Ol’ Roy, Old Sheets & MORE Soccer !!

June15/ 2000

 There one less cantakerous coot in The District; allowing us to connect Sen. Byrd’s demise to World Cup Soccer in an awesome segueway. …… On UNC’s South Campus, Roy & The Wears are in a Mexican Stand-off.  …… Missus (and Cape Central High) wins our family’s Weirdest Reunion Guy Award with Jackee .… oh, Good Lord!

Q:  BobLee, can you say Mexican Stand-off?
A:  “Can” I say Mexican Stand-off?  Do you mean is it proper in our upside down world where lunacy is the order of the day?  I can say “Chinese Fire Drill” and “French Tickler”.  Why not Mexican Stand-off?

In this case, we are referring to the recent quote from our favorite “what has he said NOW?” coach – Ol’ Roy.  In a article last week ORW volunteered that he has not spoken to “the Wear Twins” since Daddy Wear called and said “Pete & RePete ain’t coming back.”  Even that may have been via a voice mail or text message, who knows.

Among Roy’s endearing qualities is his innate ability to do / not do whatever most folks would not do / do.  I find that funny as heck.

Supposedly the Wears’ Great Escape from Chapel Hill came as a total surprise to Roy.  Roy had conducted his usual end of school year “You OK? What are 

“U R Happy. Right? …. Use sunscreen.”

your plans for the summer?  Use sunscreen.” chat with each Wear.  They headed west on I-40 and then Daddy Wear announces “my boys ain’t coming back” ….. and that’s it.  End of The Saga of The Wear Twins.  ??

Roy has two more rings and 500+ more BB Ws than I do.  What do I know? ….. but you’d think he would want to learn what ever he misread about their happiness (or lack of) as Tar Heels.  Not to yell at them or change their minds but just to put some closure to the thing.  Oh well, that’s our boy Roy.   Bless his heart.


Robert “Sheets” Byrd finally bought the farm at 92.  In Sheets’ case he no doubt appropriated substantial federal tax dollars to buy that farm.  Sheets was known as the Pork Barrel King in a Congress where competition for that title can get fierce.

Whenever a prominent politician (of either aisle side) dies, two counter-balancing actions immediately commence.

(1) Those on the side of the dead guy will eulogize the bejeebers out of him.  They will pile it up higher than Oprah going thru a Golden Corral baked potato buffet. They use special consultants to create new superlatives describing whatshisname’s incredible accomplishments.  “Sticking to reality” is not in the instructions to the superlative consultants. …… meanwhile

(2) Over on the other side it is revealed that the scoundrel being deified left seven mistresses, 24 illegitimate children and 19 years of unfiled taxes.  Then there was that pedophile charge back in ’76 and his longtime personal aide – Reynaldo – who inherits the beach house on Fire Island.

Don’t get too rankled about Sheets’ demise and the massive over-kill certain to commence any minute.  It is a virtual certainty that Bozo Joe Biden will get a live mic at some point in the weeklong proceedings.  Neither Joe nor I have any clue what Joe might say but it will be “typical Joe” if we are lucky.


While all The Byrds, The Hatfields, McCoys and Bob Huggins watch The Sheets’ Byrd Memorial Marathon, I might try to watch some more World Cup Soccer.

No No BobLee ….. not more Soccer comments.  ENOUGH ALREADY!

Hey, don’t you yahoos realize Soccer is the Greatest Sport in the history of Earth!  If us pig-headed Americans weren’t so pig-headed we could use soccer-diplomacy to patch up strained relations with Iran, Iraq, Afghanistan, Cuba, Russia …. and Uruguay.

Uruguay ??  Is that a country, a planet or a type of lettuce?  I feel like that dimwit in Milwaukee (yes, a Democrat – dimwit was the tip-off) who wasn’t aware that Arizona bordered Mexico.  She was a county commissioner.  Yee Ha.

Uruguay is an island off the coast of Atlantis.

You are reading tons about America going ga-ga over Soccer.  Like America was ga-ga over Obama in Grant Park.  Those assigned to measure America’s ga-ga factor usually poll three co-workers in adjoining cubicles then file their story.  If YOU are not ga-ga over Soccer, you are not alone.

That said ….. the difference in this year’s World Cup and previous World Cups is – the proliferation of HDTVs across all income levels.  Pretty much everyone has an HDTV now.  They may be six-months behind in their mortgage and eating belly-button lint, but they have a big ol’ HDTV.  Maybe not those plush captain’s chairs with the built-in cup holders or a theater-style popcorn machine.  But an HDTV.  Soccer on HDTV is very easy to watch.

Anything with Heather Locklear, Valerie Bertinelli, Tiffany Thiessen or that Hispanic girl on Lie To Me on HDTV are also easy to watch.  Talk about ga-ga!

Soccer may be THE PERFECT SPORT for HIGH DEF.  Big expansive verdant background with normal-sized guys in shorts and colorful t-shirts running around chasing a ball big enough to actually see.

NOTE:  A slab of frozen rubber the size of an Eskimo pie is NOT easy to see on HDTV, neither are Lacrosse balls.  Golf balls ARE, oddly enough.

There are very few visible tattoos on the soccer guys regardless of nationality?  I like that.

Soccer players seem likable.  No doubt they date skanky supermodels and do the dumb immature things all over-paid jocks do.  I don’t read Ghana soccer fan forums so I don’t know.

Landon Donovan will get a Wheaties box but by October you’ll be asking “was he the guy that rides the bicycle …. or the one on Survivor Slovenia?”

The game lasting as long as the referee says it does is kind of cool.  The player dogpile when the one goal is scored seems a tad overdone.  The dumb horns will certainly show up at a few ACC FB venues this Fall.  If ADs aren’t ready for them.  They should be.

Rugby, Cricket and Polo would be cool to watch on HDTV too.  Will America go ga-ga over Cricket.  Does Tiffany Thiessen plays polo.


It’s been three days.  NCSU’s new AD Madame Yow has NOT been hung in effigy ….. yet.  Except by John Feinstein who is BFF with Sweaty Gary and doesn’t count.

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