The Disposable Hero: ONE week ago Peyton Manning was being acclaimed “the greatest QB ever”. One errant pass later he is being compared to Trent Dilfer and Mark Rypien. ….. our frantic search for “heroes” to put on pedestals so we can knock’em off those same pedestals. ….. and BobLee goes ballistic over people going ballistic over latest “Roy said WHAT!” non-story.
I’ll do “Roy said WHAT?” first. I can see you all slobbering and leaning in really close.
NOTE: BobLee will do a 50,000 Watt Mega-Blast on this from 4-5 today (Friday) on WPTF-680 AM. Listen up ….. will talk about Erskine too.
NO ONE delights more in reporting Roy2Rings’ Royisms than yours truly.. This website is the unofficial archive for cataloguing his Huckleberry homilies and “Roy said WHAT yee haa-isms”. But we have a specific standard for such. The current faux-wildfire most definitely does NOT merit inclusion in the archives.
Earlier this week between the most recent loss and the loss before that one, Roy2Rings made the mistake of speaking casually in a room full of open microphones. Which, for Roy, is akin to “dressing up like a pork chop and lying down in a cage full of pit bulls ….” No good ever emerges from such situations except if one is a pit bull or a lazy sports reporter.
The past few weeks of mounting double-digit losses has moved Roy from teeth-grinding anger to the less stress-busting persona of a man maturely resigned to “this just ain’t our year”. He’ll keep fightin’ and scratchin’ and clawin’ but ain’t gonna be no new banners going up in ’10.
Roy, in his pork chop suit, mentioned that the definition of a catastrophe was directly related to one’s direct proximity to the specific incident in question. A variation of my “chicken and pig discussing breakfast” analogy in a past incredibly insightful BLSays column. Roy used the “H” word, Haiti, as one example of a catastrophe and also made reference to his massage therapist.
Maybe it was the visual of a nekkid Roy being kneaded that caused the room full of lazy and largely incompetent reporters to knee-jerk slobber and to text their editors “STOP THE PRESSES – WE JUST GOT US A CONTRIVED NON-STORY!”
NOTE: The regional media over-kill of this non-story is being led by the same dispicable local newspaper that stonewalled the truth about John Edwards for over six months. Can you say The News & Observer boy and girls?
NOTE #2: The UNC flagship campus in Orange County is to exaggerated self-righteousness what The Yankees” are to baseball history. Whoever is #2 will never catch’em but this time their goofy BB coach is the victim.
Quicker than one can say “self-righteously indignant nitwits” that sizable portion of the Internet reserved for sad souls, sickos and “self-righteously indignant nitwits” was dousing itself in jet fuel and setting itself afire. ROY COMPARES LOSING TO TERPS TO 200,000 DEAD HAITIANS !!!! ….. Uh, no, he didn’t.
NOTE #3: A precursory checking of the amount of actual donations to Haiti Relief by those afore-mentioned “self-righteously indignant nitwits” reveals two bottle caps, a box of Kleenex and a burlap sack full of unrequited good intentions but LOTS of self-righteous indignation.
So follow this sequence ….. (1) Roy makes an innocent and easily understood analogy ….. (2) lazy, incompetent media scream “Yippee, we got a non-story” and their lazy, incompetent editors say “well done lazy incompetent reporters, lets REALLY blow this up ….” ….. (3) Lazy incompetent media break out their “Katrina-type” to report “OUTRAGE AT ROY from self-righteously indignant Internet nitwits” ….. (4) Roy forced to “apologize” for a totally innocuous comment. …… (5) Nitwits and lazy media declare “victory” in their battle against common-sense …… (6) what is left of the common-sense contingent in the lower 48 shake their heads at the grim reality that a lazy incompetent media and self-righteous indignant Internet nitwits have formed an unholy alliance as predicted in Nostradamus’ Quatrain #2689. …….
One day closer to The Rapture, dear friends. One day closer.
A year or so ago Kim Kardashian stated her career goal was to replace Paris Hilton as America’s #1 paparazzi magnet. If you equate that with the lima trying to replace the pinto as America’s pre-eminent bean you have it in perspective.
While some would ridicule Kim’s objective as lacking any measure of substance, a case can be made that “lacking any measure of substance” has pretty much replaced Baseball as our national pastime. (See above story about Roy). The Winter X Games and upcoming Winter Olympics made, and will make, a nice effort but fall short in attracting notable main street interest.
As often documented here, Kim, Kourtney and Khloe did indeed curvy hip-check the anorexic hotel heiress onto the “didn’t you used to be” landfill of yesterday’s non-news. I have tried with limited success to document the meteoric rise of the K-girls to you folks over the past six months. Now, alas, I must report that the end of The Era of Mindless Armenian Skanks is in sight. Here come the Jersey Shore bimbos. …… and The Kurvy Kardashians and the Jersey Shore trollops relate to Peyton Manning HOW?
Declaring someone or something to be “the best”, “the worst”, “the most”, “the least”, “the anti-christ of insignificant significance” is replacing Progressive and Geico commercials as the most annoying aspects of owning a high-def flat-screen TV. I do appreciate that ESPN must fill 24 hours a day on 25 separate channels with inane blather. I was fine with Australian Rules Football back in ESPN’s early years and Jimmy Houston kissing fish ….. but I guess I’m not their target market any more. So we just had two solid weeks of anointing the quite-accomplished Peyton Manning as “the ultimate sliced bread” of Football. Tom WHO ….. Joe WHO ….. Bart WHO ….. Johnny U WHO …… Y.A. WHO? Now he’s Ryan Leaf, John Huarte and Gary Beban ???
I appreciate Peyton Manning in the same way I appreciate Derek Jeter, Joe Maurer, John Stockton, Kyle Petty, Jim Grobe and Jim Furyk among a few others. Highly talented sports guys who perform at a very high level over time and manage to keep from doing/saying asinine crap in a world that has an insatiable appetite for people doing/saying asinine crap.
To define Peyton Manning by one errant pass is both pathetic and predictable. Is the only reason we elevate people to hero status is so they then make better targets for the inevitable slings and arrows of our collective attempts to destroy them? ….. sigh, sob, sniff.
Uh BobLee ….. what about Erskine Bowles’ retirement announcement Friday AM? DANG ….. I can’t cover EVERY freakin’ story in one albeit incredibly insightful column. I’ll discuss EB later.