Cowboy Up(set)

September13/ 2007

Surely you’ve seen it.  This week’s national YouTube passaround …. OklaState FB Coach Mike Gundy going KABOOM nutzo at a reporter-ette over an article about one of his players.   Boy, are ya’ll lucky cause BobLee has back channel ground zero info on this brouhaha that will hit VERY close to home.   BREAKING NEWS = Chancellor Meez Is Retiring!

Are we as a planet now into a weekly YouTube cycle?  Now its weekly, no doubt it will soon be daily, hourly …. of outrageous videos of human hilarity.  Just in the past three weeks a South Carolina Miss Teen twinky gets her Andy Warhol moment …. regionally there is/was “theeyecreature” …. and now it’s Oklahoma State Football coach Mike Gundy’s tirade against a Daily Oklahoman reporterette. 

   (We’ll do more on The Retirement of UNC Chancellor “The Meez” in a later column …)

As usual there are some obvious socio-cultural issues that jump out for first gnaw.  Then as we chew it a bit, we start getting various other tastes emerging.  As it slides down the public epiglottis there are tertiary issues seeping out.   OR …. of course we can just say “it’s a freakin’ football coach versus a freakin’ sportswriter”…. Yawn!  Stick’em both in the wood chipper …. another round of nachos please.

OK …. How many of you’ans, when you saw this video, immediately said “BobLee is gonna have some insider source on this.  I’d best reserve my opinion until we get ‘the rest of the story’ from Ol’ BL.  He’ll scoop ESPN cause “he’s our BobLee”.  Yep ….

First …. How many of you can find Oklahoma on a map?  What’s your general opinion of the state and its people?  How big is Oklahoma City?  Who is Boone Pickens?  What is Tulsa Time?  Does waving wheat really smell sweet?  Why is the “Franklin Street” of Stillwater known as “The Trail of Tears”? ….. chicks and ducks and geese betta scurry …. as we visit the stereotypically paranoid world of OSU vs OU vs Daily Oklahoman vs Switzer vs Les Miles vs Barry Sanders vs Marcus Dupree vs aggies vs frat boys ….. with the fringe on top.

Rather than do a full documentary on what life is like for rival sports fans in the state of Oklahoma lets just do this ….. consider the daily situation here in Piedmont North Carolina.  Got that?  OK, now substitute an NC for Okla and Oklahoma State becomes NC State and Univ of Oklahoma becomes Univ of North Carolina.  Land grant ag-engineering school versus Liberal Arts lawyers/doctors …. Yee Haa …. here we go!

ALL OklaState fans, players, alums, partisans are A BUNCHA “aggies, rubes, hicks, farmers, stoopid no-count inbreds who have sex with farm animals”.  

ALL OU players, fans, …… partisans are A BUNCHA elitists snobs, homos, crooked lawyers, lying politicians, wuzzy frat boys and JOURNALISTS who control the media.

Players at either school are nothing but a buncha thugs and hoodlums and always have been.  (NOTE:  That last info comes from a source in Austin TX who claims the Austin police force is picking on Mack’s choirboys!) ….. Sound familiar ???  Yes, rival lunatic fringe fan loonies even in Oklahoma keep up-to-date bad boyz arrest records on rival programs which are amazingly equal (just like our local loonies do …)

The Daily Oklahoman is “The N&O” for both Stillwater and Norman.  Stillwater is about an hour from Okla City.  Norman is to OklaCity as Chapel Hill is to Raleigh.  The Daily Oklahoman is THE primary print media for most of the state.  Mike Gundy’s least favorite reporterette writes for the Daily Oklahoman.

Oops, must I remind you that “the Daily Oklahoman is controlled by ‘those horrid evil folks from Norman’ and is, TA DAA, out to get the poor widdle oil bazillionaires and assorted in-breds who support the Oklahoma State Cowboys. ….. according to most anyone in Stillwater.

Just because the OU football stadium …. the OU Journalism School …. and The Daily Oklahoman are all named after/owned by the Gaylord Family.  Geezzz OSU folks …. ever heard of coincidence?

So the much-maligned Cowpoke faithful get treated like Timothy McVeigh’s orange-headed stepchild by the local fishwrapper.  The she-hack reporterette was EVIL before she typed the first word.

Oklahoma State even has its own Wendell Murphy in Boone Pickens.  Boone is vintage Bazillionaire Booster.  He has given OSU even more $$$ than Chinese con men have given Hillary.  Lots more.  Pretty much everything in Stillwater is named for Boone except stuff named for Garth Brooks, Will Rogers, or Hank Iba.

