Two Jack Armstrongs, More Roy and Jeremiah

July22/ 2008

Back in the 40s there was a popular fictional character called “Jack Armstrong – All American Boy”.  I’ve found two such young men still among us (not named Roger Clemens!).   Meanwhile Ol’ Roy’s “Piss’em ALL Off Dadgummit Tour” enters Phase Three.   I agree with Uncle Jeremiah, recalls Joe Biden’s warning AND finds a “Whatta Ya Know” about a local media mogul. …. .

Their ilk may never come our way again so savor them my “old school” chums.  They are throwbacks to a bygone era.  In an era where “student-athlete” ranks with “honest politician” on our cultural scrapheap.  A college athlete who says “getting a degree matters to me” and can do so without giggling is rarer than a rotary phone in 2008.  Two young men are doing that:

 Tyler Hansbrough Chase Daniel

   Tyler you know about, right?  He is eschewing NBA $$$ to play ping pong with Bobby and Marcus for another year.  Reaction to his decision breaks down along the usual UNC vs ABC grounds.  UNCers think it’s his addiction to The Old Water Fountain and beautiful Franklin Street. ABCers say “he ain’t good enuff”.  Blah, blah, blah.

Out in Columbia MO, Chase Daniel is following the same path.  Chase is Mizzou’s All Everything QB who, like Tyler, has a game ideally suited for college football and less so for “the league”.  Mizzou loyalists think Chase is tied to The Columns (their Old Water Fountain) and KUers (Roy 2nd favorite school if you didn’t know) say it’s because he’s not good enuff ….. blah blah blah.

Both Chase and Tyler will get real degrees in four years.  No, neither is majoring in Aeronautical Engineering or Caucasian-American History.  Chase is majoring in Business Finance; Tyler in something else.  Both are strong character kids.  Both come from solid small town situations …. Poplar Bluff (Not Popular Bluff btw) and Southlake TX a suburb of Dallas.  Both are undersized for their positions by pro standards.

Tyler was consensus NPOY this year ….. Chase was a Heisman finalist.

Both are known as “gamers” and continually touted for their tenacity and competitive fire.  Both are “quiet leader types”.  Both score really high in the if my daughter brought him home, it would be just fine” category

Neither is projected to ever be a star “at the next level” but both are projected to be solid citizens in life and will be permanently enshrined into the Pantheon of Heroes at UNC and Mizzou respectively. ….. “permanently enshrineed into your alma mater’s Pantheon of Heroes” …. That’s sounds like a quite cool place to be enshrined I think.

   Tyler The Tar Heel Chase The Tiger 

All American Boys …. Indeed!


   Raise your hand if you recall my telling you that goofy Ol’ Roy would indeed “fire …. ready …. aim” again because it is his nature?  Apparently Huckleberry has embarked on his own “Piss EVERYBODY Off” Tour – Phase Three.

Phase One was Massacre by The Alamo

   Phase Two was “the sticker” ….. now

   Phase Three – Do gratuitous photo op w/ Cocoa Puff

Rev Jeremiah’s star congregant was trolling for fawning disciples on Tuesday in Chapel Hill and figured Ol’ Roy would be a nice “get” for him.  We do not know if this was a command performance for Roy per Ye Olde Legendary Liberal In The Basement or if Roy had the slightest idea who “the guy with the funny ears” was.   Roy did refer to him as “maybe the next president” but may have been prompted to say that.  A “baby-kissing” scrimmage with a few players accompanied BO’s “get”.  The two celebrities compared public faux pas.

Asked to identify Jeremiah Wright and Bill Ayers, Roy guessed “a power forward at Oak Hill” and “a point guard at Mater Dei” respectively.  Asked if he knew who NC’s two Senators are, Roy guessed Harmon Killebrew and Clint “Scrap Iron” Courtney.

Regardless Roy done done it.  He be a goggle-eyed Franklin Street Moonbat now.  Which means he won’t have to worry about parking tickets in Carrboro ever again but it means his popularity with a sizable % of UNC fans will now bear the infamous “Dean but” as in “but I never much cared for his politics”.

