From Sec 100 – Row B

BobLee
January18/ 2000

… The last time we saw Eddie Biedenbach he was holding a basketball under his arm and watching a clock tick.  Eddie still has that rolling gait and curled lip sneer from his mid 60s playing days at State … From Row B in Section 100 (primo Napa Valley real estate!) BobLee OBSERVED and EXPOUNDED this past Saturday. ….. On “old fat cats” .… future UNC ADs ….  The Pale Rider …. Al Correlli …. Et al.

An impressive threesome for sure … Yours truly, Prince Albert The Long, and The Henderson Hottie HerOwnSelf … sitting nearabout “on the court” in The Legend’s Lair on Saturday.   These special invites to “the lower level” can get intoxicatingly routine.  How close were we? …. (note this picture!) … or Knee-high to Kenny George.

Kenny George is UNC-Asheville’s 7’6” #1 gate attraction.  Apparently he has some sort of “over-active growth hormone” – ya think?  …… which is like saying William “The Refrigerator” Perry had “an appetite”.  What was the name of that “really big kid” from Worcester MA that UNC had around for a few weeks back in the pre-Blue Messiah era? …. Neil Fingleton, thank you.

The game was “a snoozer” but whenever BLS is out and about there will be noteworthy stuff to report.  A walk around the concourse to find a spot at a peeing wall and then a couple of Beefmasters (with a thorough hand-washing in between, I might add), resulted in six different “Hey, BobLee …”s.  OK, maybe three of those were due to the leather jacket with THE BobLee Swagger in day-glo 12” letters on the back … and the two Bunny Hole Entertainment interns I hired to pass out leaflets.  But the other three really recognized me.  …… It can be disconcerting to be standing at a “peeing wall” and hear “That must be BobLee” …. I know how Phil Ford musta felt the first time he walked into an NBA shower room.

As we descended deeper and deeper and deeper into the REALLY high rent depths of The House That Skippa Built I took the opportunity to check out the demographics.  Remember now, this wasn’t my first invite to UNC’s version of a Gatsby-esque fete in the Hamptons.  “Charlie and Et” had had us over for the tOSU game.  ….. I wonder what its like to have to sit “above Row E” … aka “the nosebleed section” as the Figure Eight Tar Heels call it.  If I can just continue being charming and entertaining, maybe I’ll never have to find out.

The term “old” is perhaps THE most relative assignation there is.  “Old” is always 15 years minimum older than the person defining “old”.  So, using that as my baseline, I’m here to say that “the lower level” is maybe 15% “old”.  The majority seem to be quite studly dudes and luscious dudettes not like myself.  I rather expect if the ushers had passed out a questionnaire “where were you when Kennedy was shot?” the most common answer from “the lower level” would be “decorating a homecoming float”.

There was this one couple about Row H that I truly believe were sipping embalming fluid from those souvenir “blue cups”.  “He” kept turning to “her” and asking “what number is Lennie Rosenbluth?”  Someone said he owns eight blocks of downtown Greensboro.

Speaking of which … I saw “Call me Mo” Koury.  UNC’s most quotable fat cat.  He was standing on top of the ATM machine by Sec 226 beseeching anyone to “please interview Jim Donnan”.  

One guy calling himself “the biggest BobLee fan in Pittsboro” asked me “about the Mack Brown as UNC AD” rumor.  He was, of course, referring to a pre-Pale Rider Arriving rumor about Reverend Brown coming back to UNC as AD.  A coup to make this happen was apparently being financed by “the boys in the backroom” at Quail Hollow CC in Charlotte.  “Dickie Discontent” was at TILT level back in early October so all sorts of Machiavellian solutions were being floated.  My question to “Pittsboro fan” was …. “If Mack was made UNC AD tomorrow, what would you want him to do?”   A simple question that all Carolina fans might ask themselves.

Carolina’s got Ol’ Roy, Butch, Sylvia, Anson, and “Omaha Mike”.  The UNC AthDept bank balance is healthier than Jack Lalane.  Any Tar Heel fan “wanting more” is like Derek Jeter being pissed off that he can’t play the harmonica.

