Behold Three Wise Men

January18/ 2000

… It was hard to find them, but they were there. ….In the Sunday “Damn N&O” officially dubbed the “Carpet bomb That Idiot Nifong” Issue there were three stories in the sports section about  new area coaches …. TO’B, The Pale Rider, and John Danowski. …As I read each story I got excited that the future of Triangle college sports might NOT belong to the Lunatic Fringe…. Maybe the ONLY three coaches alive who do not list their favorite movie as “Patton”. …. Hooray!  That’s a very good thing. …. and, yes, BobLee discusses “Blacksburg”.

You really have to hand it to the ink-stained never-ever-apologizers down on South McDowell Street.  When they do a CYA, they spare no amount of newsprint to try and cover their past sins.  Indeed, the same sanctimonious yahoos that, a year ago, compared Precious The Psycho Stripper to Mother Teresa, Oprah and Maya Angelou …. And told us all more about the Long Island real estate market than had any relevance to anything.  Yes, those same self-righteous yahoos … have dedicated pretty near their entire week’s worth of news space to telling us NOW that Mikey Nifong was/is a bumbling idiot and that Crystal Gail Mangum was/is naught but a dirty-leg nutjob.  So Ye Olde Internet Legend was only 365 days ahead of the curve on this one.

In the greatest journalistic revisionist history project since the NAACP rewrote the Civil War, The Damn N&O is trying to cram a week’s worth of no-holds-barred Nifong-bashing into the record books so they can say “LOOK, we said he was nuts and that “the honor student and single mother of two” was really just “a dirty-leg nutjob” … and who really cares how much the Finnetys’ house is worth.” (NOTE:  The N&O crowd were the only ones who ever DID care about Long Island real estate prices …. duh!)

I’m fine with it.  Hell, I’ve been pummeling the bad guys in this since Day One and have my archives to prove it.

Oh, before we move on …. One aspect of the Damn N&O’s CYA strategy I must warn you about …. They want to make Ruth Sheehan out to be the Scarlet Columnist in all this.  I can’t allow that.  Indeed, early on Ruth wrote a quite combustible column on the incident.  She was only off 180 degrees but she meant well.  As Ruth acknowledged in her “Why Doesn’t Someone Speak Up?” column, she was, herself, a victim of a sexual assault while a college coed.  Her objectivity was askew from the get-go BUT she was also the first (and so far ONLY) Damn N&O columnist or reporter (or Executive Editor!) to do a personal mea culpa many months ago.  I get some of the credit for that.

It fell to moi to explain to Ruth that exotic dancers do not actually “dance exotically”.  With an urban street thesaurus in hand I had to explain how “an honor student and single mother of two” coulda ended up with the essence of five different men in her “nether regions” …. None of whom have ever played lacrosse and none of whom had names other than “John”.  I had to tap-dance around a few euphemistic land mines but we did get to the point where Ruth’s countenance declared “Oh My GAWD, She WAS Just A (insert the Imus H-word!).”  Ruth Sheehan issued her public “Yikes, I was wrong … terribly wrong” when the rest of the Damn N&O was still hunkered down in their root cellar hoping Mikey could somehow pull off the judicial flim flam of the century.

The Damn N&O tells you that they did a fine job …… the facts and public record say otherwise.  Do not forget this Triangle residents.  DO NOT FORGET!


   On to more positive subjects …. In Sunday’s Sports Section of the aforementioned sanctimonious fishwrapper, there were extensive in-depth stories on Tom O’Brien, Butch Davis and John Danowski.

     John Danowski is the new Duke Lacrosse coach, having replaced Mike Pressley who was immediately thrown under the bus by “Spineless Richard” Broadhead back in early April 06 when the Gang of 88 banged their first pot.

I read each story and found myself awash in a flood of character, intellect and solid citizenry.  All three men FAR exceed the standard image of “a coach”.  As noted, their favorite movie is not “Patton”.  They all read publications without centerfolds or references to Woody Hayes, Bear Bryant or Knute.  Their conversation is not a string of coachspeak clichés connected by the hideously bizarre phrase “athleticism”.  You get the impression you could have each of these three into your formal living room without reminding them to please not spit on the floor.  Each seems at peace with the fact that God has more pressing matters than keeping them gainfully employed; but that He does care for them as He does all the birds and other beasts.

Best of all …. When Tom O’Brien, Butch Davis and John Danowski mention the word Academics they do so with a straight face and with nary a snicker.  Woo Hoo …. Welcome to my world Tom, Butch and John!

John Danowski merits headline attention because of the maelstrom involving Duke Lacrosse.  From all I’ve read about him he is just the “special man for a special time” that the kids of Duke Lacrosse deserve …. And he is much better than Broadhead, the Gang of 88, and Robert Steele deserve.

I have said on this page before … my immediate impressions when TO’B and The Pale Rider were hired it signaled a New Era of Competitive Civility in the backyard blood feud.   They both replaced ex-linebacker alums with no head coach experience who, for 6 and 7 years pretty much conducted their programs like ex-linebackers with no head coach experience but with bushel baskets full of “want to”.  Hardly a week went by over the past six years without a verbal RPG being lobbed over the 28-mile DMZ known as RTP.  Both men saw a live microphone as a piece of gristle to be gnawed on and spit out.