 There is a very good reason that 99.9% of coaches do NOT reveal their political preferences …. or their sexual fantasy.  Both bits of personal information are best left to their fans imagination.

We managed to get a copy of Roy’s “Piss’em All Off Tour” schedule.  It is well-planned to agitate pretty much every UNC fan at some point before he’s done.  Ol’ Roy is a true original.  Gotta luv’em.

Phase Four – Roy declares his barbecue preference Lexington or DownEast

Phase Five – Roy picks between Ginger or Mary Ann

Phase Six – Roy prefers Magnolia Grill or Crook’s Corner

Phase Seven – Roy’s Favorite ACC Referee

Phase Eight –  Roy tells us which of his children is his most and least favorite

Phase Nine – Roy reveals Wanda’s least attractive body part

Phase Ten – Roy announces which of his assistants he would shoot if he had to shoot one of them.


   In Charlotte the countdown has officially begun for Suitcase Larry shedding his first tear as a Bobcat.  NOBODY in NBA history does “tearful goodby” press extravaganzas like Suitcase Larry.  When that time does come will “the Carolina family” back MJ or SLB?   Will Alexander Julian be redesigning the Bobcats unis?  Would anyone notice, or care, if he did?


   I noted in the last column that Raleigh has a most interesting little brouhaha abrewin’.  Recall “that NCGOP ad” that Capitol Broadcasting’s WRAL refused to run last week because it had negative connotations for Obama.  We told you here that CBC’s Owner/Head Honcho Jim Goodmon has a spousal dilemma.  Jim’s wife, Barbara got bit by a rabid lib squirrel about eight years ago and embarked on a guilt-ridden campaign to undermine Jim’s professional credibility …. as well as give away the family fortune to an assortment of bleeding tree-hugger flim flam projects.

If you were “a media mogul” sensitive to protests of media bias would you have TWO Obama yard signs in your front yard?  Neither would Jim Goodmon until eight years ago.  Jim would not even allow CBC employees to have candidate bumper stickers on their cars.  …. Those were the “pre-Barbara goes bonkers” days.  Now media mogul Jim has TWO Obama signs in his front yard. …. Uh oh.  Suppose FoxNews got ahold of these pictures and the story behind them.  Just suppose …

Of all the crap accompanying “politics” these days, THIS sort of crap gets me the most agitated.


   Speaking of Uncle Jeremiah.  Folks, I’m taking a real likin’ to the Rantin’ Reverend.  He doesn’t scare me with all his fiery flatulence.  His bit comparing the Michigan State band to the Florida A&M or Grambling bands was terrific.

I did watch his piece with Bill Moyers and near’bout threw up.  But that was because of Moyers.  Bill Moyers is the only self-absorbed journalist ranked BELOW Dan Rather and Perky Katie on the “list every self-absorbed journalist in America by credibility”.   Bill Moyers is tied with Melanie Sill at rock bottom.

On Tuesday, Cocoa Puff did throw Jeremiah under the campaign bus and backed over him a dozen times.  But don’t count “Uncle J” out.  This ol’ blustery buzzard is like Jason Voorhees and will keep coming back to terrorize Barack at Crystal Lake throughout the summer.

Uncle Jeremiah is a vintage Black Preacher 100% true to who/what he is.  The one trying to bambozzle delegates is C-Puff.  

Remember when Joe Biden (aka The Talking Disaster From Delaware) said Obama could be a worthy candidate because he seems clean”.  “Seems clean” is Liberal-speak for black but not too black” which is how Lib Elites prefer “their blacks”.

The Mocha Candidate w/ his Mocha Wife can attend a Manhatten cocktail party without being mistaken for the hired help.  (MONEY LINE!) ….

Put Mocha Barack in a Clarence Thomas degree of “blackness” and Joe Biden and the Barbara Goodmons of the Left would say “yucky-poo” and be skeered they might catch sickle-cell or “whatever disease those people carry”.   Barack Obama is getting too black” these days for the Left Elite.

Limousine Liberals are to racial hypocrisy what Eskimos are to igloo-building.  They “do it” better than anyone on Earth.



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