Other than a decade of festering “Dickie-hate” why should Prince Tassel Loafer even be a subject of debate and discussion any longer?   He shouldn’t be.  Let it go my friends … let it go.  It’s Christmas … let “visions of sugar plums” dance in your heads while Round John Virgin and Frank N. Cents “fill all the stockings and turn with a jerk …”

A sports movie is coming out soon about the Marshall plane crash.  It stars Matthew McConaughey who’s name is usually misspelled.  There are two North Carolina connections to the Marshall disaster …. Marshall was returning from a game in Greenville vs East Carolina.  A Marshall assistant coach, Al Corelli, had been a graduate assistant on Bill Dooley’s staff in the late 60s.  I knew Al.  Big fella … nice guy.  Every time an awful disaster like that takes place, I bet lots of “nice folks, die.

Hokie Jim passed on this note about Marshall coach Frank Loria.  Frank Beamer was asked “If Frank Loria had survived, would he be on your staff?”  Frank’s reply “No, I would be on HIS staff.”  Musta been a pretty good coach, huh?

Are all of you taking my advice and not sweating about ANYTHING The Pale Rider is doing or might do?  You shouldn’t you know.  Whatever decisions he makes about staff or helmet color, or width of stripes, or brand of coffee in the KFC break room ….. only silly Shineolas waste their lives with such nonsensical prattle.  Don’t be a silly Shineola.

South Carolina “Recruiting Expert” Brad Lawing only cheated before and after he was on the UNC staff.   NEVER while at UNC because … well because … uh, uh …. …. ….. …. I think it has something to do with Franklin Street being “really neat”.  Lets talk about something else, OK.

… like about Eddie Biedenbach.  Many of my fellow “not old” UNC BB fans should recall Eddie holding the ball at mid-court in the ACC Tourney in perhaps the first “stall-ball” game in 1968.  Versus Duke, that was the 12-10 final score game.  “We UNCers”, of course, “hated” Eddie like we “hate” all aggressive good players who ever wore a non-UNC jersey.  Was he “queer” or “a thug” or “a hood” or exactly why did we “hate” Eddie Biedenbach?

Later this week we have “a little surprise” for America.  BobLee and his equally evil co-conspirator “Beowolf” have been messin’ around in the secret laboratory buried deep in the bowels of Mount Swagger.  Update your e-mail contact list cause this one’s likely to circle the globe three times before lunch.

Speaking of e-mail lists.  We’ve about caught up with the sacks and sacks of Platinum Pals applications.  There was a glitch in our group list maker-thing.  I had Horatio and Callie check it and sure-nuff … traces of Dickie DNA were found in the software.  It should be fixed now.  If you sent us a “Let me in” and have not received any of the 6-8 Plat Pals messages, let us know.  The Platinum Pal population is now really really large … which is quite quite cool.

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In what business did “Call me Mo” make his many millions?  We kid “Mo” but sincerely appreciate his ceaseless generosity to his alma mater.  Attaboy Mo.

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    Billy Graham lives in Montreat NC.  Patricia Cornwell’s fictional heroine is Kaye Scarpetta.

   The Top Two stories in sports this weekend were (1) TO spitting on an opponent … and (2) The latest NBA brawl.  … All the more reason to watch The Food Channel my friends. 

   Many of you have asked … “that girl in the food pictures?” … Jennifer Hurt … google her if you like “incredibly cute little nekkid girls”.

   Our favorite academic bureau-goon “Tailgate Tommy” Stafford attended a Kwanza deal where some African woman danced a Koo Koo dance.  No mention of whether her “traditional tribal dress” was fire retardant or not.  Someone send this to Tommy.  Tell him BobLee says Hi.

   The N&O gave “above the fold” coverage to Chapel Hill’s screamin’ hate-a-lots AGAIN last week for yet another “WE HATE THE AMERICAN MILITARY” protest. …. but, “in keeping with N&O policy” they will not reveal “Precious'” real name BUT they are listing the names of the falsely accused “rich white boys” AGAIN. ….. Rob Christiansen’s coverage of John Edwards’ recent Pep Rally was classified as “a journalistic orgasm”.  Rob and The Breck Boy have been advised to “get a room”. …. to which Rob replied breathlessly oh, can we? … where, when?”

   Jerry Richardson sent out Panther PSA invoices last week.  The notices’ harsh “Pay Up RIGHT NOW or We’ll RePo your car and house” was probably ill-advised.  Dan Henning could have devised a MUCH less-offensive strategy I’ll bet.

  We have our SSays Special Christmas Column all ready for this weekend.  It’s a keeper for sure.

   Want to e-mail BobLee?  … [email protected]

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