Erskine Hits A Homer!

January18/ 2000

..  I told you guys that Erskine Bowles is DA MAN.  Some of you whined about his past involvement w/ the Man From Hope … I said “just wait” … Well, today Erskine has demonstrated more common sense than has been shown around UNC since Hinton James dismounted 200+ years ago … and BobLee breaks a story about UNC Athletics … and you folks get it all for FREE!

First … about “that Treehouse” column … you good people done melted the SSays server.  INCREDIBLE RESPONSE to that column.  As any columnist will tell you … every once in a while the Muse of Inspiration simply takes over and all the columnist does is type the words.  A “Higher Power” does the creating.  That be the case w/ “Treehouses”.  A Kleenex shortage hit the Eastern Seaboard with that one.


    What did I tell you about Erskine Bowles.  I said he knows changes are sorely needed within the bloated UNC system and he WILL effect those changes, after he had time to separate wheat from chaff.  By by chaff … the “separating” is underway.

One of the business bromides I like to use concerns “advertising”.  50% of all advertising is wasted.  You just never know which 50%.  The same can be said about EVERY bureaucracy.

I will dogmatically say “One could walk into any bureaucracy on Earth and fire 50% of the administrative staff.  Tell the remaining 50% that productivity expectations for the department will remain the same … and within 30 days the personnel losses will be absorbed and production probably increased.” … With Government and Academic Bureaucracies maybe kick the cutbacks up to 65-70%.  They tend to carry more fat than a sumo wrestler.

Earlier today (Wednesday) Erskine announced he was eliminating 15 jobs in UNC Upper Level Administration.  That means in “his office” for those of you in Rio Linda.  That includes four VPs and six Assoc VPS.  He reduced the admin budget by 10%.  Just the term “reducing a budget” gives the average gluttonous academic bureaucrat a case of the clap.  It is as hated a phrase as what did you accomplish today?”  YIKES!

Erskine Bowles knew what he had to do when he walked into “Molly’s Mess” about a year ago.  The question was “which 50%”.  Believe it or not … “superfluous bureaucrats” are people too.  They have families, mortgages, and some even believe in God and the Baby Jesus although at UNC they are not allowed to say that.  Arbitrarily whacking off heads might work for the Queen of Hearts but Erskine Bowles is a BUSINESS man possessing both a brain and a heart (VERY rare qualities around UNC).  Terminating anyone is not a high point in any executive’s day.  If it is, the wrong person is being terminated.

Put this in perspective.  If you live in America it is a given that within the past five years your local School Board insisted a substantial “bond issue” was necessary to keep your local schools operating.  The usual “Never Raise Taxes For Any Reason” bunch challenged them … and your local school board’s response was:

   “If “you people” do not approve this bond issue we will have to (1) fire your child’s favorite teacher … (2) reduce the school day to just 20 minutes on alternate Thursdays … (3) increase class sizes to a minimum of 75 per teacher … and (4) serve only stale saltines and dish water in the lunchroom.  And, of course, (5) none of your children will learn to read”.

They actually teach that speech in School Superintendent School.  When queried about the bloated administrative bureaucracy they drag out a much-loved classroom teacher and fire her for the cameras … hoping you forget your question about the “bloated bureaucracy”.  But we don’t forget, do we?  As for kids not learning to read, that isn’t happening anyway …but the schools sure are “diverse” aren’t they!  Half the “diverse” teachers can’t read either.  Public education in America is a WHOLE LOT bigger calamity than Algore’s climate crap or “revitalizing a downtown”.  And bloated bureaucracies are somehow always involved … duh!

That’s not ERSKINE’S WAY.  He is cutting the fat at the top admin level and sending a warning that he expects it on each campus’ level too.  “Faculty squirrels” will be howling and running for cover.  Everyone knows the true reality … Padlock South Building today … set up a single-wide trailer in Polk Place and limit the UNC-CH admin staff to as many as could fit in the trailer … and the student experience would not suffer one iota.  Reduce Meezie’s sycophants by 50 and free up some prime parking spaces.  “Jonathan the Christian-hating gay guy” would be among the first to go hopefully. Repeat this process 17 more times thruout the UNC system.  Then start all over doing it again.  Anyone not actively engaged in (1) teaching students or (2) fixing stopped-up plumbing … get the hell off campus.

