Putting A Face To IT

January18/ 2000

…. If you really don’t like Duke, you use Coach K to personify that hate. … You don’t like Repubs – use GWB …. Dems?  Either or both “Clintons” … don’t like “race baitin’ hucksters”? – The Revs – Step Al & Fetch It Jesse, but if the Second Tragedy at Virginia Tech disgusts you as it has so many, who is it you dislike and loath so?  Who is the face of the media?  They depend on you not solving that one.  Being anonymous and unaccountable for their actions is the sustaining essence of their role in our society (kinda like message board loonies, huh!).  How the media are behaving w/ This Tragedy is worse than the last such occasion …. but not as bad as they will behave at the next one.

It was suggested to me this week by a long time concerned reader that I get off The Damn N&O since he didn’t live in their market and didn’t care.  He also doesn’t care any more about Nifong …. And he thinks I pick on AppleCheeks too much …. But other than those few suggestions, he can’t wait to read my columns ???  This reader is a good guy and has offered suggestions before.  As is my custom with any non-F-bomb throwers, I thanked him and politely assured him I wasn’t planning on taking any of his suggestions; … not a one. 

….. helping me in my decision were the dozens of reader e-mails encouraging me to keep on keepin’ on in my crusade to straighten out America, then THE WORLD.  Ultimately it comes down to the fact I have no editor, no publisher, no corporate board, no career to protect, no sponsors, and, of course, no respect whatsoever for political correctness.  I just have this little ol’ website that is accessible by anyone on Earth who has access to the Internet …. at least for now any way.  If I am the media then Here I Is.  I look like that studly rogue at the top of this page.  Ya wanna fight?  You can pick the site … I get to pick the weapons.  Bring it on! ……  Ted Knight, Less Nessman, BOBLEE, Perky Katie, Melanie Sill, Rob Christenson ….  Which one doesn’t quite fit?

   I can’t get out of my head that when the lip-glossed info-twits and blow-dried Ken dolls have drained every rating point they can out of Blacksburg …. Thirty one families will be left to grieve and adjust to the grim reality of a totally unexplainable tragedy.  

I read profiles on the victims and, of course, each is described by the usual glowing obituary superlatives that the modicum of civility left in our society dictates we use.  I figure one of the reasons we seem to have so many jackasses and assh*les in this world is that only the “good people” ever die.  Read the obits for a week and see if ONE sorry, no-good, lyin’, cheatin’ scallywag / bitch ever dies.  Hell … when Idiot Nifong and Jim The Weasel Black die, they will be eulogized so eloquently as to give one diabetic shock ….. I digress.

As I said recently about Jason Ray …. How come we don’t enjoy and celebrate these good people BEFORE they die.  Assuming they were indeed as stellar in life as they become in death.

So the Krazy Korean Kid selected the 31 best human beings at Virginia Tech for his Big Finale.  Regardless, they all were hopefully special to someone ….. and certainly more deserving of living than the disgusting piece of human debris being celebrated in full HD in your home theater.  Alas, none of the 31 will have their names forever etched in American History.

For all of you who correctly identified Charles Whitman as the Texas Tower sniper in the mid 60s …. Name one of his victims. ….. None of the Blacksburg 31 are getting the front page and big screen fame that the media has given to the Krazy Korean Kid …. Exactly as the Krazy Korean Kid knew they would.  Who outsmarted who in this?  Lets be fair …. outsmarting the media isn’t exactly rocket surgery is it?

I was a teenager when Lee Harvey Oswald became a household word.  Even back then I tended to think differently than regular folks …. I pondered on the infamous weekend back then what will become of Vaughn Meader?  Vaughn Meader was making big bucks with his First Family album lampooning JFK.  At noon on Nov 22, 1963 as the motorcade entered Dealey Plaza … a shot rang out and Vaughn Meader’s golden-egg laying goose died along with the crown prince of Camelot.   Ya know who I thought of as I watched the media exploit death for ratings points this week?  Don Imus.  Remember him?

If my pal Jon BeoWolf Saunders can link Barack Obama, VaTech and the 75th anniversary of The Hindenburg into a package, I can connect Don Imus to the Krazy Korean Kid.  Easy ….

If Krazy Korean Kid had struck LAST WEEK, then Don Imus would still have a job.  If Krazy Korean Kid had struck a month ago, Anna Nicole Smith’s death would have been an after thought blurb on Entertainment Tonight.

The significance of any event or issue is relative to what other options the media has to choose from.  Don Imus & The Nappy-headed Hos got over-the-fold lead story prominence because assignment editors had nothing else to do.  When the alarm sounded in newsrooms across America on Monday AM, 92% of the info-twits could not have told you what freakin’ STATE Virginia Tech was in.  A few hours later they were stalking the campus trolling for glazed-eyed students willing to blame everybody for anything …. And, of course, finding plenty of them.

You are a 19 year old kid …. Amber The Airhead Info-twit with CNMSBCN sticks her pair of 36Ds and a mic in your face and says “Don’t you think this is really George Bush and Rush Limbaugh’s fault?”  Hell, that kid would confess to killing the ArchDuke Ferdinand if it meant he got to sniff Amber’s perfume an extra 30 seconds.  Yessiree, Marshall McCluen would be so proud.

