smarter than most people!”

March15/ 2009

…. Esteemed Mecklenburg barrister P. Coleman Buck once profundicated “I thought I knew everything worth knowing when I was in the 6th grade.  50 years later I am convinced I was right.”  ….. This week I received a text message from our Mizzou senior “Kid”.  “Dad, I just realized I’m smarter than most people”.  I replied “DUH!  My dear, that gift comes with a curse.  Use it wisely.” ….. Aren’t we ALL “smarter than most people”? …… (btw; “Kid” really IS!) …. And some TV show reviews.

For most of the past half century I agreed with Barrister Buck.  I’m not sure if he could whup Chancellor Doogie in a Rubik’s Cube race but he IS good enough at Jeopardy that I know I’ve been in a tussle.  Until recently …..

We have a nasty “rich drunk driving doctor kills a pretty ballerina” case in my town.  I asked P.C. Buck Esq. to read the on-line stories on it and proffer his legal opine.  As he did so I realized he was assimilating the blithering flatulence of the anonymous yahoos  into the actual facts of the case ….. GREAT GOOGLY MOOGLY!  

BROTHER BUCK …. Those anonymous comments are just scrawls on a toilet stall wall.” ….. “Oh, I thought those things were validated somehow …”  geeezzzz.  Long time BobLee Buddy Buck also thinks all the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders are saving themselves for Mr. Right.  Yes, Buck did go to Duke.  How did you know that?

The above notwithstanding (as well as some lop-sided political foolishness) Mr. Buck is indeed quite “smart” by  standard definitions of the word.  As are a number of moi’s  amigos – W.A. Allen, CokeDaddy, Skippa’s Boy, Dr Danny, Princess Fairmont, Dr Tim, PAL, GoalLine, Leakin’ Leon, Pistol, the Greenwich Village Idiot, and “YOU” of course.  “YOU” absolutely of course. (Missus is in a whole different league!)

When I bid a not so fond adieu to assorted “Duffin Mifflins” of corporate America, I counted “not having to pretend to suffer fools (and staff meetings)” as even better than not having to wear a tie or socks.  Oh, I still encounter the occasional human hairball and nose-pickin’ nitwit ….. but I don’t have to pretend to tolerate them.   I learned I have about a 45 minute nitwit tolerance which is why my BobLeeLive show is only 35 minutes long.

“Kid” has always been “quick on the uptake”.  Somehow she sifted thru the better of my qualities and those of her mother and blended them into her very own quite impressive DNA helix ….. the resultant recipe will serve her well.  I say that with hesitancy that a certain naïveté mixed with a soupcon of cluelessness might also be a big help in the years to come for her (and for anyone).

Spending one’s life in a never-ending series of  “I knew it!” and “I told you so’s” gets really old.  I’ve had the Cassandrian Curse for decades.   Placing oneself on the “how smart am I” spectrum is a Catch-22.   It certainly has nada to do with SAT scores or Mensa keys or “who you voted for” (albeit some actions ARE excellent indicators!).

I am pretty sure that I am “a clever fellow” but forever burdened by personality foibles that have reared their ugly heads at the most inopportune moments in my life.  A quickness to boredom and an inability to focus for any length of time, for instance, limits me to writing columns rather than novels where the BIG BUCKS are.  But has led to some incredibly entertaining butterfly chases over the years!

“Kid” does not seem so burdened so far.  Her youthful idealism is “charming” and will likely be tempered by Murphy’s Law as we all have been.  If she is indeed as “smart” as indications indicate, she will find her niche ‘tween Pollyanna and a cynical Scrooge (in his pre-ghost visits days).

That the most doltish of human hairballs confidently consider themselves quite “the bomb” when it comes to smarts is why anonymous Internet forums are so popular.  A life of minimal to zero achievements can be cloaked in ALLCAP dogmatic absurdums that would give Mortimer Snerd a migraine.

If one is compelled to ardently convince all with whom one comes in contact of one’s self-proclaimed brilliance; it is likely a flickering match and not of mega-watt power.  For that reason I am betting that Holden does NOT have a Rubik’s Cube in his corner office at South Building.


Have you been watching the season premieres of the Official BobLee rasher of “TV shows you really need to watch”?  There are only 6-8 and none of the “reality” gendre.  If you watch ANYTHING involving Ryan Seacrest, a Kardashian, or grossly unattractive and/or skanky people you really should not.  Midgets and cheerleaders are OK of course.

  NOTE:  Lamar Odom’s recent “bachelor party” prior to wedding a Kardashian (Khloe) was planned by the “Girls Gone Wild” guy.   It involved, in addition to the obvious, “midgets handing out candy”.   Even the epitome of debauchery can have its charm.

CASTLE:  My new #1 Fave.  Those of you who have noted that the suave, roguish quipster Richard Castle reminds you of a certain Internet Legend ARE very “smart”.  The sexual tension ‘tween Castle and Beckett is ratcheting up this season.  ABC Monday night – WATCH IT.

CSI-Miami:  This could be the “jump the shark” season for Horatio, Calleigh and Co.  This week’s was a Classic.  It was a look back at how the team was first assembled ….. and how Horatio got his first pair of Ray Bans.  He hits the “H-pose” at the very end and you can’t help but cheer.

Cougar Town:  If you think Nip/Tuck has not one iota of socially redeeming value, visit Cougartown w/ Courtney Cox.  By Episode 3 Courtney will be getting it on with farm animals.  Think Desperate Housewives about three clicks further down the Hell In a Handbasket scale.  Courtney is hot and the kid is a hoot but this one really is uber-raunchy.

Criminal Minds:  One of my three “crime-fighting team” shows.  Missus won’t watch this one as every week the B.A.U. battles another Jeffrey Dalmer or Jason Voorhees crazy.  “Dr Ryan” is my fave in this one.  He’s a geek savant speed reader with an encyclopedic mind.  I don’t care for “Hoch” and I miss Jason Gideon.

NCIS:  The best cliff-hangar from last season.  Ziva being tortured on “the horn of Africa” by a muslim crazy.   Defying direct orders, Gibbs & The Guys go to “rescue Ziva” with each contributing their special aptitude.   If you saw it you know my fave part ….. A Gilley-suited Leroy Jethro Gibbs “BobLee Swaggers” the crazy A-rab right between the eyes from 1,000 yards away ….. one incredible shot – one stone dead crazy A-rab.  The team returns to DC HQ and gets a standing O from the entire office as they step out of the elevator.  Chill bumps !!!!

Mentalist:  Patrick is up to his old tricks but he will be more vulnerable this season.  “Red John” still lurks.  “President Logan” takes the team off the case causing Patrick to pout.  Expect increasing sexual tension between Jane and whatshername the squad leader.


Have you written me in the past few weeks and NOT received a reply?  I have been in an epic battle with e-mail gremlins.  I have now vanquished the cyber creepy crawlies and am, at least for the time being, once again master of my compu-domain.  I “outsmarted” the pesky sumbitches.

ALERT !!!! …. If you have a son or daughter in the Greek system at UNC (or any similar environment) TALK TO THEM and know what’s going on in their lives.  Don’t assume he/she would never do “THAT”.  A LOT of “THAT” is being done by somebodies’ sons and daughters.

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