The Pure Joy of Jettisoning and ….

June15/ 2000

Do you have a “go to activity” that simply makes you feel better – walking, gardening, reading?  For me it’s jettisoning clutter.  In this Non-Accumulate Phase of my life journey, I’m attacking the problem from the other end – “jettisoning stuff”.   O’ Joy, O’ Rapture ….. And some random comments on upcoming BIG DEALS !

BIG DEALS THIS WEEK :  The season premieres of Royal Pains and Burn Notice start Thursday.  Set your DVRs RIGHT NOW! – Record Series / New Episodes. 

My dear friend Charlie says my comment about “your funeral & the weather” is a sliced-bread comment …… as in greatest thing since.   I’m not sure if I made that one up or stole it; but I KNOW my line about attics is pure 100% BobLee.

“The Greatest Legacy you can leave your children is
– An Empty Attic !”

Everyone who has had to “take care of the homeplace” upon the passing of the last remaining parent understands.  Those who have yet to “enjoy” that baby boomer rite of passage think “the grandchildren might want all that junk someday”.  No, they won’t.  No one will say so because it might hurt Grandma’s feelings.

Give each grandchild – One of granny’s Christmas tree ornaments and a piece of her silver service.  Throw the rest on e-bay and divy up the $$$.  If one of the grandsons’ is Grandpa’s namesake, that kid gets his old pocket watch.

Every Grandma is a “hoarder”.   She knew it was junk but knew it would be YOUR problem, not hers.  If you already resent your off-spring or expect to resent them at some point in the future ….. continue to accumulate crap in your attic and “that catch-all closet” (you know the one!).  Grandma’s excuse was “I grew up in the Great Depression when times were tough”.   We grew up with Elvis, Bonanza and flav-o-straws.

Nothing kills the polite convivial buzz of a post-funeral family gathering quite like THE question – “Now, what the hell are we going to do with all this crap?”

If you are an only-child the pronoun is “I” rather than “we”.  If you have siblings ….. The Rule is:  Whoever asks THE question becomes the “I will” to solve the problem.   Anything put off for thirty years can, of course, be put off a few more weeks.  The Moment of Truth comes when the house is listed for sale.  Your real estate diva taps her red-lacquered nail on her brite-white dental implant and announces “no one’s going to buy this house until you ‘do something’ about all that crap in the attic and in ‘that closet’.  GULP!  That cackling sound in the background is Grandma laughing from wherever she ended up …..

With the above in mind, I tore into my inner sanctum this past Memorial Day Weekend.  An F-150 load of jettisoned junk was my way of honoring those who stood in Harm’s Way so I could accumulate. You ate a brat – I threw out crap.

Did I really need 13 screwdrivers?  Three of which are the adjustable types with multiple heads.  I consolidated four boxes of assorted screws and nails into one box.  My DIY duties these days have been reduced to picture hanging.  I don’t even build bookshelves any more.  I do occasionally make a random hole in the wall just to hear Missus lament …… “Oh GREAT, another %$#@ hole-in-the-wall!”

A drawer-full of service contracts for long discarded cell phones …. Old PC manuals before I “went Mac” …… ANYTHING of a tech/computer nature that is more than six months old is out-dated.  Goodwill won’t even take it.  …..

BUT ….. an undeposited check for a LOT of $$$ should be kept until the bank opens the next day and immediately deposited.

…. known by de-clutterers as “a collateral windfall”

Yep, I found one of those!  Among hard-core de-clutterers that is known as a collateral windfall ….. of the pleasant variety.

NEVER NEVER stop in the middle of De-crappitizing a room to run to Target or Lowes to buy a storage system.   Garbage bags and pick-up trucks = nature‘s best storage systems.  Storage systems require some assembly and before you know it, you’ve got a 15th screwdriver.  That cackling sound in the background is Grandma still laughing from wherever …..

Guess what?  Get rid of enough crap and you can eventually get rid of whatever you were storing that crap in.  The thrill of carting off “an entire crap storage unit” results in a phenomenon called Open Floor Space and/or Empty Drawers.  WHOA NELLIE!

I’m a books and pictures freak.  A solid wall of books makes me feel erudite especially if I’ve read most of’em.  Pictures of loved ones make me feel warm & fuzzy. They also cover up many of the afore-mentioned $%@$  holes-in-the-walls.

What to do with “all the crap”?  Taking it to Goodwill is a nice humanitarian gesture so long as you don’t visit their thrift store while there and buy more crap.   “Used crap” is still crap.  Taking it to a landfill is an option for the uber-industrious.  Option Three involves a secluded commercial dumpster behind a nearby strip mall or office park.  Cover the license plate on your truck, wear a ski-mask and pretend you are a “commando”. ……. and, I chose Option # _____

I’m BobLee – a recently de-crapped former pack rat.  I’ve gone three days without accumulating more crap.  If I can do it, so can you.

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