Erskine Bowles is just getting started in cleaning out this Augean Stable.  Give him your support … he is earning it.  E-mail him at the UNC website and tell him “Attaboy Erskine”.  You can bet the useless faculty squirrels are giving him a piece of their silly little pseudo-intellects.


   UNC Athletics has a new Associate Athletic Director for Sports Marketing – Rick Steinbacher.  Rick is replacing Norwood Teague who left earlier this summer to be Athletics Director at Virginia Commonwealth Univ.  “Steiny” is good people and a BobLee Buddy of long-standing.  Rick has been aide-de-camp to John Bunting for the past 5 years.

One of Rick’s strongest assets will be Michael Beale … UNC Sport’s Director of Marketing.  Michael has done an outstanding job for Norwood and has a very bright future himself.

“Steiny” was a fine linebacker for Mack Brown and also did a great job last year as Woody Durham’s color man for football.  Look for the goggle-eyed nitwit crowd to knee-jerk that Steiny being “a football guy” will mean he will “straighten out” all the wrongs with UNC’s sports marketing and have Kenan overflowing with “real fans” in no time.  There is a reason they are called “goggle-eyed nitwits”.

Despite the venomous manifestos posted daily by the afore-mentioned “nitwits”, UNC Athletics is doing remarkably well.  4th place in the Director’s Cup is a high achievement and considering both Women’s BB with “The Tadpole” and Mike Fox’s “Moochies” came within a smidgen of national championships, that is more than praise-worthy.  But, like Bush-hating uber-Liberals … UNC has a well-entrenched cabal of “Dickie-haters” whose sad little lives are dedicated to besmirching The Little Prince.

   The Dickster certainly has had his “moments” over the past eight years.  “Moments” that would not have played out as they did if Dickie had Michael Hooker as his Chancellor instead of goofy you-know-who.

Despite stapling his tie to his desk blotter a few times in head coach matters … Dickie Baddour has kept the UNC sports trains running on time and new facility construction with UNC Athletics is never-ceasing.  To be so blinded by loon-hatred to say that anything good happens “despite” him is beyond absurd.

Dickie would likely call security if he saw Yea Olde Internet Legend snooping around his domain but snoop I frequently do and I see a lot of positive stuff happening.  PLEASE do NOT tell Dickie that BobLee said good stuff about him.  I have a reputation to protect dontchaknow.


Great Movie Lines

“ … That’s mighty bold talk for a one-eyed fat man …”

 What was the movie and who played “the one-eyed fat man”? 


BLS Sez …

 If your wife asks you to “pick up some chocolate syrup and Cool Whip” don’t ask why … Just DO IT!  ………. WHATEVER her reason, you’re going to like it!


  Sean Connery gave that “Chicago way …” speech in The Untouchables.

  Larry Coker is suspending four Cane-thugs from the FSU game.  Last year at this time Bobby Bowden had a similar decision to make with notorious serial felons AJ Nicholson and Ernie Simms.  Bobby decided “the game” was more important than sending a no tolerance message … as a result AJ and Ernie, of course, continued to commit crimes.  And that surprises who ???

   In Norman OK, QB Rhett Bomar has been booted off the FB team for the oldest cheating in the “big time college sports” game … getting paid by Sooner “Fat Cats” for a bogus summer job.  Haven’t heard that one in years.  

   NC General Assembly robber barons ALL agree “we need lobbyist reform” … HOT DAMN! … thats about as meaningful as teen-age boys declaring “masturbation is a nasty thing” … in neither case do they intend to stop.

   Thanks again for all the nice responses to “Treehouse” … it WILL be in BobLee’s next book.

Want to e-mail BobLee?

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