(NOTE:  My research for this involved a VaTech freshman (friend of Kid’s) who was on-site and my pal Hokie Jim who visited his alma mater on Tuesday.  When asked about the media, the word disgusting was used multiple time by both.)

Walter Winchell, Ed Murrow, Uncle Walter, Dan “I’m NOT a crook” Rather, and Amber Airhead, blow-dried Ken and then there’s all the flat-chested (or bald) journalists who have to work at newspapers or on radio.   Ya think I’m being cruel …. Take a walk thru the N&O catacombs.  TV gets the show ponies …. Newspapers get the plow horses ….. sorta like cheerleaders and flag girls.  Everybody knows which girls end up where.  Same with TV and newspaper journalists (cough, cough, snicker , snicker!).

In the old days you knew who to complain to.  You didn’t like something in the N&O (duh!) you go see Frank Daniels.  Now, feisty ol’ Frank might tell you to go piss up a rope but at least you saw where the buck stopped.  When Corporate America bought out local publishers (can you say estate taxes?) they successfully hid the path of the buck.  Yes, you can waggle your finger in Orage Quarles’ face but you know he’s just a harried manager trying to satisfy “the suits” in Sacramento.  Try to go downline to Melanie Sill and dozens of assorted editors and it’s like a Bermuda traffic cop running an intersection.  You finally give up … hurl an obscenity at the poor security guard at the front desk and say F-it.  Exactly how they designed it.   Repeat that scenario at every major metro newspaper in America.  No one accepts responsibility for anything and protected by a bureaucracy expressly designed to wear out your patience.  Combine that system with an in-bred vocational arrogance and America has got a septic field that has sprung a major leak. 

I will say Raleigh has a unique exception to this scenario – Jim Goodmon.  Jim inherited Capitol Broadcasting from his uncle and has been a most noble steward and civic stalwart.  He owns WRAL-TV5, Raleigh’s CBS affiliate and assorted other radio / TV properties.  If you really want to give him a piece of your mind, it’s possible but only for local coverage otherwise he gives you the “it was a CBS decision…” and then you’re SOL.  Jim Goodmon is a rarity.

Network TV and the alphabet cable channels is what REALLY pisses off most normal folks in a major catastrophe like Blacksburg.  You wanna believe it’s Mary Richards, Lou Grant, Ted, and Murray but it’s really some quite black-hearted beady-eyed types sequestered very high above Amber and Ken.  Incidentally, my research says most of them are short.  These scallywags could give a rat’s patoot about the sensitivities of the victims’ families or the reputation of Virginia Tech or the law enforcement staffers or … or … or anything beyond ratings points and subsequent ad dollars.  Now, they do wish the Krazy Korean Kid had turned out to be another Timothy McVeigh …. Snarly rednecks fresh from a Deliverance sequel have a longer on-screen shelf life than “Cho Whatever” with an imaginary supermodel girlfriend named “Jelly”.  “Jelly” will be better remembered that whats-his-cho.

Mark my words …. “Cho” will not stick.  He will simply be the Krazy Korean Kid when he finally rates his own card in the Jeopardy home game.  No doubt he will sue from the grave that no one remembers his name in three years.  He shoulda thought of that when he set all this in motion.  Even deranged psychos make mistakes.

So join me as we recoil in horror at the sustained media glorification of a deranged psycho who lurked within the Gordian Knot bureaucracy of our mental health system … until the maggots and worms in his head became snakes and vipers.  Blacksburg joins Columbine and Oklahoma City on America’s media tour of unspeakable mayhem. ….

“Thanks for that update, Amber.  

And now Ernie, what’s the weekend weather looking like?”    

   Oh, if you’re wondering where the ACLU is in all of this.  Those quite disgusting jackals tend to stay in their hidey holes for about a month or so until the public disgust has died down.  You can bet the ACLU is already hard at work figuring how to better protect the other crazy deranged sumbitches who wish it was their face four stories high overlooking Times Square today.

  • If you want to know if your son or daughter’s college roommate is a certifiably crazy deranged pervert … guess what?  The school is not allowed BY LAW to tell you.
  • That new kinda odd fellow in accounts receivable wearing a tin foil hat and one shoe?  He got fired from his last three jobs for hiding in the Ladies restroom pretending he was Spiderman …. But your company’s HR department could not BY LAW get access to that information.
  • That pleasant young man volunteering in your church’s youth program? …. He is a member of NAMBLA and has his own stall in the Atlanta Airport … but your church BY LAW could not ask those questions. …..

 “Oh beautiful for spacious skies, for amber waves of grain …”


Gordon Jump (aka The “Big Guy” at WKRP) 

ended his acting career as __________?


   My favorite college student, Kid, is, as most of you know, at The University of Missouri.  Guess what this week is at Mizzou?  “Asian American Student Awareness Week!  …. become more aware of our Asian American students”.  Quote Kid … “Gee, Dad, I’m pretty sure we are now.”  That’s my girl!

   Gawd luv the knee-jerk admins at Mizzou …. they are now sending e-mails to EVERY parent of all 30,000+ students on the campus every time there is a gun fired for any reason in Columbia, Mo.  My first thought …. “Holy E-mail Batman, imagine if Duke tried to do that with every gun shot in Derm?” 

   Krazy Korean Kid was wearing a backwards ballcap.  I bet he wore those long baggy basketball shorts too.  Talk about your tell-tale signs …. HELLO!

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