“If Freddie had married you …”

July15/ 2000

I noted recently that Missus (aka Blondie) won our intra-family Weird Reunion Guy Award.  Jack / Jacki The Cross-dresser trumped my Norris The Crazy Guy.  Jack(i) is not a transy – he “just” likes to wear women’s clothes, make-up, etc. – “just” ?!!   We didn’t have us one of those.   Then Freddie’s sister walked up and said …..

Blondie also took the “Said What” Trophy.  The sister of one of her old boyfriends (one of …??) came up to her and said:

“If Freddie had married you ….,
he probably wouldn’t have gone to prison.” 

There are lots of interesting comments made at reunions.  That one will hold its own with the best of’em.

“Freddie” scammed some folks back in the 80s to pay off his gambling debts.  He went away for 3 to 5 and is now Asst Mgr of 2x4s with a Lowes in Joplin.

Blondie (Missus) and I believe in separate bathrooms and separate reunions.  We’re into Year 26 so something is working.  Ergo, I, with my rapier wit, was not at her side when handed the “…… wouldn’t have gone to prison” line.  Blondie smiled and thought “If BobLee was here, he would know what to say.”  The correct reply would have been “but I would have ….. for shooting the no-account SOB!”

A Reunion observation ….. for those of you who serve on reunion planning committees.  God gives extra credit to anyone who serves on ANY TYPE of committee.  I don’t, but I’m glad we have people who do committees.

In planning a reunion ….. order a Jack / Jacki even if you rent one.   I

Have a Really Weird Guy even if you rent one.

asked Blondie about the band they had.  “what band”?   I asked her about the buffet, bar set-up, etc.  “what buffet, bar ….?  What did everyone talk about? …… “Jack / Jacki”   Have a genuine Really Weird Guy (or Gal) and no one notices anything else.  Blondie had a blast.

She made the astute observation that “people who look really bad don’t go to reunions.”  She musta read that somewhere.  It’s a “water is wet” observation.

Hers was a Decade of the 60s gathering in her hometown of 45,000.  She has made the observation several times on visits back home over the years that her home town had become “a sanctuary city for the morbidly obese”.  Apparently none of them attended Cape High in the 60s.

Having pleasant memories of one’s home town is, I believe, a strong foundation for the stormy seas that await us as “things get complicated when you get passed 18“  Kid has that going for her.  I told Kid that our mayor recently said “Raleigh has too many people not from around here”.  She reminded me “Dad, you said he was an insufferable left-wing nut years ago.” 


On a related note – I recently deleted a “skinny jeans” guy.  That’s a term I made up.   You know how you keep “skinny jeans” that you can’t wear any more but you foolishly think someday you will incorporate into your life again.  So they take up space in your closet but never serve a useful purpose.  You should pitch them but the symbolism of giving up on utilizing them again is more than you can handle.  Some people can be like skinny jeans.

I had a skinny jeans guy in my life.  Known him for years.  He is eccentric by any measurement.  He would be eccentric in the Star Wars Cantina or on a county fair midway.  It was his overt weirdness that made him interesting….. for a while.   We have absolutely nothing in common except that we had known each other for many years.

Each occasion with him was divided into three phases.  (1) Recalling the last several times (increasingly less pleasant each time) ….. (2) Enduring (tolerating) the current shared moments ….. (3) Berating myself in the aftermath for such a total waste of time AGAIN.

Some of it (OK, a lot of it) is “political”.  This guy isn’t just a liberal.  He is THE World’s Smartest Liberal.  Yes, I know, they all think they are.   We had a ritual – meet for lunch – I request “no politics” – He agrees.  Our record is three minutes before he would go into full esoteric effluent.  We did not argue.  His wacked opinions meant nothing to me.  I simply didn’t care what he thought about anything.  I would just silently berate myself for burning another 90 minutes of wick on my Life Candle.

Returning from the latest root canal lunch, I told Blondie.  She had made us stop going to his annual holiday party four years ago.  My retort was always “but we go back a long ways”.   Shrugging, she muttered  “He’s a jackass, but you know that”.

I told Kid I was deleting skinny jeans guy from my contact list.  Her reply – Dad, you said he was an insufferable left-wing nut years ago.

I said …. that’s what you said about the mayor.

No Dad, that’s what YOU said about the mayor AND the skinny jeans guy.  I’m just reminding you. Plus, mom and I both told you several times that skinny jeans guy was waaaay too scary weird.

but we go back a long ways.…. GOING – going – gone!

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