Somewhere Peahead is Smiling

January18/ 2000

… Normally this headline would say “Up in Heaven, Ol’ Peahead Walker Must Be Smiling” but to use a Corso phrase “not so fast my friends”. … Anyone familiar w/ the life and legend of Douglas Clyde “Peahead” Walker would agree he’s darn proud of his Amazin’ Deacons, but no one is assuming what eternal sports bar the feisty ol’ coot is hanging out in. … Orange plaudits aplenty for Wake Forest … although Little Johnny’s accountants ain’t happy. … and “Butch’s big bucks” continue to draw incoming fire.

Even with our “well seasoned” reader demographics here, “Peahead” Walker is one of those sports characters you’ve heard about but not sure why.  “Peahead” was Wake Forest’s football coach from 1937 to 1950.  For perspective, he was their football version of Horace “Bones” McKinney. …. When either name pops up among long toothed fans, at least half of the stories will be less than totally true … but no one can tell you which half … so just enjoy them all.

“Peahead” led the Deacon gridders when Wake Forest was actually in “Wake Forest”.  Wallace Wade was roaming the sidelines in West Derm and Carl Snavely was bringing in ex-GIs to block for Choo Choo.  For a better perspective, “Peahead’s last year of coaching the Deacs was the year BEFORE The Pale Rider was born out in Tahlequah, Oklahoma.   Peahead, Wally and Carl all wore jaunty “fedoras” on the sidelines.  I think The Pale Rider should wear “a fedora” too.

Typical “Peahead” story … he was recruiting future Chicago Bear great LB, Bill George.  He met George at the Raleigh train station and gave him a tour of “the campus” … the Duke campus.  According to Peahead “if he had seen our dinky little place, no way he woulda signed”.  Bill George signed with Wake Forest.

Peahead had a “colorful vocabulary” and that concerned Wake’s Baptist hierarchy.  Called on the carpet, Peahead explained that “damn to a football coach is like amen to a preacher”.  Peahead’s overall record at Wake was 77-51-6.

In 1950, Peahead wanted a raise from $8,000/year to $9,000.  The school balked so Peahead bolted.  There is no record of whether the News & Observer ran an editorial about athletic priorities vs academia … BobLee bets they did.

I think Peahead Walker would like Jim Grobe A LOT.  I like Jim Grobe.  Hell, EVERYBODY likes Jim Grobe.  (Remember our rule:  The “you know whos” don’t count).

  •  ….. Jim Grobe would be the perfect next door neighbor.
  •  ….. You’d want Jim Grobe to marry your sister, or remarry your wife if you died
  •  ….  If you were elk hunting in Montana and your appendix burst and there was no doctor around, but Jim Grobe was there, you’d let him operate on you using a sharp stick.
  •  ….. Jim Grobe was proposed for Mount Rushmore, but “the Mount’ said “it” was not worthy.
  •  ….. I do not want to know Jim Grobe’s politics because if he is “one of them” I would be sad (I bet he’s “one of us” but, again, I would rather not know.)
  • ….  The most popular new baby name at Baptist Hospital is now “JimGrobe” … #2-4 are Arnold, Tim, and Muggsy.  “KrispyKreme” is #7.  “ScottHoch” is #82.
  • …..  Oprah is NOT the AntiChrist.  Jim Grobe is.
  • ….. Whether North Korea or Iran eventually take over America, both dictators already say “they will spare Jim Grobe” because THEY LIKE HIM TOO.
  • …..   Do away with the BCS Committee and just let Jim Grobe decide who plays who.  EVERYBODY would trust Jim Grobe’s decision.
  • …..   A certain US Senator (and WFU alum) has changed his name to JIMrichard burrGROBE.
  • …..   If “they” did a movie about Jim Grobe, no one could play Jim Grobe except Jim Grobe because no one else is good enough and Jim Grobe is probably a great actor too.
  • ……  And finally ….. Jim Grobe coaches college football because college basketball already has Ol’ Roy. … and Ron Wellman is “the Jim Grobe of Athletics Directors”.

If Kid was a boy instead of a girl and was pretty good in football but wanted to have a real career after playing college football, I would want Kid to play for Jim Grobe, probably as a punter.  If Kid was real good in football and determined to go to “a big school with a commemorative water fountain” I would want her to play for The Pale Rider because … well because I kinda HAVE to say that, don’t I?

You want to know how to trivialize sports? … Have a rival team be really successful.  CaroLoons and WuffLoons once thought “winning the ACC” and “going to a BCS game” was a BFD … until Wake Forest actually DID IT! … now, who cares.  You know, like how UNCers feel whenever Duke wins a National Championship in BB.  Who knew that it is MUCH BETTER to have George Steinbrenner’s granddaughter (UNC) or “that hottie in the Mercury commercials” from your school than being in some dumb BCS game. !!!  (NOTE:  Jill Wagner aka “the Mercury girl” is a Wuff-alum of major hottiness!)

Over at Grandover, “Little Johnny Swofford” and his ACC spinners are photoshopping little fake people into all the “empties” at Alltel Stadium yesterday.  Even with the usual freebies to the Boys Clubs and all the “poor kids” in Duval County, it looked like the John Kerry Fan Club turnout at the Army-Navy Game.   “Little Johnny’s” accountants (and the TV ad sales guys) are NOT happy.  “Little Johnny” PROMISED that “a Florida school” would ALWAYS be in the ACCCG … or at least the Hokies and their traveling multitudes. ….. The ACCCG “should” be played at the home field of the team with the best conference record (or some complicated tie-breaker formula that only Dave Glenn will understand.).

