Rimshots 11/02/07

November08/ 2007

A lot of mini-issues to cover today.  Could probably make a full column out of each but let’s not. …. “The Little David Factor” …. “The Fan Votes Are In” …. “May Flies & Dyslexic Crickets” …. “Seersucker Joe Cheshire” …. “Federer & Beckham” …. “SOTBT Changes” …. “Uh Oh Freaky Friday on 15-501” ….. and a few others.

UNC and NCSU fans should be very jealous of those Wacky Appy Guys.  The Appy folks got to experience a pure joy that will never be allowed a Tar Heel or Wuff loyalist …… “The Little David Factor”.   

State fans and ESPECIALLY Carolina fans approach EVERY sports contest with a goofy faux sense of “entitlement”.  We “deserve to win” this game because John Tesh / Rick Dees went to our school yadda yadda.  Sure that is absurd.  So?

Even glorious upsets such as the FSU and Miami “Damn, We Won!” games that highlighted the Burly John Era were not “Little David” games.

That great philosopher and giant satyr Wilt Chamberlain noted “No one pulls for Goliath.”  Which is not exactly true as all the Philistines were pulling for The G Man versus that sneaky little shepherd kid with the slingshot and smooth river rock.

Both UNC and NCSU loonies consider their affiliated institutions to be athletic “goliaths” to whom all others should pay homage because “ _________ “.  OK, the “because” gets a bit fuzzy but fuzzy facts ne’er stopped determined Loonie fan.

My Deacon Pals had their “Little David Moments” last December in the ACC Championship and later in the Orange Bowl.  Several uttered the Little David Prayer – “we NEVER figured we’d ever get to celebrate this …. Let’s enjoy it!”.  And “enjoy they did.

Case in point …. As Ol’ Roy was cutting down the nets in St Louis a few years ago, 86% of Tar Heel Nation was already fretting “will they all turn pro and leave us weak next year?” ….. which group of fans experienced real JOY IN THE MOMENT! ….. Go Deacs …. Go Appy State.

The Fans Votes Are In ….. my sources within UNC Sports Promotion tell me that the fan reaction to the “itty bitty LED #s” reached a volume not seen since over 1206 Jr Hi girls called in wanting a Dante Calabria smelly sweat band.  All the other “for the fan” features were generally well-received except those itty bitty #s.  OK …. Most everyone wants “Blue Fireworks” too.  Consider that 8% of fans at any “Goliath” school disapprove of any and every thing ever done on their behalf, that means the UNC Promotion Guys did pretty darn well.  Even John Philip Fuchs’ Marching Blue People were noticeably improved (Don’t tell Fuchsy I said that.  We have “a thing” going).

Fans also voted Jessica Alba as Norwood’s Ideal Prom Date.  Spiderman is relieved he will not have to fight Norwood for Kirsten Dunst.

I will be in G-Vegas on Saturday but not optimistic that the drive home will be celebratory in nature.  In case we do come in 2nd remember the official “Whenever UNC plays ECU Excuse” …. “They” get to recruit dumb guys and we don’t.

May Flies & Dyslexic Crickets ….. more and more Nervous Nellies are fretting because Butch has not already signed 10-12 High School Harrys from Murphy To Manteo.  Don’t be Nervous, Nellie.  Butch Davis may / may not know how to grill a steak, make a good cup o’ coffee or tie a sheepshank …. But the guy is a recruiting machine.  Maybe just maybe he has his eye on bigger, better, faster, meaner kids from states not known for Mayberry, vinegar-based barbecue and The Lost Colony.  But if you have already given up hope because Lil’ Cletus on TheTarPit says Butch is an over-rated idiot, feel free to contact “that Damn Dickie” Baddour just like you have done for the past 10 years.

Over in West Rawlee …. Lupine crickets are chirping “we fired Chuck for THIS!”

In Hoo-ville a “Bring Back George Blackburn” club has started.

In Tally, it’s “Still One Too Many Bowdens On The Payroll”.

Remember Joe Cheshire of “Nifong/Lacrosse Dream Team” fame.  Remember how everyone not employed by the N&O cheered for Joe and Wade Smith and their bright-eyed truth-seekers thru the muck and mire of Derm’s Darkest Days.  Joe was the eloquent one in the Ben Matlock seersucker suit and Colonel Sanders’ goatee.

It is said in NC legal circles ….. If you are holding a smoking gun and you “did it”, call Wade Smith the crackerjack plea bargainer.  If you are holding a smoking gun and you “did NOT do it” call Joe Cheshire the ace jury jouster.

99.9% of us non-attorneys on Earth get our legal expertise from TV shows.  Except for Law & Order (and Shark), lawyer shows usually have the defense counsel as the white knight hero and “the DA” as the Snidley Whiplash guy.  Certainly Crash’s crash & burn did little to dispel that image.

So anyhoo …. We all loved and cheered Seersucker Joe as he berated and verbally bludgeoned Ye Olde Village Idiot.  But did you know that Joe also defended the F-Bomb Alley Tailgate Shooter #1 and most recently a multiple “little boy molester”.  In both instance, Joe did NOT cut down the nets.  His guys was found guilty.

The F-Bomb Alley Shooter is set to meet Old Sparky at some point in the future.  The multiple molester has a 13 year reservation at The Graybar Hilton.  “Pervs” get less than VIP treatment behind the gray bars so those 3500+ nights are gonna be quite yucko for Mr. Perv.

When the Perv’s sentence was announced, Seersucker Joe did the old “my client was a victim of abuse himself as a child so he really should be set free to traumatize even more little boys ….” speech.  I know a little something about the case …. Enough to know that Joe “All my clients are Innocent even the Guilty ones” Cheshire is waaay off base this time.  But if I am ever holding that smoking gun, I’ll probably call Seersucker Joe myself.

   Joe and Wade may reconsider when they hear that Lizzie is switching her support to Miss Teen South Carolina.  “She knows lots more about foreign policy than my husband …. and is almost as pretty.” 

The US Open Tennis Whatever is happening right now.  Who knew?  In an attempt to attract more viewers than Katie Couric playing in the Stanley Cup, Bud Collins is bringing in David Beckham to be Roger Federer’s doubles partner.  “Beck” will have his injured foot in a cast but will play with his shirt off so who cares if he’s never held a tennis racquet.  David Beckham Saves American Tennis ….. Hallelujah!

Like any good coach (LloydCarr, Charlie The Hutt and Papa Bowden excluded) BobLee is making early season adjustments in his tailgating routine.  Like Lee Child’s fictional hero, Jack Reacher, BobLee is not a stationary beast …. I gotta prowl.  I will be at Shadow Of The Bell Tower for each Old Well Walk but otherwise I’ll be roamin’ the campus.  Moving targets are harder to hit.

After over 100 Rotary Club appearances across The Carolinas, Mr Quippy Smart-Aleck Himself enters The Belly Of The Beast aka “Prince Tassel Loafer’s Club”.  Uh oh!  Somewhere Paul Harris is spinning in his grave.  CHPD will be on hand with fire hoses and riot batons.  The Meez and Mad Mohammed are sponsoring a candlelight vigil on Thursday night at The Brueggars in Eastgate.  It’s BYOVC.   ….. Does anyone know if Adam & Eve carries an inflatable Susan Ehringhaus doll?

Promoter Cliff Butler wants “a bigger crowd than claim they were in Carmichael when Sweet D beat Duke in the Comeback Game”.  That means over 228,000.  Better get there early.  A “hoot” is guaranteed. 

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