Go West Young Men / so they did.

May15/ 2010

Go West Young Men / so they did:  Duke wins another NatChamp ….. Wake hires the AD’s buddy ….. NCState signs  CJ one&done and zaps its AD.  …… BUT the folks on Franklin Street like the regional media spotlight ON THEM.   Be careful what you ask for Tar Heels.  In the space of two hours Thursday  The Wears flew the coop and LT fell off his legend pedestal AGAIN.

It was a bad week aloomin’ when, Tuesday, UNC’s Popular Young Chancellor promised the eco-loons that UNC will spend bazillions of dollars (it doesn’t have) to convert from coal to “bio-mass” in its power plant.  He promised it would happen by 2020; which, coincidentally, is also when The Pale Rider has promised a win over NCState.  …. UVA by 2022.

Within 36 hours of that, David & Travis Wear (aka The Twins) packed up all their worldly possessions and took Horace Greeley advice …… “Go West young men!”  Neglecting to tell Roy until they were 3,000 miles away.   Being homesick for an In/Out burger is one thing but ….

The “issue” with The Wear Twins leaving is that Ol’ Roy apparently had no clue whatsoever that they were unhappy campers.  For $2,000,000 and with only 14 kids to keep tabs on (only ten of whom “matter”) – DAMN ROY! …. bless your heart.

NOTE: My prior experience with “twins playing basketball” was with The Randalls – Ray & Jay – back in ’64-’65.  Other than Jay playing for Wake Forest, they never caused any trouble to speak of.  Wait a minute …. their daddy had strong opinions too now that I recall.  But times were different then.

What tha heck happened to ‘Roy’s team’ this year?” was the official pastime of TarHeelNation.  Every UNCer and their Aunt Sally has a theory.  One sad soul in North Wilkesboro has 46 theories on the subject.  An audit revealed 42 of’em had to do with the Tri-Lateral Commission or Area 51.  (See previous column about Conspiracies).

Yes ….. “Roy’s book” distracted his off-season routine a bit.  Yes …... “the pain in his shoulder” was distracting too.   Imagine a toothache in your shoulder 24/7.  You just want to lie down in a dark room and listen to cool jazz on an iPod.  Roy didn’t have an iPod.

The skies over The Dean Dome were filled this past year with “helicopters” as in “helicopter parents”.  “Helicopter parents” hovering over college students is a phenomenon of the cellphone / e-mail / screwed-up parenting era.  Ol’ Roy, as you might imagine, doesn’t care for criticism or advice of any sort from any body.  When that unsolicited advice begins with “My son should be playing _______!”  then Roy REALLY doesn’t care for it.

When Daddy Drew, Daddy Henson, Daddy Davis, and Mamma & Daddy Wear are all singing to Roy at the same time ….. it wasn’t a pretty sound.  This wasn’t Roy’s first rodeo in dealing with hovering parents but in terms of “quantity” it set a record in the modern era.

Helicopter parents tend to read “those obscene fan forums” A LOT.  When anonymous nitwits say that their pride & joy is a “stoopid-looking dork with funny ears” they get upset.  Wouldn’t you?

(NOTE:  Very tall white kids “look sorta goofy”.  Very tall white kids AND MIDGETS “look goofy”. Roy doesn’t recruit midgets. Not yet anyway.)

Nitwit fans on fan forums get upset when the team they depend on for vicarious meaning in their life loses a lot.   Upset nitwits = upset helicopter parents = upset Roy.  Welcome to Big Time College Basketball 2010.

Being on a basketball team that kinda sucked and was ridiculed by your fellow students is not nearly as much fun as it sounds like it would be.  The Wears can go to UC-Irvine and get that ….. and In/Out burgers.

Recruiting kids from nuclear families is risky business.  John Calipari and Bob Huggins only go after street kids with one or no known parent.

…give Uncle Kaseem a sack of money. He goes away.

With “Uncle Kaseem” you just hand him a sack of money and he goes away.

Replacing 14’ of semi-mobile humanity is going to be tough.  The average “walk-on” is 5’9” and can’t touch the rim without a ladder and a mini-tramp.  Every 17 year old in America over 6’6” already is under contract somewhere.

Unconfirmed reports say Jared Haas was dispatched to the Australian outback Thursday afternoon with a jug of sweet tea and pictures of the TriDelt pledge class.  C.B. was sent off to Outer Mongolia with a Styrofoam cooler of Crook’s Corner shrimp’n grits and the deed to a lot in Governors Club.  Roy’s doing what he can.

Meanwhile Lawrence Taylor is arrested/charged with raping a 15 year old prostitute.  The same LT that received the thunderous applause in Kenan Stadium on Thursday night last October.  The same LT with an arrest record that John Dillinger would envy.  There are still a few UNC fans that think Carolina should utilize LT to entice Blue-Chippers to sign with Butch.  “Hark THAT Sound!” ….. yuck, ptui!

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