The View From Courtside

February15/ 2010

The View From Courtside:  Every UNC Cheerleader must be named “Eve”.  Q:  How do I know?  A:  None of them have belly buttons.  ….. Just one of the scrumptious buffet items that BobLee feasted upon from courtside ….. as, alas, the “Noles feasted on Roys Boyz.  Someone has said I could go to the city dump, shoot rats with a .22 and come away with a column about it.   Courtside at Dean’s Dome was far more hospitable and, as always ….. quite A HOOT!

Dear Holden:
As always, great seeing you and Pistol last night.  I see she’s still on that high-test pure caffeine diet.   Bless her heart!
Mike Munger and I have 30 lbs between us we can spare for John Henson to at least outweigh that little tiny cheerleader with the ponytail.

HT, I offer “suggestions” from time to time (duh, ya reckon) but seldom do I say you HAVE to do something.  I have a HAVE TO Mr. Chancellor.

BURN THOSE FREAKIN’ SILVER UNIs ….. RIGHT NOW!  Yes, I know UNC sold its soul to Nike and I know how the “alternative jersey” marketing scam works. I don’t care.  Burn those abominations RIGHT NOW ….. gather the ashes in a zip-loc bag and overnight’em to Phil Knight to “stick where the sun don’t shine”.

Hellfire …. It’s bad enough that our Football Coach doesn’t know Carolina Blue from Cowboy Blue but a Tar Heel home BB uni without one stitch of C-blue is heresy …. pure heresy.  Even George “The Blind Bomber” Glamack can “see” that’s just STOOPID!

Adios / Hark The Sound,

That takes care of the #1 issue most folks have with the Tri-Partisan Commission thing other night.  Erskine and I playing slap & tickle and having way more fun that we probably should during the latest UNC butt-whuppin’ wasn’t nearly as traumatic as those STOOPID UGLY UNIs.   25th Anniversary of AirJordan my Chicago Bull butt. ….. Paint MJ silver and lower HisAirness from the rafters on a freakin’ clamshell like Michael De Milo but NO MORE STOOPID SILVER UNIs.

If I asked you to guess The #1 perk of being President of the UNC System, what would you guess?

•    Gene Nichol pretends you’re his intellectual equal at least in your presence? …… NOPE
•    Anson Dorrance gives you Mia’s personal e-address? …….  NOPE
•    When you visit the NCCU campus no one swipes your tires? …… NOPE
•    You can find UNC-Pembroke without a GPS satellite? …… NOPE

The #1 perk to being UNC System President is that your courtside Dean Dome seat is positioned exactly 4’ in front of THE Reigning Princess of All UNC Cheerleaders.  Brooklyn Decker may be the reigning SI swimsuit model but that lovely blond gal who “just happens to be” (wink, wink) positioned in the cheerleader line directly in front of Erskine’s seat is like THE ALL TIME quintessential college cheerleader PERIOD.

NOTE:  This picture is not one I took nor am I even sure it’s “her” but she’s close.  Notice – NO belly button!

Look, she’s younger than our Kid so I’m not “going perv” here at all.  Not one molecule of skank on this little lady anywhere (not that I looked, mind you!).  Silky blond hair with a little blue bow, perfect tan, the consummate cheerleader figure and a perfect smile that could reach the folks waaay up in the upper deck …. many of whom were disguised as empty seats this particular night. ….. and no belly button.  I’m not going to speculate on why, just telling what I saw “from courtside”.

I doubt this little gal had the foggiest notion that three of the most controversial men on the Eastern Seaboard were just hoping a drop of her “perspiration” might fall upon’em.  (NOTE:  girls THAT pretty, don’t “sweat”!).  Munger WAS perspiring but I think it was self-generated.

We Three Amigos were (1) Obama’s Latest Designated Scapegoat ….. (2) The 3rd place finisher in the most recent gubernatorial election ….. and (3) me.

The first place finisher in that election (aka Governor Dumpling) and her entourage were one section over; near “The Thorps” and well away from “our cheerleader”.   Dumpling’s most recent popularity poll #s have her nearing 30%.  At least half that 30% travels with her.   From “courtside” I could see “The Edwards’ seats”.  They were empty.   There WAS a comb, a video camera and a long-handled posing shovel …. but no John or Elizabeth (or Reille) to be seen.

Apparently most of the folks around us were “somebodies” as assorted university fundraising types were shelling their peanuts for’em and asking if they needed their pillows fluffed.   It’s all a tad surreal but something me and Munger agreed we could get used to really quickly.

I’ve been around athletes in various sports for many years but I was struck last night by how much space they take up when there are ten of’em running around at the same time.  OK, nine plus Deon Thompson “standing” around.  Ten basketball players in a half-court fills it up like 50 corporate nerds in an elevator going up.

Do you really want to know if we discussed “politics”?  Yes, of course we did, but in a very civil and jocular way.  All three of us being quite civil and jocular kinda guys.  Erskine is VERY VERY concerned that America is very near national bankruptcy and he thinks he might be able to forestall that by a few weeks via his participation on this silly commission.  While I don’t share his optimism I applaud that he thinks he can make a difference.   I try to make a difference here and don’t always succeed either.

We discussed ships, sails, and sealing wax and a few things that go bump in the night ….. and had a fine time doing so.  The greatest point of argument was each of us declaring that WE enjoyed the evening more than the other two.  I did,  No, I did. No, I did.  What does that tell you?

I related a few incredibly amusing anecdotes and once even punched Erskine on the arm to make a point.   No one ever punched Molly Broad anywhere but apparently a number of people wanted to.

Even if “our cheerleader” had been Ugly Betty it would have still been a swell evening.   That she wasn’t, made it quite a fine time indeed.  Wish you Buddies and Babes coulda all shared it …..

I guess you just did.

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