… For the 2nd time in college football history, “points were taken off a scoreboard” … and it was the same scoreboard (and same end zone) where it happened the 1st time two years ago. Under a beautiful Carolina blue sky, on a verdant Kenan Stadium greensward, the kick-off of Carolina FB 2006 convinced 45,000+ that any bowling this year might be AMF, and not BCS. … and we check out the champagne wishes and caviar dreams of other area gridiron loyalists.
That noted football historian Charles “Chuck” Amato commented back in October 2004 that he had NEVER seen “points taken off a scoreboard”. His hyperbolic comments were in response to the legendary “T.A. failed to score” scenario in Kenan Stadium’s West End Zone. With 12 minutes remaining in Rutgers 21-16 victory on Saturday, Tar Heel faithful felt Chuck’s pain as Barrington Edward’s knee did a T.A. on that same goal line. And by damn if the next play wasn’t also the same as on that fateful night back in ’04.
Ronnie McGill coughed up the pigskin on an off-tackle dive. The originality of that play call did NOT cause anyone to forget Paul Miller’s legendary fake to McCauley and naked bootleg walk into that same end zone in 1970.
A goodly portion of the pain that Tar Heel football fans are feeling is directly attributable to Carolina arrogance … “Rutgers” … we were playing “Rutgers” (use Allan Iverson voice!). Most fans failed to realize that the Scarlet Knights from Piscataway were one of only 60 Div 1-A teams to “play in a bowl” last year. Our Heels, of course, were one of only 60 Div 1-A teams NOT to “play in a bowl” last year. Hopefully most of you catch BobLee’s satirical jab at the absurdity of the current NCAA Bowl-Fest that rewards mediocrity. The equivalent of Little League “participation” trophies.
Before
we go any further … I am CERTAIN that Marvin Sanders is a fine fellow, loving husband, devoted father, darn good guy and maybe even “one of the finest young defensive coordinators” in all of “big time college football”. Certainly one of the highest paid. I also know that under Marv’s coordination last year, Carolina nearbout wore out the home team side of the scoreboard at Papa John Stadium in Louisville AND gave up two back-to-back “long bombs” in the 4th quarter in a heartbreaking loss to Maryland.
For all that, Marv was given a $125,000 raise to $250,000. That amounts to $20,0
00 per game for those who enjoy such economics. “That Damn Dave Huxtable”, Marv’s much maligned predecessor, was paid considerably less and produced a confused defensive unit of unsuccessful arm-tacklers … just like we witnessed yesterday “under a beautiful Carolina blue sky on a verdant Kenan Stadium greensward”.
“That Damn Dickie Baddour” was granted a 6-month stay of execution by the lunatic lynch mob for doling out megabucks for Marv and the Fresno Superstars Frank Cignetti 
and whatshisname the O-line coach. “Forty Point Frank” (also “a fine fellow, loving hu
sband, devoted father and darn good guy”) apparently dedicated his first Kenan outing as a tribute to “Yoda”, his predecessor the much-maligned “That Damn Gary Tranquil”. “Forty Points Frank” is now 24 points behind his fabled average, with VaTech coming in next week … ouch!
Marv and Frank probably don’t deserve BobLee’s poison darts … nor did they probably deserve $250,000 each for three years and more advance hype than the Delorean got. Marv and Frank are “big boys” and both know those unrealistic fat contracts came with unrealistic expectations and that, after Game One … the audience wasn’t too impressed.
The ax
les on the Carolina Football Bandwagon are, predictably, not “laboring under the strain” right now. The Bunting Bashers are in full hoot and holler … the nooses are being woven … the long knives resharpened … and Countdown to Ol’ Roy’s Midnight Madness has begun. All of which was even more predictable than Ronnie McGill’s off-tackle dive after “points were taken off the scoreboard” for only the 2nd time in college football history in Kenan’s West End Zone.
Carolina Football 2006 is certainly not as bad as it showed on Saturday. But losing to “Rutgers” will be an indelible stain that won’t go away as loonies start their silly math to see how UNC can be one of 60+ Div 1-A teams to “play in a bowl” later this year. Can UNC still have a “successful” season? … of course they can. But this “L” is on their “permanent record”.
