.. Of the bazillion ACC Football Predictions only THREE really matter ….. (1) Dave Glenn’s because DG knows his stuff …. (2) Hokie Jim on www.the-a-line.com because he’s my pal and a fellow smart-ass …… and (3) MINE because I don’t know squat BUT I can say it really funny. I base my predictions on stuff other than athleticism, overall team speed and a pooch punter’s toenails.
This weekend I’ll be in Pinehurst with President Logan, Goldberg, a bunch of “aren’t you _____ “ and the rest of the Jimmy V folks. The annual Jimmy V Celebrity Golf Classic has moved from Prestonwood Country Club to Pinehurst “because”. We’ll have a good time. We always do. …. Next weekend I’ll be in Chapel Hill because IT’S FOOTBALL SEASON and “in a stadium watching college football” is where all right-thinking Americans should be.
If Dobie or any of his left-wing lunatics do take over next year, “college football” is right behind “Talk Radio” and “Christianity” on their “shut down in the first week” list. Enjoy it while you can.
I refuse to breakdown my predictions into “Divisions” because I’m still hoping “expansion” is on a trial basis except for VaTech (because I like those guys) ….. except for a few of their former players of course. If I do it by divisions then Little Johnny Swofford will think I’ve capitulated. In your dreams Little Johnny …. In your dreams.
I’m doing this alphabetically by team nicknames because that should really confuse the board monkeys. That’s a vice I allow myself.
Blue Devils …… what does it say when a team’s #1 defensive player commits 27 misdemeanors in a span of ten minutes …. Gets “punished” (wink, nod) by doing 20 push-ups and having to paint Mike Nifong’s toenails …. And nobody on opposing teams gives a flip. Mike Whatzhisnameatupuii will miss Duke’s UConn game !!!! Vegas bookies are beside themselves. Duke might win two games …. But probably won’t.
Nothing will change with Duke Football until they fix the restrooms at Wally Wade. No plans to do that “on the drawing board”. Bring a receipt from Bunny Hole Entertainment and get a free pretzel.
Pete Gaudet won more games as a head coach at Duke than Ted Roof. Ouch!
Cavaliers ….. If The Pale Rider can beat Algroh on Sept 15 (which is VERY possible) then Mount Groh will erupt before Columbus Day. By the time Frank’s Hokies whup The Hoos like rented mules AGAIN Craig Littlepage will be selling shingles from Monticello to buy-out Groh’s lifetime contract. Angry Al will probably have to be restrained at some point around mid-October.
Running Angry Al outta C-ville will get messy. Hokie Jim will enjoy the heck out of every moment of it.
Deacons ….. Gotta Luv’em! Jim The Genius Grobe has more upperclassmen on his roster than most Ivy League teams. PLUS …. Most of’em will actually graduate with degrees that have some practical application in a non-football world. Go Figure! These Deacs are so mature they won’t even need a “Win one for Skip” motto over the locker room door.
It will be “almost impossible” to duplicate last year’s Miracle Season but then again “last year” WAS Impossible. It has to be lots of fun to be a Deacon fan these days.
Eagles …. Is that their name? That team in Boston that nobody in “the real ACC” knows or will ever care much about. Is Flutie their Choo Choo? I hope Steve Logan has a nice time up there. I like him. They will beat TO’B up there in early September this year but probably won’t ever beat him again. I hope not.
Boston College serves only one purpose – to make Maryland seem “relevant” by comparison.
Hokies ….. The best players playing for the best coaching staff in front of the best fans in the ACC. They won’t need to rehash “Krazy Korean Kid” every week to make the BCS. Frank and Bud and his Gang will overcome media overkill about Krazy Korean AND Vick The Felonious Dogfighter and simply WIN …. Except in Baton Rouge.
Other than best players / coaching staff / fans …. Not much else to say about the Hokies except “Clota, save BobLee some gimme eats on the 29th …. Tell Larry, Kevin, The Mad Russian and the rest of the Clubhouse Inmates, I’m acomin’.”
Hurricanes …. Rookie head coaches win a few in spite of themselves and lose a few more because of themselves. Review Burly John’s rookie year. Randy Shannon is a nice guy. Eventually he will do real well probably. This year he will “be better than Larry was” plus he doesn’t look like a basset hound.
Having the only dwarf Chancellor in the NCAA is not a recruiting advantage. I’m figuring Pale Rider wants that one on October 6 really bad …. I’m figuring he’ll get it too.
Last person out of the Orange Bowl hold up one finger like Joe Willie did in ’69.
Seminoles …. How many Prodigal Chuck Returns does Amato have in him? Wonder if he picks up Bobby’s laundry at the same dry cleaners he used to use? Bobby will beat Tommy this year or Tommy’s outta the will for sure. The Criminoles will be “good” but never “good enuff” again. …… NCAA scholly rules, Father Time and Urban’s recruiting blitz have taken their toll in Tally Town.