Unlike the paragons of virtue in Norman (can you say Switzer, Fairbanks, Tubbs, Sampson, Rhett Bomar and AK-47s on the roof?), the much maligned cowpokes in Stillwater live off of importing assorted miscreants (can you say JamesOn Curry and Andarius Bowman) and serve as a career pit stop for ambitious coaches waiting for their brass ring …. Can you say Les Miles, Jimmy Johnson, et al.  Or aging alcoholics (Eddie Sutton) on “last call”.

If you don’t think I’m painting a true picture just ask Butch and Blake. They grew up smack in the middle of this intra-state food fight.

So Mike Gundy replaced Les Miles when Les adiosed to Baton Rouge when Nick adiosed to Miami.  Mike played at OSU and is hard-wired into the “us vs them” paranoid culture of the region.  Mike is young and handsome in a bull-rider Wrangler jeans model sorta way.  He is considered “a good guy” even by Sooner loonies mainly because his record is a mediocre 13-15 with seven of those Ws coming from Div 2 whozits.  …. using the Sendek / O’Cain model …. the key to not being hated by your rivals’ fans is to be mediocre.  That doesn’t help you with your own fans but what the heck.

Oh, just last week Coach Gundy’s boys got snot-bubbled by Troy …. while Coach Stoops Sooners crushed Tulsa (think Wake Forest in the regional comparison) on national TV.  Cowpoke paranoia had to be in full stampede mode.

Several years ago Mike recruited a phenom multi-starred QB named Bobby Reid.  Bobby was gonna be the Messiah to lead Gundy’s Cowpokes to BCS glory and total domination of those evil, media-controlling Sooner snobs in Norman.  Alas and alack it ain’t happened quite that way.  Bobby, who was the subject of the cheesy reporterette’s hatchet job, has never lived up to his messianic hype.

Boise State notwithstanding, Bob Stoops is still The Man and his 3rd-ranked Sooners are on their annual collision course with their REAL RIVALS south of The Red River …. Mack “Lied to Dem Boys” Brown and his orange jumpsuited chain gang of Longhorn miscreants. ….. have ya noticed that there seems to be a whole lot of miscreants playing football in that part of the NCAA world?

Am I the only guy who thinks Bob Stoops is a dead ringer for PGAer Peter Jacobsen?

Now about “Lois Lane” (aka Jenni Carlson, the hatchet-weilding reporterette).  No Pulitzers for this quite modest talent.  She is naught but another hack w/ a laptop.  There was no need to rip the OSU kid who, while unimpressive in his OSU on-field career, is by all accounts a quite decent kid.  Her article went needlessly into issues about his family and his personality that most professionals would have left alone.  Jenni Carlson was a well-deserved nobody until Mike Gundy went ballistic on her.  Now she is a notorious celebrity in our quite mad sports culture.

There are a few “writers” in the Triangle market that will stoop to the same low levels to savage a player or coach at a rival school (or cheapshot rich “white folks”).  That style of gotcha-journalism appeals to the Joe Dirt faction of the rival school.  ANYTHING of a salacious nature written about a Duke basketballer or a State player gets high praise along “beautiful Franklin Street”.  Likewise, insulting insinuations about Carolina players/coaches sends Wuff Wackies into orgasmic convulsions.   Truth be damned …. Scandalous crap sells papers and gets Internet views.    

Jenni Carlson is whining that Mike Gundy attacked her “credibility”.  Like attacking Paris Hilton’s virtue! Yeah, right! Sweetheart, you were a no-talent she-hack until last Saturday.  By next week you’ll be a no-talent she-hack again.  Do your interview with Jim Rome this week then go back to getting your kicks oggling nekkid guys in the locker room.

Coach Gundy …. Yo Mike, you had just won a thrilla against Texas Tech.  You spoiled that with your tirade.  Jenni’s crap article merited a 30-second insulting reference …. Not a seven minute harangue.  You made your point in the first 30-second then watching to see your head explode became the issue.  Up your retallin dosage and concentrate on beating Stoops in November.


    A thought on Triangle Grid Malaise 2007 …. As disconcerting as the area college football season has turned out …. Imagine how much more upsetting it would be if either Butch or TO’B had sprinted out of the starting gate while the other stumbled?  There is a cruel irony that neither fan base can get any traction these days by dissing the other.

If Ryan Houston breaks free for a 5-yard gain against VT, look for Heel Loons to declare him The Next Natrone.

Memo To Lee Fowler …. Have more water on hand for hot noon kickoffs.  Mad fans are bad enough …. Mad thirsty fans are really pains in the ass. ….

  Apparently we have a large contingent of Marcel Ledbetter’s cuzzins and fans around here.  Jerry Clower paid a lot of bills courtesy of The Ledbetter Family and their chain saws and coon hunting.

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