The Kenan Kaper

January18/ 2000

… Everybody thought that Magnificent Seven analogy was great, but. …. We’ve got one even better.  The Pale Rider as a “Danny Ocean” bringing together a team of specialists for “A CAPER”. … Think Ocean’s 11 (or 12) or The Italian Job or Topkapi (Melaina Mercouri, the 60s) … Great “Caper Movies”. … Platinum Pals melts our server with an UNBELIEVABLE RESPONSE …. And BobLee goes hunting the “Breck Boy” with a machete and an attitude.

The concept of The Pale Rider as “Chris Adams” (Yul Brynner) recruiting his Magnificent Seven is fine.  Use it. Tell your friends. Whistle the theme song.  Rent the video.  But I think I have one even better.

What Butch Davis is doing w/ Carolina Football is more akin to “a Caper”.  He’s got a complicated plan in mind to pull off something “they say can’t be done”.  Robbing a casino … swiping a Faberge egg … bringing a truckload of Coors from Texarkana to Atlanta … small potatoes.  Butch is going for The Big Enchilada – Get Carolina To A BCS Game.  (Yes, the same lofty heights that JIM GROBE has taken LOWF!).

When Danny Ocean (Frank Sinatra or George Clooney version) walked out of prison, within minutes the word was “on the streets”.  Danny Ocean (Butch Davis) is back in business.  The “football street” knew “Butch is Back” before Dickie did.  OK, so did most everybody east of Durango, but lets not go there any more.  “Butch is Carolina-bound and he’s rounding up the boys to kick some BCS butt”.  

Butch has been planning this for over two years.  He only needed half his brain to be an analyst for NFL Network, the other half he put to his master plan to “awaken the sleeping giant” … of course he wasn’t sure WHICH “sleeping giant” he was going to be waking up, but you wake up one “sleeping giant” you pretty much wake’em all up.

Like every “brains” behind every caper, Butch knew he needed all the components …. The mechanic … the wheel man … the explosives guy … the techno-geek … the “moll” … the blade … the shooter … the con man … the magician … the 2nd story guy … the really strong guy … the make-up artist … the guy that crawls thru the HVAC ducts … the Chinese acrobat.  Have I left out anyone?  Oh, the “pooch punter” and the “nickel back”. … and Butch knew WHO he wanted and Butch  knew WHERE to find’em.  Ya see … this ain’t Butch’s first rodeo or first BCS caper.

A board full of Shineolas can bloviate and flatulate til their modems melt … Butch don’t care, Butch don’t read’em … Butch has a caper to pull off … The Kenan Kaper.

As of right now, he’s announced three of “the guys” but he’s vague about titles and such.  “Butch’s guys” don’t worry about such things.  They are of one purpose … watch Butch’s back and do what Butch needs doin’.  He knows the entire ensemble.  He’s known it for quite some time.  We’ll know it when it’s time for us to know it.  All’s we need to know is that Butch knows it.  He does.

We kind of explained in the last column how a man like Butch puts together his “group o’ guys”.  Reread that part if need be.

Ignore the squawking Shineolas as much as you can.  I know it’s hard to do.  Just keep SwaggerSays bookmarked and watch your e-mail.  Be positive and optimistic (whether you are a Carolina or State fan!) … there’s every reason to be for both fan bases.  There will be some “stuff” happening this Spring and Summer that will send the Shineolas into advanced Hoot’n Holler.  You’ll get a little nervous.  You’ll write BLS.  I will write back and remind UNCers to (1) park at The Friday Center … and (2) Trust The Pale Rider.

What’s happening is quite fascinating to watch unfold.  Enjoy it … eat plenty of fiber … drink more water … call a friend just to say hi.

BLS, The Boz From Dash-Town, and Goal-line Bomar had lunch today.  Our 4th was a quite recent UNC gridder.  He confirmed pretty much everything we already knew good and bad but heavy on the good stuff coming.


“That Platinum Pal Thing”

    I’d like to know where Jim Jones got his Kool-Aid.  I might be needing a boxcar load of it.  We said if you’d like to be a BobLee Platinum Pal just “let us know”.  We figured 20-30 readers might be curious enough to take action.  By 5 PM yesterday we flew past 250 and didn’t slow down.  When we booted up this morning, the “let me ins” were backed up like 747s over O’Hare at 6 PM on a Friday.

I didn’t buy nearly enough Cheetos for that size crowd.  Where’s that kid with the magic basket of loaves and fishes?  I’ll check with Prince Albert or Leon.  They’ll know how to find him.

We’ve long been proud of the quality and quantity of our SwaggerSays audience.  Damn, now BLS’ Platinum Pals would qualify as the 3rd largest city inside the Arctic circle.  We’ve taken on extra operators to handle the tsunami-like “incomings” … it looks like a NPR telethon around here … all’s we need are some Do-Woppers and a baton twirling dwarf.  It would have been easier to say “if you do NOT want to be a Platinum Pal say so”.  The magic portal is still open.

And LAWYERS … Lordy the LAWYERS … this site attracts more lawyers/readers than a 10-car pile-up in front of a John Edwards’ book-signing. … which, alas, segues into our last subject today.