Chief Noc-A-Homa or whatever the spearchucker’s name is is still a cool mascot and Tally still has the skankiest skanks in the ACC.
Tar Heels …. “Just Butch” is an excellent talent appraiser and recruiter. That bodes real well for “the future” but Kenan Faithful ain’t known for their patience or humility. If Butch gets skunked by Skip on the 8th there’ll be grumblin aplenty amongst the C-Blue Shineys.
Butch’s Boys could win every game on their schedule except VaTech …. Or lose every one including James Madison. Reality says somewhere in between around 5-7, 6-6, 7-5. That’s OK depending upon which 5 are Ws. We all know the “fan ego games”. Hopefully someone has told Butch that not all opponents are viewed equally along “beautiful Franklin Street”.
If Butch wins HIS personal ego game vs Miami, maybe that carries over when Mr. Scoreboard comes acallin’ on Oct 13. Count on Visor Boy to say something that will have Tar Heel heads exploding when he steps outta the Alamo on the 13th.
I got a nasty premonition that TO’B goes one up on The Pale Rider on Nov 10. Everybody does know that Butch is already 0-1 in Carter-Finley …. Don’t you all know that?
Terrapins …. Are they still around? Are Dick Shiner and Randy White still playing? Where is Tom McMillan’s mamma? Is Jabba The Fridge still scowling and eating ball boys for snacks?
Who really cares about Maryland anyway? Let’s play the Redskins instead. They have prettier cheerleaders.
Maryland will probably win 4 or 5 games. Yawn. Nancy No Blink Pelosi has absolutely no idea what a terrapin is.
Tigers …. I sure do love their GameDay atmosphere. It is very cool. Tommy’s Tigers will either start off really strong …. finish really strong …. or be really strong in the middle. Unfortunately they will mail it in the rest of the time as is their custom in the Tommy Era.
Tigers win 6-8 games and play in some Whatzit Bowl. The Tiger fans who hate Tommy will still hate him. Some lunatic from Traveler’s Rest will dress up like Danny Ford and throw himself off Howard’s Rock. That’s only a two foot drop so he will simply roll down the hill and get his picture on the wall at the Esso Club.
Wolfpack ….. TO’B knows how to coach. That’s a concept Wuff faithful haven’t seen since Dick Sheridan mysteriously rode off in the sunset. If TO’B had #17 from Athens Alabama they’d be really good really quickly, but he doesn’t. It will take a year or two.
On August 31, Dave Huxtable will fly into RDU with the Central Florida Golden Knights. That’s about 15 miles from Chapel Hill. I bet he gets cold chills. A Hate Huxtable Club still meets on Thursdays at the BBQ Joint.
Wuff Loonies are hard-wired to stick hot needles in their eyes when their head coach does something incredibly dopey. They will burn their fingers this year. Semper Fi is delightfully boringly efficient. That will eventually really piss off the Wuff bottom-feeders unfamiliar with the concept but really please the for-real-adult Wuff fans.
Semper Fi and Pale Rider cannot BOTH succeed long term. It does not work that way. TO’B is a very good coach and will be very hard to “hate”. That’s not fair.
“Tailgate Tommy” Stafford has absolutely no idea who Tom O’Brien is. Hopefully a red-vested volunteer will tell him at some point.
Yellow Jackets …. If I called them Ramblin’ Wrecks they would be up higher on the list. Every year Chan double checks his parking space to see if his name is still on it. It still is. Every year everyone says JON TENUTA is a genius but Chan still gets paid more.
That mediocre QB and superfreak WR are both gone …. So are Randy Rhino and Bobby Lothridge. The Varsity still is fun on GameDay and Historic Grant Field WAS a fine football place when Eisenhower was President.
GaTech will win 7-9 games and everyone will say “how did they do that?” For the umpteenth year in a row absolutely no one will even consider JON TENUTA for a Head Coach. GaTech is kinda like Maryland except they win more often and their coach is not incredibly fat. Two facts that Tech fans should appreciate.
The Pale Rider is indeed 0-1 in Carter-Finley. How come?
Lots of you’ans say you’re coming by The Shadow Of The Bell Tower to see us on the 1st. (Where you cross Raleigh Road from the Library to the Bell Tower,) You’re all welcome. If you think that includes feeding you …. think again. Go up to Parker’s BBQ in Tar Heel Town and tell’em you’re a BobLee Buddy. They’ll only charge you $8 or whatever. We luv you guys but …..
BobLeeALIVE NEWS: Two upcoming BobLeeALIVE appearances in mid Sept … ONE – Friday, Sept 7 – East Chapel Hill Rotary Club – Sheraton Europa – 12:30. CLUE …. there will be at least two of us there wearing “TASSEL LOAFERS” …. uh oh! ….. TWO – Sunday, Sept 16 – Carolina Brewery in Pittsboro 7 PM ….. this will be BobLee’s only Chatham County appearance in ’07.