It is ironic that both programs chose to replace their head football coaches at the same time and go with “grown-up types” with resumes longer than “really wants the job a whole lot”.   That the choices this time around were two men who actually own suits and leather shoes (without swooshes) is a tribute to both UNC and NCSU and the advisory committees both employed in their selection process.  They eschewed guys named “Jimbo” and assorted rogues with tobacco juice stains on their wife-beater t-shirts…. and unmarked $100s in their recruiting britches.  TO’B and Butch will fit in fine with their respective mainstream fan bases.  The attorneys, engineers, physicians, high tech geek-xecutives,  corner office moguls and junior wannabee moguls will relish the thought of a head coach with gumption and with wardrobes from Brooks Brothers rather than Ringling Brothers.  Indeed, the respective Fat Cats and mainstreamers are back in charge led by TO’B and Butch …. It’s a good thing….. a VERY Good Thing Indeed.

Alas, you do realize the bottom feeder factions will lag about 2-3 years minimum behind in fan evolution.  The goggle-eyed Shineolas will still be flatulating their bilious venom.  The only advice I can offer is, as always, DON’T READ SPORTS MESSAGE BOARDS.  Given the choice of “the boards” or “kiddie porn” or slamming your hand in a car door; go for the immediate physical pain over either source of mind rotting garbage.

I have not met TO’B but I did meet Butch and most of his posse last weekend.  These guys are cut from a different bolt o’ cloth from their predecessors.  It was more than a coaching change …. It was a culture change.  Butch has taken a hit in his physical appearance from the chemo.  His energy level did not seem effected but the usual physical effects are noted.  With just one more treatment to go, he should rebound just fine and be robust and rehaired by early summer.  One aspect to watch is the  “faith-based” overtness of this staff.

You know the total disdain I have for the faculty squirrels and the Carrboro crowd with their stated objective to destroy the American Way as defined by those of us who do indeed love The Baby Jesus albeit backsliding on occasion.  In a conversation with one of Butch’s assistants, I proffered that the Chapel Hill God-hatin’ Goon Squad would lay low until the team had three consecutive losses and/or Butch tries to lead 60,000 Tar Heels in a chorus of Amazing Grace followed by communion.  He laughed then said the Kenan communion is planned for the Virginia game on Sept 15.  This is gonna be fun to watch methinks.


   What an unbelievably horrible tragedy at Blacksburg.  I don’t know why God allows babies to die, tsunamis, cancer, or such unnecessary sh*t as what has happened in Blacksburg to happen in this world.  The world has always had crazy deranged bastards.  I suspect when we get down to just a handful of humans on this planet, one or more of that handful will be a crazy deranged bastard described as “a loner who kept to himself”.

As we all watched this tragedy unfold on Monday, I kept hoping the “lets blame somebody” gang would give it a rest for a day or so.  The world record for the “lets blame somebody” gang to be silent was, of course, 9/11.  They hid under their rocks and in their hidey holes for almost a week back then.  I have remarked often since then that we, as a nation, are now desensitized on catastrophes to the point that self-righteous agenda-driven maggots start bloviating as soon as the first satellite truck arrives on the scene.  Sure enough ….

Yeah, sure …. Lets bust the chops of the VaTech admins and local and regional law enforcement for not implementing their “What we always do when a Krazy Korean with worms in his head goes nutzo and kills 30 people”.  Isn’t that ops plan in the same manual with “what we always do when a bunch of grizzly bears take over the school cafeteria” and “what we always do when alligators get loose in the sewer system”.   How dare the admins not having a contingency plan in place within ten minutes.  Ya just know every trial lawyer within 250 miles has pitched a tent in Blacksburg and is sticking his bizness card under every windshield he can find.

Yessirree …. Lower the flags to half-staff … light a votive candle … and sue someone …. Not necessarily in that order.   Look over yonder … here comes the anti-gun crowd …. No wait, that’s the Krazy Korean-haters ….. no, it’s the video game lobby …… There’s two loonies carrying signs saying it’s all linked to the Repubs stealing the ’02 election from Algore …… Did the krazy Korean have any karbon kredits” .…. Was he distraught because Don Imus permanently scarred forever the lives of the Rutgers team?   ….. If the Krazy Korean had lived across from Elizabeth Edwards, would she have reached out to him in his melancholy? ….. Did the krazy Korean shoot the kid who plays the Hokie Bird?  …. Have any jackass idiots made Vick jokes yet? …. Barry “Bojangles” Saunders of The Damn N&O was the first classless venom-filled stooge to actually blame George Bush by name …. he won’t be the last.  America 2007 … so predictably polarized.  sob, sigh, sniff.

And thirty families have no recollection of whatever was troubling them when they went to bed on Sunday night.  Take just a moment from the ideological posturing and assorted stoopid conjecturing over the “they shouldas” to thank your deity of choice that your family was not directly involved …. And ask for God’s Grace for those who were.


Why is Charles Whitman’s name in the news now?


  Diane Sawyer is married to Mike Nichols who directed Carnal Knowledge with Art Garfunkel and Ann-Margaret.

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