Excuses are a Dime A Dozen

January18/ 2000

… BobLee drove four hours on Friday attending a funeral of someone I never knew … because it was “the right thing to do”, and no excuse would change that.  As civility in our society melts away faster than a snowman in August, remember it begins/ends with each one of us … and we clear the SSays In Box of various sports items that have built up this week … Floyd WHO?

An 86 year old lady passed away this week after a short illness.  Not too much special about that.  Check the obits in your local paper, happens every day.  This particular 86 year old lady was the mother of a dear friend of mine.  One of those “3 AM phone call buddies”.  You know … your car breaks down in a snowstorm … you’re arrested in a backwater town … etc … who ya gonna call? … one of your “3 AM phone call buddies”.  

The funeral was held two hours away on Friday morning.  The only question I ever had was “when do I need to leave to get there in time?”

I was not involved in the service.  I was not a pallbearer, usher, or doing the solo of Joyful, Joyful We Adore Thee.  It was quite likely that no one there would recognize me or note my appearance other than … “who is that big scary guy in the back pew?”  Except one person … Will – my “3 AM phone call buddy”.

Will is one of the most pragmatic guys I know.  As well as “most sincere” and “most delightfully eccentric”.  Had I not been there he would have absolutely understood.  As he exited down the aisle of the church with his family our eyes met as he passed my pew.  In that frozen moment there was no great surprise for either of us … of course I was there.  It was “the right thing to do” … and I could not live with any excuse I rationalized for not being there.  Never confuse “Right” with “practical” … “convenient” … or “least expensive” … Right is Right is Right.

Now to be sure I am a multi-tasker and the Good Lord quickly rewarded my loyalty to my good friend.  Remember what Mizzus Swagger said as we stood in Victoria’s Secret … “you’re writing a column on this aren’t you?”  Yes, I will probably do a column in the near future about small town Southern funerals … “Cottontops, Codgers & Cucumber Sandwiches” is the preliminary title.

As close friends gathered in the Fellowship Hall for the post-service luncheon, I did have another “character moment”.  Two horrid creatures slithered in … known very unaffectionately by Family Swagger as “The Two Evil Aunts from the Utter Depths of Hell!” (T2EAFTUDOHell)  YIKES!  Brunhilda and Hazel … how could those two witches desecrate a House of God?  I called Mizzus whose immediate reaction was “Oh Lordy, DO NOT make a scene!”  I assured her I was OK.  Mizzus told Kid whose immediate reaction was “Is Dad going to kick their sorry butts?”  That’s MY KID!

T2EAFTUDOHell are central characters in a story never put in print but waiting in the wings … “The time we kidnapped Mamma from the nursing home”

You have “3 AM Buddies”.  They are damn hard to come by in this increasingly complex and insincerely superficial society we now inhabit.  If you are somehow addicted to this website, it is likely that BobLee seems to have your wave length dialed in.  That includes “knowing the right thing to do … and doing what right”.  

“Excuses are a dime a dozen” … 

… but True Friendship is PRICELESS.”


   FLOYD Who ??? … Alas, the first Mennonite to wear a yellow jersey on the Champs de Elysse is now just “that dude that looks like Kid Rock that cheated in the Tour de France”.  The Tour de France officially joins The Southeasten Conference (SEC) where it is a foregone conclusion that who ever wins “cheated” as well as the rest of the Top Ten finishers.  Admit it, you wanted to believe Floyd Landis because (1) you despises the French because “they are the French” and (2) you despise the French some more.  But Floyd ran out of goofy alibis before the hated French ran out of urine samples.

BobLee suggests pairing bicycle racing with Pro Wrestling and home run hitting.  You know “it’s fixed” so accept it and worry about crap that really matters.

MEL GIBSON … Yo, Braveheart … GET HELP … Dry out and shut up! … and remember Hollywood holds Conservatives to a totally different standard than the rest of the celebrity degenerates in that red-carpeted septic tank.  Mel got pie-eyed drunk and said stoopid anti-semitic crap to a traffic cop at 2 AM.  The rest of Hollywood stays high on drugs and screams stoopid crap about Christians into live microphones every day.  But but but BobLee … That’s Different!  SUUUURE it is … just ask the “mainstream media”.  “Mad Max Mel” will pay a steep price for his stoopidity … while the Christian-hating Hollyweirds are applauded for their “compassion”.

Great New Website for all of you to immediately bookmark … www.hometeamblogs.com  … our buddy James at www.tarheeltimes.com is doing this.  James has linked to good college sports blogs all over the country for all the major conferences and schools.  These are high quality sites like his which we have endorsed since he began it a few years ago.  You can get up-to-date factual info about your school, upcoming opponents, or high profile teams all at James’ new site.  He already downloads the daily columns for you.  Yes, he includes our pals at SFN and RedandWhite as his NCSU sources.

You know I would NOT endorse this site if it included the glue-sniffing nitwits and 45 year-old rightfielders from the “typical fan sites”.  Check it out.  It’s all you need to stay informed.  Assuming OF COURSE that your day begins RIGHT HERE.


 Harry Carson enters the NFL Hall of Fame on Saturday.

Harry “invented” what trite football “tradition”?


BLS sez … Every neighborhood has a “Kool-Aid Mom”.  It’s very cool if she’s your mom.


    John Wayne as Rooster Cogburn in True Grit was “… the one-eyed fat man”.  Robert Duval uttered the quote.

    LOTS of new SSays subscribers lately … SA-LUTE!  Take a few hours and go back in to the archives so you won’t be shocked when Swagger’s laundry list of “strong opinions about ____” pop up in future columns.

   Our pal Prince Albert The Long is being feted on Tuesday at The Angus Barn.  His selfless career in Youth Ministry being recognized by his friends.  Of course we’ll be there.  It’s “the right thing to do”.

   Looks like Jim “Rasputin” Black is going down.  The Al Capone of the NC General Assembly may finally go down for leaving a $50,000 tip in unmarked bills for a short stack of blueberry pancakes at a Salisbury IHOP.  Roget’s Thesaurus does not have words to adequately describe Jimbo’s level of abject sleazy scallywaggery.  Disembowel this rascal in the middle of Jones Street with a rusty oyster knife at noon … and leave his exposed viscera as carrion for vultures to feast upon.

   … speaking of glue-sniffing nitwits … our pal Dave Glenn recently stirred up a mess of’em (CaroLoonies) with his interview w/ Chuck.  Gig’em Dave … gig’em!

   Several of you have asked the source of BobLee’s recent string of “best ever” columns … two words – Ginkgo Biloba.

    Want to e-mail BobLee?

 [email protected]

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