyd Crowder is the most compelling psychological granny knot since Frazier Crane. Imagine Jimmy Swaggert with pig eyes, bad teeth and an RPG. BobLee Recommends: Catch Justified in reruns on FX network.