… BobLee is going “Godless commie” hunting w/ a vengence for the next 500 words. It might get messy.  If you don’t like “Slasher movies” this may not be for you.  BLS is packing heat on this one.

UNC’s notorious “Godless commies” are up to their little godless commie tricks again … and Meez and his minions are doing their bobblehead doll best to accommodate them.

Y’all know BobLee’s favorite Privileged Prince of Poverty hisownself – John “The Breck Boy” Edwards.  You know the smirking, well-coiffed, ex-ambulance chasing multi-millionaire that UNC pays $40,000/year to have his campaign office on the UNC campus … yeah, “that John Edwards”.   ….. Hey, Kindly Ol’ Bill, there’s 40K you can get back to buy lightbulbs for Old East.

Well “that John Edwards” is having a contest with his wife Elizabeth “the only woman to ever have breast cancer” Edwards to see who can finagle their way on to the most Liberal-biased media shows to promote “that John’s” “I haven’t decided yet …so have me back next week and ask me again” pre-2008 Presidential campaign.  That’s the official name of it.  David “The Pit Yorkie” Bonior has t-shirts made up with that on it.  ….    So “that John” ends up on Screamin’ Chris Matthews’ Hardball show earlier this week on one of those lost-on-the-remote alphabet cable networks.

OK, so what’s the big deal about that BobLee?  Screamin’ Chris has all the loonie Libs on and sucks up to’em.  Indeed, but does he always have … (1) The UNC Pep Band … (2) The UNC Cheerleaders … (3) Ramses The UNC Mascot.  uh oh … No, he only has all those symbols of “my freakin’ alma mater” on when he sucking up to “that John Edwards” the Presidential candidate endorsed by the “Godless commies” that control The University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill.  Yes, the same institution that calls me once a month begging for my financial support … “that UNC”.

I’m really not appalled, surprised, or even flummoxed by this demonstration of institutional idiocy.  I asked one of Matt Kupec’s “dialing for dollars” staffers once if they can tell when UNC sticks its ultra left-wing foot in its mouth.  The answer was “ABSOLUTELY, we get a whole lot more hang-ups when we call people.”  Ya see friends and neighbors, there a little something called “the five year factor”.  

About five years after one escapes from Chapel Hill, the godless commie influence has pretty much worn off and reality causes a change from Bierkenstocks to Brooks Brothers … and that wild-eyed tenured anarchist wearing the dirty Che Guevarra t-shirt … that a naive 18 y/o thought was “right on” … is seen 5 years later as “a blithering nut with very poor hygiene”.  The alumni base of UNC over-30 is predominantly “conservative”.  ……… BANG! …… That sound you just heard was Silent Sam shooting himself in the left buttocks.

That’s “conservative” with a little “c” and has naught to do with party affiliation.  Folks … I’m not talking Democrats and Republicans.  Hellfire, I have a lot more “Democrat” friends than you would believe.  And I’m not all that thrilled with Bush 43 either.    But what we have festering in Chapel Hill is no more about “Democrats” than it is about rutabagas.

“Godless commies” are “godless  commies” and “that John Edwards” is the Chosen One for the “godless commies” of Chapel Hill. …. And apparently for the UNC Athletic Department and South Building.

Oh, I’m quite sure Dickie and Meez “didn’t mean to offend anyone” and simply saw it as positive exposure for “the University”.  I am also absolutely sure it was never approved by the UNC System Administration.  I am also quite sure that the next time I’m asked to give $$$ to UNC, I’ll have a few colorful phrases for the student telemarketer unlucky enough to have my name on her list. 

Not to worry … Neither The Blue Messiah nor The Pale Rider were present for the John Edwards Carolina Pep Rally.  The smart guys at UNC “know better”.  I didn’t see Nora O’Donnell either.  Maybe she was running buck nekkid down the main street of Georgetown yelling F-bombs, like she did a few years ago.  Now that would be worth seeing on Hardball.


   We have some news about Duke cheerleaders and “Devil With The Blue Dress On” but we’ll save that for the Platinum Pals.  Gotta give’em something or they’ll start chasing the cat.


Ocean’s Eleven, recent version … “Alan Brady” and “Trapper John” were both in it … who played Alan Brady and Trapper John AND were part of Danny Ocean’s Vegas caper team?  …. Be Careful … This Is Another Incredibly Cool Question … two in a row – WOW!


     Jim Rockford (James Garner) was NOT one of the Mag Seven … but he was one of the two Maverick brothers.  Beau was a cousin.

     As noted, we’ve added a power booster to our server and can accommodate as many Platinum Pals as want to sign up.  We don’t know yet what being a BobLee Platinum Pal will mean but the line is already ¾ of the way around the block waiting to find out. 

    We’ll be discussing Semper Fi and Spring Boot Camp at Fort Murphy in an upcoming column.  Look for LOTS of Chuck’s Mangrove Swamp Rats to be buying one-way bus tickets back to Appalachicola.

 Wanna e-mail BobLee … [email protected]

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