Holy Abner Doubleday!

October21/ 2007

…. I’ll always be “a baseball guy”  It was “my sport” as a kid.  College football is the best sports event to attend with its color and pageantry etc but for sounds, smells and drama “I’m a baseball guy”.  But The Colorado Rockies and Milwaukee Brewers still in pennant races in late September ???  HOLY ABNER DOUBLEDAY!  BobLee gets some anthrax in our e-mails ….  and we update that Chancellor search with the first choice.

No, I did not make “The Search Committee” for TNC but I did get to enter the first “searchee” ….. Condoleezza Rice.  She has big time academic cred, oodles of diversity points, will need a new job, high profile management skills, LOVES FOOTBALL, and just her name on the list will create total chaos on Franklin Street.  Condi …. Condi …. Condi!

My affection for baseball lies in its reliability over time.  The Red Sox v Yankees …. 60’6” …. 3-2 …. When the pitcher bluffs a pick-off throw to 2nd, some fan will ALWAYS yell “balk” …. And The Rockies and Brewers in the playoffs !!!  What?  OK, not quite but its possible with just a weekend left to play.  Happy Chandler would be “happy” to see such parity in the game.

After 155 games, the only teams eliminated from post-season play are UNC, NCSU, Notre Dame, of course, Duke …. and the Royals.  If you showed me rosters of the Rockies, the Avalanche and the cast of Grey’s Anatomy I’m not sure I would know which is which.  Isn’t McDreamy a designated hitter?

Speaking of baseball, there is a GREAT story in last week’s SI about the minor league coach that was killed by the line drive foul ball this past July.  It’s a Bull Durham story with a very sad ending.

Could we see another looooong-shot World Champion this year like the Marlins of a few years ago?  Josh Beckett pitching a 6-game clincher in Yankee Stadium before he could shave.  Josh was so young at the time they had to pour Ovaltine on him rather than champagne.

Playoff baseball can be great fun to watch UNLESS it’s played “on a frozen tundra”.  I HATE watching football played over a baseball infield …. And baseball played in really cold weather.

I’d like to see the Phillies play the Indians and watch Chase Utley and Grady Sizemore.


   The International Internet Legends Society requires all of us members to conduct an annual “flushing of our pipes”.  Otherwise grungy constipated readers can build up and become temporary pains in the butt.  Today seems like a good day to do that.  It will just take a minute or so then we will resume our normal irreverent commenting. 

   Columnists and Radio Talkers are a strange lot.  No college offers majors in what we do.  Not even Phoenix University or Devry Institute.  Wanna be a sword swallower or  JoJo The Dog-faced Boy or an irreverent columnist. Then say good-by to polite society.  Tell yo mamma you are playing the piano in a whorehouse so she can still brag about you at her bridge club.

We are not the ideal guest at a cocktail party or backyard bbq.  We tend to be surly and often downright scary and we double dip.  The line between columnist/talk show guy and serial killer is gossamer thin.

The good news is that if we “like you” we can be more loyal than a golden lab named Trevor.  Of course if we don’t like you …. does the name Cujo ring a bell.

This website has picked up over 100 new subscribers just in the past month (and lost 7 …. Net gain = over 100!) ….  Eight years of this has taught me that some of the newbees (like alligator hatchlings) will not survive.  They loved X column but didn’t understand Y column and then Z column was a spoonful of thumbtacks …. ptui.  Alas, there are many many definitions of X columns and Zs.  One reader’s X is another reader Z …. Uh oh.

I really do not go out of my way to be “Offensive”.  I DO go out of my way to be “Irreverent”!  Like “lynching and hanging” there IS a difference.  That means I put on hob-nailed jackboots and stomp thru a room full of bare-footed folks …. in the dark.  When I stomp someone ELSE’s tootsie you chortle and snort Dr Pepper all over your monitor. …. Sometimes I stomp a toe by mistake or even stub my own toe.  It is a hazardous occupation.  

If you wanna make friends, be a philantropist.  If you wanna make cakes, be a baker.  If you wanna make some quite creepy enemies do “this” for eight years. ….. Of course, if you wanna meet 1000s of incredibly cool people on the Internet, do “this” too ….. OR look like Nigella Lawson and lick something.

I divide the human race into three categories …. (1) Folks with no sense of humor whatsoever whether it be for me, Jack Benny, Larry The Cable Guy, or Soupy Sales.  The hard-core concrete colon crowd. ….. (2) Folks who can laugh all day at OTHER PEOPLE’s foibles …. But not their own. ….. (3) Folks who can laugh at “the face in the mirror” AND their neighbor.   Category Three humans stick around here the longest.  Have I told you Category Threes lately how much I luv you guys and gals.

I always tell the story of speaking at a Carolina Club where they guffawed and guffawed over zingers about Amato and Coach K …. But when I did a teeny weeny “Carolina fans can be just a tad pompous” joke they sent a fella to “get a rope”.  I’ve never accepted another invite to do a partisan fan organization.

Like Thai cooking and Italian sports cars, this website was never intended to be for everyone.  Some people simply do not belong here.  If you are offended by what you read here go with your bile flow and UNSUBSCRIBE.

This website has absolutely nothing on it except my opinions on whatever interests me.  Unlike the N&O folks, I can’t ambush you on your way to find Beetle Bailey or the obits.  Here it is One Pony named BobLee and he knows One Trick – Irreverent Commentary.  If it’s not your cuppa tea GO AWAY. You can unsubscribe yourself or e-mail me and I’ll have a cyber assassin do it for you.

   Thank you …. we return you now to the normal foolishness.


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