Who’s Bringing The Marshmallows?

June29/ 2008

…. Your humble I-Legend is being besieged for my opinion on the Prez primaries and the “milk & honey & doom & gloom” rhetoric.  America will “get what it deserves” with its elected politicians.   Likewise I will get what I deserve relative to my success and happiness.  I like my chances a helluva lot better than America’s. ….. Lengthy but INCREDIBLY insightful !!

The United States government, as we have come to define it, will continue to function in its fashion well beyond November.  Unless you plan to bolt for a condo in Costa Rica, that guvmint will exert some degree of influence in your daily life.  It always has.  What degree depends on you.

I did not become this beacon of hope amid the fog of mediocrity blanketing our planet without battle scars.  I have in my life’s journey encountered obstacles just like Dorothy, Ulysses, Jason (the Argonaut, not the psycho) and other adventurers.  I have tangled with my share of munchkins and flying monkeys.  Every obstacle resulted in some way from poor decision-making on my part.  My naïveté and assorted psychological abnormalities played their parts.  One way or the other I AM ACCOUNTABLE for every difficulty I have encountered and how I chose to deal with it.  

Divorce, deaths of parents, occupational reconsiderations, financial swamps, mugging, major surgery, personality conflicts aplenty (!!) …. pretty much the gamut except for military combat and jail time.  My life has not been any more hectic and challenging than anyone’s about my age.  I absolutely yield to anyone who stormed Omaha Beach …. hunkered down at Chosan Reservoir or waded thru a rice paddy during Tet.

When life’s quicksand has crept up to my knees, waist, chin; I never imagined that “the government or its representatives” would, or should, come to my rescue.   Thru random acts of prudence and procrastination on my part I find myself blessed in the areas of greatest importance.  The government did not bestow those blessings although there are indications “it” might try to take them from me in these end times.

…. When you know in your gut that you are incapable of taking care of yourself and your loved ones, you live in constant fear that whoever you have abdicated that responsibility to is likewise incapable of doing so.  You are justified to live with that fear.  I don’t so I don’t.

I know a handful of elected officials at each level.  They are not “ALL a buncha _____ “ any more than “all Tar Heels are a buncha ____” or “all Hispanics are a buncha ____”  Broadbrushing is the convenient knapsack of ignorance.  Our balance of powers system requires ideological compromises to avoid gridlock.  I now realize that governmental gridlock is exactly the outcome we should strive for. 

 Politics American Style over the past 75+ years is an Augean Stable of such repulsiveness that only the most naïve Pollyanna with an ethical death wish would aspire to enter. “Anyone who WANTS to be ‘in politics’ should be disqualified from doing so”.  Good and true men (& women) deserve better than to be devoured in such pursuits.

“But BobLee if ‘good people’ don’t run, all we’ll end up with is crooks, scallywags, shysters, scoundrels, and the ethical dregs that society has to offer.”  ….. Yeah, and what’s your point?

May the scoundrels on both sides of the aisle engage in an endless stalemate accomplishing absolutely nothing thereby allowing the rest of us the freedom to engage in bad judgement, naïveté, chase silly dreams, procrastinate, develop endless resolutions to diet, exercise, read the classics and tell our loved ones we love them more often.  In the course of doing that we might enjoy occasional good fortune, find the occasional truffle, raise families with manageable neurosis and remember to change our oil and our a/c filters regularly.

Considering ANY US Senator as “Presidential” is akin to expecting a peacock to pull a plow.  Senators are at best “theater critics”.  They can not produce, direct or act …. But they love to tell others how they would have if they could have.  My pal Sammy Culbertson, owner/manager of the Chick-fil-A at University Mall, has more admin/management expertise in “running something” than McCain, Hilly, and Cocoa Puff COMBINED.  “SAMMY IN ’08 …. Eat More Chicken !”

I “enjoy” insider status in a subset of the national political scene.  I am privy to intell good and bad that never makes it to Katie’s teleprompter or to the partisan pundit panels.  The mainstream media is not as bad as I often cajole ….. it is worse.  Arrogance and bias fuels obscene egos.  It is not the simple partisan issue it gets conveniently labeled.  It is a vocational epidemic.  That arrogant little piss-ant op/ed guy at your metro paper that you think is “an arrogant little piss-ant”.   Is.

No …. they are NOT “all a buncha ____” either; but the vast majority are indeed “a buncha ____”.  Beyond their celebrity cult status there is minimal “there” there.  Celebrity status trumps honest and trustworthy six ways to Sunday these days.

All of God’s chillun have “common sense”????  I ask my audiences “raise your hand if you have common sense”.  All the dumb sumbitches must be hiding somewhere because I’ve yet to have one hand not raised.  Rephrase the question to “how many think MY POLITICIAN is OK but all those other sorry sumbitches are crooks?” ….. again unanimous.  A lot of somebodies give themselves smoke enemas.