One of the real comforts of this life is when a reoccurring series of events ALWAYS happens just like all the other times that same series of events happened.   You know like at Thanksgiving, the local TV stations (even the odd ones that nobody watches) send an info babe to the local airport to interview travelers on “the busiest travel day of the year”.  And on the first really cold day each year … those same “roving reporterettes” find a homeless guy under a bridge and ask him how it feels to live under a bridge when it’s really cold. ….. well, we had another of those oh so predictable A then B then C then D happen this week.

UNC is paying The Pale Rider a very very large amount of money to come coach football at UNC.  “Large amount” is relative of course.  It’s not as much as John Edwards’ new Chapel Hill mansion is costing … but it’s a lot.  So, of course, as already reported here, Kindly Ol’ Bill Friday (KOBF) took time away from his WUNC TV PBS show (where he interviews zither players and guys who write book about sweet potatoes) to publicly lament this latest sure sign of The Academic Apocalypse.

KOBF is, of course, “untouchable” as far as anyone being allowed to actually disagree with him.  Kind of like Jimmy Carter thinks he is … but a recent Zogby Poll shows that Jimmy is not even taken seriously in Plains any more.  Most Americans now refer to “Brother Billy” as “the one who aged with dignity”.  There IS a reason that the Habitat folks do not let Jimmy use the power tools …. But not even Jim Heavner would ever speak out against KOBF.

Once KOBF did his impression of Iron Eyes Cody weeping about litter, that signaled those two regional paragons of journalistic flatulence … “the damn N&O” and “those punks at The Daily Tar Heel” … to chime in.  Both went to their archives and dusted off the very same self-righteous screeds they used the last time all this happened.   ….. and, of course THAT ignited …. that equally self-righteous “certain UNC fan faction”.  Woo Hoo!

Within 7.4 seconds of the DTH editorial on “we’re paying Butch too much…” 138 highly over-caffeinated UNC “real fans” had each posted that old favorite “when 50,000 people pay $40 apiece to watch some jackass professor cram socialist idealogy down their throats”.  Linking “the hiring of Butch” to “finally cleaning out all the gay commies from Chapel Hill” was accomplished with such efficiency that if one blinked one missed it.

The man has been here less than a week and apparently he’s already run the godless gay commies out of Chapel Hill.  Hell, it took St Patrick longer than that to get the snakes out of Ireland.  Drew Davis oughta be very proud of his Dad.  Wonder what he’ll do in Week Two?

Sure the insane coaching salaries are “insane” … but so is the consistently embarrassing behavior of the TENURED godless gay commies.  When’s the last time KOBF whacked a TENURED  godless gay commie?  Huh? …. and as for “the damn N&O” – they pander to one constituency at the expense of one they take for granted … nothing new about that.

My personal fave in all this was The Deification of Steve Kirschner”.  “Kirschy” has been the quite well-respected SID at UNC since The Dickster decided SID for Life Rick Brewer had “lived” long enough and changed the locks on the SID Office without telling Rick.  Steve, like Rick did, does a fine job considering the hurdles involved in “doing anything fine” at UNC.

Steve was designated to officially put “the damn N&O” in its place for questioning anything at UNC, even stuff already disapproved of by KOBF hisownself.  Steve did so, reminiscent of Daniel Webster or Thomas Paine (according to his newest best friends among the “real fans”).  Yes, the lovable “theys”  now want him “to be our AD” …. (Don’t get the “big head” Steve.  Other “be our AD” nominees have been Clay Aiken, Bip The Mime in front of the Post Office, Rita From Chester, John Kuester and Dawn Bunting) … the same “real fans” that have always despised Steve and blamed HIM, personally, (1) for not letting them get drunk at tailgates and (2) for not giving any unsold football tickets to the United States Marines at Camp Lejeune.  …… stop … some of you are trying to make sense out of all this.   I can sense the migraines coming on.  Just enjoy it … I do.

The Pale Rider WILL get his insane amount of money. ……….  John Edwards WILL build his poverty castle ……  The gay commies WILL still prowl the UNC campus ……  “That damn N&O” and “those punks at the DTH” still WILL think they are smarter than the rest of us. …….

…..  And Jim Grobe WILL stay at Wake Forest because my staff and our families like it here and are happy”.

…… and wherever he is … “Peahead” is definitely smiling. ….. and so are Jim Branch and BobLee Swagger!


What did Frank Solich do this year that even Jim Grobe never could do?  (get arrested for DWI is NOT the answer we are looking for)


    Thad Matta followed Skip Prosser at Xavier.  Skip followed Pete Gillen.

   The Wuffs were all upset about “that Damn N&O”s” quite offensive Barry “Sportin’ Life” Saunders latest offensive slam at NCSU.   BobLee recommended “they” (the upset Wuffs) go down to the N&O, drag Barry out and “lynch him”.  That, of course, gave some of the already “edgy” Wuffs something, and someone, else to get upset about. 

   The Fowler Family minus its embattled patriarch was at Sunday School today.  We all wondered as to Lee’s whereabouts … was he (1) in Annapolis, (2) in Baton Rouge, or (3) in Knoxville.  or possibly (4) at home reading the Wolfpack fan boards.

   Anson’s Soccer Girls WIN ANOTHER NC!  Hip Hip HOORAY!  Casey From Broughton High (an “Izzy girl”) was a STAR … Go Caps!  …. KOBF not sure Kitty Carmichael would approve of those little shorts but he can’t fight ALL the battles by himself.

Life is GOOD! …. BobLee is now appearing at Country Clubs and Chamber of Commerce functions across the Southeast.  If you belong to a country club or a chamber of commerce, be a hero, tell whoever is in charge to “book this guy” … Kid’s spring tuition bill is due.

Want to e-mail BobLee? … [email protected]

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