and State fans said Jed move away from here”

May15/ 2000

:“….and the State folks said Jed move away from here” ….. they said any where but Rawlee is where you ought be ….. so Lee closed up the Lake house and his job is his-toreee.” ….. well, not quite.  LOTS of buzz from Rawlee regarding terminally embattled AD Lee “Uncle Jed” Fowler.  In a survival race between Lee Fowler and Big East Teams in The Final Four – Fowler was declared the winner at midnight Saturday.   A death watch clock has been set up outside the Everett Case Center for the latest much-maligned NCSU Athletics Director.  ….. Meanwhile on picturesque Franklin Street ….. 

As you “might” be aware ….. Tar Heel celebrants took Ol’ Roy’s suggestion t“enjoy the dickens out of the Villanova win” and, Saturday night, set about the ritual destruction of public and private property along picturesque Franklin Street.  Anything not consumed by flames Saturday awaits heavier duty destruction Monday night.  Cylinder #5 in Roy’s Roulette Revolver came up a winner …. leaving but one Izzonian obstacle in Manifest Destiny’s path.

   Monday Night in MoTown 
Magic’s Boys VS Michael’s Boys 
OH BOY !!!

   During a ten minute stretch of the second half, Roys Boyz conducted a tribute to Shammond Williams ….. laying enuff bricks to repave Y-Court.  Fortunately Villanova was also honoring Shammond at the same time.

Holden “Doogie” Thorp took over as UNC Chancy in July.  Since then – Butch goes bowling ….. Anson wins another one ….. Men’s Soccer finishes #2 ….. and ORW gets to The Big One.  Other than that, not much …..

Triangle-area merchants brace for epidemic of Tar Heel Bandwagonitis.  CDC in Atlanta says #1 symptom is price tag still dangling from freshly purchased merchandise.  Also ….. spelling “Tarheels” as one word and Hansbrough w/ an extra “o”.  If you encounter a victim ONLY ask trivia questions for which the correct answer is Michael Jordan, Dean Smith or “because Woody said ...”.

Should our favorite Huckleberry come up a croppin’ on Monday, then (to quote Kenan Stadium’s legendary sideline reporter Lee Pace) “the underbelly of Tar Heel Nation will come out to play”.   The non-lobotomized among us will join the 18,000 residents of Poplar Bluff MO cheering the Boyz In Blue towards their possible Bright Shining Moment.  …… Gus and Woodrow agree “it’s been a helluva party so far”!


Meanwhile 25 miles to the east, twixt Hillsborough St & Western Blvd in West Rawlee a more sober ritual begins…..

The job of Athletics Director at NC State comes with a blindfold, a cigarette and a last meal menu.  The truly insane faction of WuffNation is kept chained up deep in the bowels of William Neal Reynolds Coliseum listening to a continuous loop of Wally Ausley screaming THE GLASS SLIPPER FITS ….” from Albuquerque.  They run around in the dank confines of the venerable arena “looking for someone to hug”.   Not finding “someone to hug” they get feisty and demand the severed head and vital organs of whoever is the AD de jour.

They actually have laminated signs in the NC State Student Store that say “Fire Whoever Our AD is these days. He is an Idiot.’   They had so many leftover signs demanding Fire Todd Turner that there was pressure to hire “someone named Turner” during the search that yielded Fowler.  It made fiscal sense to use up the surplus signs since every NCSU AD is hired to be fired any way.

You know your days are numbered at NC State when campus pariah Mary “Unique Talent” Easley tries to run you off the Pullen Park Bridge in one of her Rick Henricks’ loaners.  Somewhat related ….. NCSU BOT Buffoon “Howdy Doody” Campbell told Mary to tell hubby Mike the AD job is his if he wants it.

Meanwhile up in Boone ….. likely first target as “the next NC State Administrative Scapegoat”  AppyState’s Charlie Cobb has pulled a Eric Robert  Rudolph …… hiding in the Great Smokies to avoid being found by the NCSU AD search committee.  The affable and quite capable former NCSU gridder and promotions guy knows that Lupine Legacies returning to The Brickyard have a success rate equal to Buffalo in Super Bowls.

Chuck Amato built Wolf Mountain with Wendell’s money and was then thrown under the Wolf Line bus for the heinous crime of running out of Philip Rivers.   Current Wolfpack Red-bleeder Sidney Lowe has been warned not to undertake any household renovations or apply for any loans with more than a one-year payback.

The actual details of the occupational-execution of the lanky mustachioed Fowler have not been finalized.   He could dodge this latest bullet but his chances of ever seeing another game at The Carter or the RBC without buying a ticket are considered as remote as finding a sober virgin on F-Bomb Alley.  Lee Fowler is a quite decent Christian gentleman.  His reluctance to grasp the subtlties of the Lupine Internet fan culture will not preclude his eternal happiness.

Having “one really really good wrestler” has not appeased the pitchfork and torch mob as much as Lee had hoped.  The bass fishing champs didn’t seem to help much either.

The Most Succinct Wolfpack Athletic Firing scenario is currently held by ex-Chancellorette Mary Ann “BCS or Bust” Foxe.   To fire Mike O’Cain, Madame Foxe sent Les Robinson a text message “just do it” then drove down to Pinehurst for lunch.

My personal favorite was the sad saga of nincompoop Chancellor Bruce Poulton in the late 80s.   With administrative allies like Poulton, Messianic Icon Jim Valvano was easy pickins for the journo-vultures of The N&O.

The distinction of being the only Wolfpack AD to actually be hung in effigy at his introductory press conference belongs to Todd Turner.  Raleigh-born Turner was guilty of having the same alma mater as beloved Wolfpack Club major domo – Bobby Purcell, that being “the Flagship” 25 miles west of The Brickyard.  The abject hatred that Wuff Loons had for Todd (and still have to this day) is often cited by UNC’s own embattled AD Dickie Baddour in the context of “I’m pretty sure I am less disliked than Todd was ….”   Which is like being crucified on one of those “other crosses” on Calvary.

For all the sorta kinda semi-legitimate misdemeanors that Lee Fowler has been accused of over seven years, the fatal pin prick may be his curious management of The Kay Yow Line of Succession.   EVERYBODY connected with NC State LOVED the late Kay Yow …… but nobody at NC State cares about Womens Basketball without Coach Yow.  Fowler could have easily promoted Kay’s long time assistant (like EVERYBODY told him to) or even given the job to Dirty Dan Wells’ cuzzin’ Eunice.   Instead he has turned a 10-minute decision into an ordeal as tortuous as an Obama cabinet appointment.

By doing so, Fowler has handed machetes to every drooling leather-lunged whackjob in State’s Peanut Gallery.  For six of the past seven years, Fowler’s popularity with State’s Uber-Loons has ranked just ahead of Claude Sitton and about even with Dudley Bradley.  Even Todd Turner never sank below “The Dudley Bradley Line” according to Wolfpack historian Frank Weedon.

Seven years ….. ADs, and Baptist preachers, both turn sour at about that tenure.

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