Of the remaining Prez candidates, none have indicated appreciation for, or familiarity with, the basic principles I consider important in a successful society.  Why should I expect their administrations to pursue those objectives.  Their target markets prefer shiny trinkets with the word “free” in front of them.

…. As a White Baby Boomer (WBB) I was always in THE #1 cow-towed-to demographic in America.  NOW as an AGING White Baby Boomer (AWBB) that is no longer the case.  The line of suitors now seeking my favor has been reduced to retailers of Fountain Of Youth elixers and the nostalgia merchants.  I have accepted that better than some of my contemporaries.

John McCain is a dishonest and vindictive individual with a violent hair-trigger temper.  He lies with the ease of a serial killer or a ponzi schemer preying on senior citizens.  He would not be the first or last “serial liar” to occupy The White House.  The “advantage” of electing McCain is that he has significant health issues and the pressures of President will likely kill him mid-term.

“McCrazy” will, for sure, finish closer to the top in November than he ever did in his graduating class at Annapolis.  If simply “but, he’s a former POW” is an entitlement to be POTUS, give me 20 minutes to find 40 better examples to choose from that bring  legitimate credentials, and far less baggage, to the table.

Everyone my age knows combat veterans be they our fathers from WWI or WWII (my father was in both!) or classmates who served in VN.  How many have you ever heard talk at length about their war experience much less “brag” about it?  I know of two …. John McCain and John Kerry.  Enough said.

 Hillary Clinton is an avowed Marxist Socialist.  To her credit she does not deny it.  She smugly realizes that 98% of her target constituency has absolutely no clue what that means.  (FWIW 97% of the media fluffies don’t have a clue either.)  The tried and true Socialist formula:

  1. Just take over public education …. and
  2. Wait for enough generations to be programmed (dumbed down) …. and
  3. To reach voting age….. and
  4. Then harvest their votes like soybeans.  Voila!

We are fast approaching that critical mass with the illiterate alien situation advancing the takeover timetable a few years. The gap between a dumbed-down electorate and a quasi aware electorate will widen exponentially to infinity.  Boding quite unwell for the latter.

Socialism is OK for that 1% that will receive “a dacha on The Volga”.  Every pseudo-intellectual faculty squirrel assumes he/she will.  Nope.  No dachas on The Volga for faculty squirrels.  I’ve seen the list.

When a population reaches a level of mainstream dependent dullardness, Socialism does offer a convenient method of crowd control.  “Katrina” was the ideal vehicle to gauge if America has reached that critical mass of gullibility.  It has.

The rampant absurdities of Katrina had nothing to do with Bush or “Brownie” and everything to do with another federal bureaucracy collapsing under its own weight while trying to cope with a socio-cultural mass systematically dumbed back to the stone age.  Throw that into a steaming pot of crooked local officials and light the fuse.  KABOOM!

Pick any federal agency.  Use the visual of one of those 800 lbs guys that Richard Simmons always finds.  Imagine that 800 lb guy trying to stand on one foot and whistle.  Hillary or Cocoa Puff will feed all these 800 lb guys bags of donuts 3x a day.

The elected officials get the primo parking spaces but “the we-bees” always rule.  Every government agency has gorged itself on donuts and lard for well over 50 years thru Democ and Repub administrations.  We-bees always win because they survive and fester with EVERY election cycle.

This country’s physical infrastructure (roadways, water systems and power grids) are in critical disrepair at every jurisdictional level …. Alasasphalt, water and electricity don’t vote.  The critical and legitimate responsibilities of government get tabled while the peacocks preen to a People magazine-obsessed electorate.

 LBJ’s Great Society …. A boffo idea for sure?  It HAS “succeeded” in its underlying objective of enslaving as many poor ignorant people as possible to a lifetime of poverty and ignorance.  (1) Never quite teach them HOW to fish and (2) Feed them increasingly less nutritious pieces of fish. These braindead “Mikies” will glom on to any empty promise of more empty calories aka “free crap”.  “Free crap” is all they’ve ever known …. Or ever will know.

Stubborn as I am, I know to “run Forrest run” when silver-tongued street hustlers lure me with promises of “free”.

If there is any “advantage” to Barack OWonka it is his abject cluelessness.  He is “cotton candy w/ funny ears” ….  Cocoa Puff as POTUS = a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader piloting the Space Shuttle!

Obama on National Defense:  Arm every citizen with a Successories poster and a bumper sticker.

