The Eye Of The Bunny

January18/ 2000

…. There’s no man drawing’ breath that will cover Ol’ Roy’s back 24/7 including holidays with more conviction than BobLee.  I truly luv the guy ….. BUT DAMN! …. As The Blue Messiah puts together his highlight film for Springfield, methinks 2006-07 might be covered rather briefly with a few minutes of the 2nd half versus Ohio State…. Beyond that this has turned into a Bobby Ewing shower season. …. Meanwhile, 28 miles to the east, despite a lackluster W-L tally, we bestow high marks on El Sid for the best coaching job in “the Triangle” in 2007.

College sports is nothing if not a series of well-worn stereotypes strung together.  There has not been any innovation in college basketball since Fire & Ice stepped timidly onto the hallowed hardwood of William Neal Reynolds Coliseum wearing the unitard.  Considering how well that went over, maybe that explains why we haven’t seen much since.

So, relying on the usual, isn’t it time for Ol’ Roy’s Beleagured Boys to call for one of those ubiquitous team meetings where the coaches are excluded and teammates talk about their own and each others’ manhood?  The last one of those at The Legend’s Lair was called by a walk-on named Philip McLamb in the dark days of Matt Mess.  We are a heck of a ways from that level of doom, despair and bandwagon bailout … but Lordy Lordy Lordy … we got a dozen lottery picks  and our most reliable point  guard ….

…..  is BISCUIT !!! 

During Matt Mess, The Dean E Smith Student Activity Center was like Crystal Lake and Jason Voorhees was on the prowl.  Kris Lang’s frog squats and Jason Capel giving gang signs anytime he didn’t throw up an air ball … it was bad karma and we had Prince Tassel Loafer to take the blame for it.

Anybody trying to blame the current woes on “my friends call me Dickie” will meet stern resistence.  Whatever has drained all the give a damn from Team Lottery Pick has done a heck of a job at it.  The Eye of The Bunny  is NOT a fearsome sight.  We ran out of “Wake-Up Calls” about three uninspired Ls ago.

Does this group collectively have even a spoonful of sand in their gizzard?  I can’t recall ever seeing a Tar Heel team this uninspired and seemingly lost.  Hell, Bob Bennett, Johnny Yokley, Tom Gauntlett and Mark Mirken stepped on the court with more hitch in their get-along than these “highly-touted one-and-dones”.  Maryland and Georgia Tech have had some imposing teams in the past but not this year.  Good thing we didn’t schedule Binghampton and Davidson for late season tune-ups … damn, good thing!

Yes, the overall record is impressive for most teams.  But most teams don’t play under rafters full of banners and HoF jerseys and amid expectations of long March dances and Final Four destinies.  Everyone connected with Carolina basketball labors under the totally unreasonable burden of the highest of expectations … hardly fair …. but no one says you gotta do it.  

Ol’ Roy knows the way it is.  He’ll ask for no quarter (nor receive any). He hasn’t shirked a bit.  I don’t know if he has a hound dog or a family cat but if so I hope he ain’t kicking it.  Hound dogs and cats aren’t the ones throwing up bricks and playing reasonably hard for 35 minutes … then sitting on the curb and crying in the final five. 

Everybody keeps asking me where’s the Hansbrough Hottie?.  It was a year ago this weekend that the future Mrs Doctor Hansbrough II was introduced to Tar Heel TV viewers … but we haven’t seen her since.  Maybe that’s what we need.  Yo Doc … bring Mrs H II on Sunday.  Maybe she can penetrate and distribute the rock.  The Hansbrough Hottie and Biscuit in the backcourt … make us forget Larry Brown & Yogi Poteet.

Lucky for us, our Shower Scene Year is corresponding to a similar what tha heck season 8 miles down 15-501.  All those refs that El Diablo supposedly owns aren’t earning their payoffs other than that little Clemson fandango weeks ago.  When no one on the roster can legally buy beer or needs to shave more than once a week … you gonna have bad days at black rock.  Lottery pick roulette will break your heart and have you switching channels to watch the end of the NASCAR race sure ‘nuf.

How many of you, back in early November, predicted the happiest bunch of fans in “the Triangle” in early March were gonna be at the RBC Center?  Sure, the Pack has had some blow-out double dozen digits defeats … but El Sid has coached’em up to a handful of upset wins too.  More impressively, El Sid has conducted himself in Class A “Sharp Guy” fashion at every turn.  His media remarks have totally avoided the “uh ohs” that plagued a certain recently departed Pack coach.  Sid is not a sideline novice.  Assuming he is recruiting decent citizens, and we believe he is, he will be more than competitive by even next year.  A High Five To Mr Lowe!

Unless Ol Roy and Rosemary’s Other Baby can figure out, really quickly, Lottery Pick Roulette, Sid may be even more than just competitive.  If Tywan Lawson thinks he’s ready for the NBA, move over Joe Forte and William Avery.   Here comes the next “what was his name again and where is he now” in three years.   Imagine Brendan Wright going up against a Ben Wallace, an Amare Stodemaire, a Tim Duncan every night.

I’m as solidly behind Ol’ Roy as ever.  The man finds himself in a for real pickle.  It’s March and his Young Guns are firing blanks and showing the fortitude of field mice.  I watched their eyes against VaTech … against Maryland … and against GaTech.  In crunch time I saw “we’re probably going to lose”.  If  the eyes are a mirror to the soul then don’t book your Tampa rooms for more than one night … and one weekend of dancin’ oughta do us.

Well before April 1, we’ll be gathering at The Bosh and cheering on Mike Fox’s “moochies”.  They showed “true grit” in Omaha.  Tar Heels are spoiled … we like grit and we like gamers.  At least play hard enough that we can blame losses on the “out to get us” refs and biased announcers like we usually do.


 What ACC school once had a coach named “Whack” ?


  “Precious” Mangum was employed by Bunny Hole Entertainment and most of you learned that little fact right here … not from the N&O that’s for sure.  Speaking of NOT getting news from the N&O…..  

   Remember UNC’s Professor Peeper in the Atlanta Airport restroom?  His court date was mid-February.  I’ve asked the reporter covering Mr Peepers for an update.  Apparently the N&O would rather not cover that story.   Surprise … Surprise! …. Nothing new on The Do-Rag Rapist either.

   BUT … our buddy Crash Nifong got tired of Jim Black hogging his headline.  Mikey is front and center once again.  Apparently Mikey will be using the Alfred E. Neumann Defense to try and save his law license also known as What Rose Law Firm Files ???   


Mike Nifong has become the Ultimate Lawyer Joke. ….. as I described him earlier … a doughy sack of civil servant mediocrity morphing into a pathetic pile of rat droppings with each passing day.  Get a bucket of tar and a bag of feathers.   Now the numbnutz is “blaming websites” for picking on him.  PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE someone send him this one.  We deserve to be on Mikey Nifong’s Whine List.

…. a word of warning, as insane as Mikey is acting now … just wait another 60 days.  By the time he actually appears before the NC Bar he’ll be crawling on all fours and biting the postman.  

  Friday morning I got a “lovely” e-mail from Mark The Very Mad Wuffie.  This loquacious loon went on for four paragraphs blaming ME for all the Carter-Finley tailgate troubles … proving that nitwit for nitwit, UNC and NCSU are about even.  I forwarded his inane comments to Bobby Purcell and Lee Fowler recommending Mark to be Tom Stafford’s foot stool.  

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