Rimshots 10/26/05

October26/ 2005

 I have a pretty vivid imagination.  If I HAD to, I could manufacture some pretty wild satirical stuff here.  That day may never come if recent “they saids” are any indication.  BobLee just tells you what “they” are saying –  (1) Black guys “run really fast” .… (2) Women BBers are lesbians, and …. (3) The City of Chapel Hill now OFFICIALLY Hates President Bush … STOP THE PRESSES!

Today’s Cast of Characters

Fisher DeBerry

Sheryl Swoopes

Chapel Hill Town Council

JJ Reddick

… and others

Back in the 80s when Mack Brown was being interviewed for the UNC job (before “he lied to da boys!”), another fellow was under consideration … Fisher DeBerry from The Air Force Academy.  Coach DeBerry has done a fine job at AFA under the restrictions inherent at such deberryinstitutions.  That Fisher has chosen to stay at AFA attests to the concepts he values in college football as well as his coaching ability to maximize the talent on-hand to compete in Division 1-A.

An admitted “Christian” (uh oh!), DeBerry created some commotion a year or so back by putting up a poster in the AFA lockerroom including “the J word”.  YIKES … tax dollars going to a service academy where people openly talk about Jesus Hisownself.  Suppose the AFA team had an Islamic nose tackle or a Wicken wide receiver?  They might be offended.  Fisher had to take down the possibly offensive placard.  Well … Fisher has really ratcheted up his “piss off the easily pissed off” campaign NOW.

Fisher announced on Monday that “black players can run really fast” … and he thinks he could improve his team with more of those “really fast black players”.  The last white running back to make All-American was Penn State’s John Cappelleti in 1973.  32 years ago … Fisher just might be on to something.  Actually Coach, all the “slow ones” get eaten by the lions and tigers; or are “doing 8-10 for b&e” at a local gray bar Hilton.  Hey, a carnivore has gotta eat like everyone else. … and all this the same week Rosa Parks dies – how do you spell “ironic”?

   In a seedy transient hotel in Fresno a man known as “didn’t you used to be Jimmy The Greek” is getting all kinds of calls from reporters on deadline.  Only because Al Campanis is dead. 

   “Ol Sharpie” and “JJ The National Negro” hisownself gotta be booking flights to Colorado Springs … you just know they are.

I’m sitting here thinking how well Coach DeBerry would have fit in on Franklin Street.  A “devout Christian” is scary enuff … thinking (and saying) “black players run really fast” would be a bonus.  Just tell me his hobby is studying Robert E. Lee and he likes NASCAR.

It gets better …


Failing to frighten Prince Tassel Loafer or Meezie into cancelling the F-15 flyover … the Chapel Hill – Carrboro Town Council (otherwise known as The Gay-Lesbian-Bi-Tri-Trans-Undecided-Anything BUT Hetero He/She Bush-haters Club) self-righteously indignantly issued a municipal proclamation this week saying “we hate President Bush sooooo much we just might bust”.  They claim to be the first municipality to so “officially decree” their hatred of an American President.

The “War in Iraq” is why there are so few parking spaces on Franklin Street and why “Jeff’s Porno Emporium & Soda Fountain” had to close!  Who knew!

 They are also the first group of very mad liberal loons that FAILED to frighten Dickie and Meezie.  That’s a for sure resume killer.

Kudos to the disbelieving Chapel Hill resident who, hearing this bizarre news, rolled her eyes and noted “just some very little people in a very little town”. TRUE STORY!


 Sheryl Swoopes … arguably the best player ever in the WNBA … has just publicly announced that, like her NBA cohorts, she prefers sex with women instead of men too.  She did not say if she requires a dress code for the women she prefers to have sex with … the only closet she mentioned was the one she came out of.

If anyone has ever seen a fan cam of the several 100 fans at a WNBA game, you may not be shocked with this revelation.  Picture Lelith Faire with Ellen Degeneres interviewing Martina Navratilova.  Instead of The National Anthem, Melissa Ethridge sings Helen Reddy’s “I Am Woman, Hear Me Roar”.  The only way a man can get into a WNBA game is by wearing a dog collar and nipple clips — rough crowd!


BobLee was with Mick Mixon on Tuesday night at a Panther soiree.  We agreed that Rick Steinbacher “came of age” on Saturday by immediately linking Mike Mason’s muff with Leon Lett’s infamous “oops”.  Steiny is doing a fine job … and Mick is doing well with the Panthers.  Win – Win … “good guys” doing good = a “good thing”. 


 It will likely be over before you even read this but the Houston Astros are the first team in the Fall Classic in 30+ years to be sans African Americans.  There ain’t nary a one “black guy” (“really fast” or otherwise) on the ‘Stros.  You probably thought Dominican Republicans or various “island peoples” counted … nope … gotta be “pure breeds” to count.  A for real furor has brewed over this – DUH!

How long has it been since a “blue-eyed boy from the ‘burbs” has suited up in an NBA Finals?  Larry Bird and John Stockton retired when?


Speakin’ of white boys playing basketball … they don’t get any whiter than J.J. Reddick.  Do you recall JJ’s classic quote in SI – “I’m the most hated Duke basketballer EVER”.  To which Coach K replied “You MIGHT be 4th … but the first 3 are named Christian Laettner.”  JJ has annoited freshman QB/Point Guard Greg Paulos as “the next most hated Duke basketballer”.  Silly JJ … the annointing of “most hated Dookie” is left to Tar Heel message board rabble.


 Former NCSU QB, Charles Davenport, was quoted in the Fayetteville Observer last Friday that “if Dick Sheridan had the on-field talent that Amato has, he would win a national championship.”  If that doesn’t “flatline” Wolfpack Football nothing will.  Once former players add their $.02 to the “hang the sorry no-count sumbitch” chant, it’s getting close to “pass the hat for a buy-out” time.


 BobLee has been invited to this week’s Southern Miss game BY THE DAD OF A CURRENT WOLFPACK PLAYER no less.  That ought to drive the goofy galoots on packpride.com to a new depth of insanity.  I am thinking of putting on a pair of Oakleys, red shoes, and goofy bucket hat and walking thru F-Bomb Alley squeaking “I’m The Man, You People! Let’s play our fannies off.”  As before, Lee Fowler and his family are welcome to join me.


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