It will take him a year plus to find the remote to change the channel on the White House TV.  C-Puff will bleach out his blackness once he has the key to the kingdom.  Every Democrat Warlord always does that.  He will parade a few bruthas and sistahs thru the West Wing for photo ops then realize that Caroline Kennedy and Teddy The Hutt could care less about him.  The Kennedys could not abide the thought of being “out-dynastied” by Da Clintons.  OWonka will stumble and bumble thru a four-year national root canal surgery.  America will emerge even more divided and dispirited.

He appeals to a “gimmee” constituency that has anointed The Oprah as their Madonna.  Why not Barack OWonka as their Messiah?

I am my own messiah. …. NOTE: That’s with a small “m”.  We are now being told that “faith” is foolish and, if some get their way, should be criminalized.  But we are expected to follow these superficial charlatans because they have clever speechwriters and a pocketful full of cheap parlour tricks?

McCain the vindictive serial liar ….. Hillary the avowed Socialist ….. Clueless Cocoa Puff ….. Piffle and a pox on all of’em.  Nobody is responsible for BobLee’s happiness but BobLee.

Are you relying upon mankind to have a Road To Armaggedon epiphany?  A road lined w/ votive candles?

When the next 9/11 happens (It WILL) or a giant meteorite hurtles towards your cul-de-sac do you really expect Nancy No-Blink or Dingy Harry to save the day?  In the immortal words of Slim Pickens in Dr Strangelove …. YEEEEEEEE HAAAA!

If you are still hearing a voice in your head saying “Americans aren’t THAT stoopid” then you have not been paying attention for the past 20 years.  Don’t confuse high-tech w/ high-character.  Maybe you aren’t THAT stoopid but you have been effectively marginalized.  A disconcerting reality to accept.

It took millions of years to split the Grand Canyon.  It only took 16 years to complete the splitting of America.  Neither chasm is going to narrow in my lifetime, if ever.

Other than the curiosity given to twitching roadkill I do not much care who becomes President in November.  Bill Clinton was a clever conniving Otter from Animal House with a dash of smarmy Eddie Haskell thrown in.  Bush and Bush were essentially decent men but neither one up to the level of “gravitas” required to do much beyond kinda referee that aforementioned tug-of-war stalemate.

I count several heaping handfuls of “Democrats” among my dearest friends.  We maneuver around our combustible differences to find pockets of mutual enjoyment.  My Democ pals are likewise committed to making our Final Days as pleasant as a prelude to global conflagration can be.  The only question ….

….. who is bringing the marshmallows?

    No sci-fi scenario ever projects mankind becoming MORE civil or less determined to control the lives of his fellow man.  From George Orwell to Isaac Asimov to Planet Of The Apes and including The Book Of Revelations …. The Future is always presented as an oppressive amoral society with strict government control over a somnambulant race of comatose humanoids.  Circumstantial speed bumps might slow this inevitable evolution down an election cycle or two.  That’s all I need.

I am an AWBB walking down Life’s 14th Fairway.  I have maybe 20 more years max before I putt out assuming some babbling sand monkey with a suitcase nuke doesn’t target me to earn his martyrdom.  The keel for my Viking Funeral Ship is already being laid.  Other than the grins and affirmations I might leave in these archives, my legacy will be what seeds of gumption I have sown in Kid’s gizzard.

A day will come when neither Mizzus nor I will be at the other end of Kid’s cell phone. When the storm clouds are gathering and a dragon’s breath is hot upon her cheek she’ll have to hold her own head high and stand her ground. The strength she will call upon will be within her …. not in Washington.   

 That’s how we are doing it.  You do whatever works for you.

When the ACLU and the Carrboro Commies storm my cul-de-sac Alamo trying to make me copulate with a billy goat or take down my Christmas tree or confiscate my copy of King Jimmy’s Good Book ….. there’ll be a pile of the no-count sumbitches stacked up dead and dying on the front porch waiting for the next shuttle bus to Hell.  

Like Ragnar the Viking, there comes a time when you simply stick the knife between your teeth, grab a battle ax in each hand and dive into the pit of wolves.   

Cowards die many times before their deaths. 

The Valiant never taste of death but once.


Kirk Douglas … Tony Curtis … Ernest Borgnine

Which one was Ragnar?


   Have I “given up”?  Heck No!  Giving up is expecting an election or any politician to make you happy.  When the government always fails, you have a convenient entity beyond yourself to blame for your ongoing misery.  Like how fans use Dickie Baddour or referees.  

   The November elections will come ….. and go.  Those who view Life radically different than I do, might find momentary relief quickly replaced by their terminal angst …. for that is THEIR nature.  Any disconsolation I might feel will quickly give way to my standard jour du vie ….. for that is MY nature.   Bring it on!

    America “gets what it deserves” with its elected politicians.  Likewise I “get what I deserve” relative to my success and happiness.  I like my chances a helluva lot better than America’s.

 We return you now to your regularly scheduled programming.


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