While one “University of New Jersey” was victorious in Chapel Hill, The University of New Jersey South saw its hopes for at least one victory (or at least a tie) in 2006 crushed by the football playing arachnids from Richmond. A Wally Wade “crowd” of 20,000 bolstered by 15,000 freebies and Mike Nifong Bobblehead Night, had to be disappointed that Ted Roof chose to keep the shackles on his vaunted offense. Ted no doubt did not want to show too much to Deacon spies in the press box before next week’s visit to Groves Stadium. Ted succeeded in not showing too much at all.
As a public service, Derm police were on hand to offer free DNA screenings to all fans to determine how many of the 20,000 were in that tiny little bathroom on March 13. The NC Mental Health Society was also offering free sanity tests to determine why anyone would actually buy a ticket to a Duke FB game.
Incidentally Ho #1 was NOT at the game nor has anyone, including her father (“a quiet soft spoken Christian man”) seen her since June. Wonder how the “honor student and single mother of two” is supporting herself these days?
With Mikey Nifong Bobblehead Night such a big success at Wally Wade, we hear they’re planning a Bunny Hole Cheerleader Revue for the next home game. The crème de la crème of Derm’s “exotic dancers” will chase a President Broadhead lookalike around the Wally Wade track and throw him under a bus like he did Coach Pressler and his players.
Over at newly-enclosed Carter-Finley, a packed-house of “show us something Chuck” Wuffs saw Chuck defeat Charlie Cobb’s Mountaineers in a nice respectable season opener. Yours truly had predicted an upset in this one but was proven wrong.
Little did I know the extra incentive that “the Wuff Woody” play-by-play guy Gary Hahn had dreamed up. Post game, Gary was ecstatically touting “NC State’s first ever victory over a #1 ranked team”. App State is indeed ranked #1 in one of the “small college” ratings. Back off the caffeine, Gary. Maybe you can get Lee to schedule Independence Hig h School next year and you can break their 100 game win streak.
Neither the well-documented stoopid new tailgating rules nor the N&O’s embarrassing hatchet job cartoon of Chuck could stop the Wuffs from being 1-0 after 1 as the only Triangle-area team to still have a chance at an undefeated season in 2006.
Speaking of that hatchet job cartoon in the N&O’s website … yes, it was “funny” and yes, it was 
created by a Chuck-hating NCSU grad – Grey Blackwell … and yes the N&O should be ashamed of itself. It was the sort of cheapshot crap one expects to see in a student newspaper or on a rival fan message board … NOT from a major metro media company. I think Wuff loyalists might finally be justified in burning the N&O HQ to the ground and disemboweling anyone who survives the fire.… including Grey Blackwell.
Over in Winston-Salem, Jim Grobe’s Deacons did not face Jim Brown, Ernie Davis, Floyd Little, Larry 
Csonka, or Donovan McNabb but hey, Syracuse has a tad more football tradition cred than say “Rutgers” for goodness sakes. Grobe’s Deacs could legitimately be 5-0, or at least 4-1 for September. If you don’t think that will have Tar Heel loonies in full riot mode you haven’t been paying attention.
Meanwhile up in Pittsburgh in The Battle Of The Unsuccessful NFL Coaches … Dave Wannstadt spanked algroh like a rented mule. Again, for those interested in sports economics … algroh is getting about $100,000/game from Craig Littlepage … about what Mr Jefferson paid for the Louisiana Purchase. Tom got a better deal than Craig did.
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Bob Mathias died last week … what did Bob do WHEN HE WAS ONLY 17 that earned him a Wheaties box cover?
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BLS sez …
EVERY parent has a picture of his child eating dry Cheerios.
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Texas Longhorn Fat Cats are called “tea sippers” by their rivals and by their less successful Texas Longhorn fellow fans. EVERY college fan base has its class envy faction.
The disappointing score notwithstanding, BobLee had another “good time” in Napa Valley under “a beautiful Carolina blue sky”. Good to see Darcy, Kingsport Bob, Lake Murray Ted, General Bill, and even Bill “Peter Pan” Span.
Many of you are asking … Kid is having a GREAT time at Mizzou. To her Mom’s surprise (but not her Dad’s), she is attracting very heavy male attention. As advised, she is using the “Tucker Boys & Daniel” standard model and none are coming close to measuring up that high.
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