A Good Man Needed – A Good Man Found

January18/ 2000

… I make no secret of my support for UNC System President Erskine Bowles….. “Some of us” can actually hurdle partisanship when we find “good people”.  This man is “good people” and merits the support of “the common sense” wing of North Carolina citizenry …. “common sense” being the key phrase here.  Fear him all ye Fops & Fools … Fear Him!

Such an “unlikely pairing”, as Erskine and BobLee does not simply happen over milk shakes at Steak’n Shake.  There were “tweeners” involved.  Some people who knew him and knew me thought such a diabolical union might be productive, or at least fun for them to watch.

Remember, it was BLS that once labeled Erskine “a two-time senatorial silver medalist”.  Ouch!

He read a few of my more incredibly insightful musings on how to save Western Civilization from imploding.  Meanwhile bugs were put in my ear that despite his choice of associates in the 90s, Erskine has the good sense and moral fiber to make a darn good Conservative but that was not likely.  A dutiful son not wanting to be responsible for his daddy doing full somersaults in his afterlife.

I had already gathered enough intell on the fellow to have recommended him on this website for his current position at least 6 months before the UNC BOG had the bright idea.  The UNC BOG relates to “bright ideas” about as much “as cats like vacuum cleaners”.  Chalk up Erskine’s appointment as those blind hogs’ “acorn” of the year.

Erskine Bowles and I share a unique bond.  Both of us have the peace of mind, at this period in our lives, that we are doing EXACTLY what The Good Lord intended for us to do with our time and talents.  That He designed labyrinthian routes to get us both here is simply His Way.

I’m not about to tell you all the stuff he and I have discussed.  The New York Times will no doubt leak it just as soon as they give Osama our nuclear access codes and the formula for Coca Cola.  My occasional (!) suggestions regarding a certain “funny clapping organ playing silent vigiler” go unanswered … as one would fully expect from “a true senior executive” which EB is.  That is the key to why “I like this guy”. “He is a common sense man with obvious “good raising”.  His daddy, “Skippa”, did something besides building The Legend’s Lair on South Campus.

My fellow Conservs HAVE to get over that whole “… worked for Clinton thing”.  Trust me.  Those two have no more in common than BobLee and Doug Dibbert.

There are several solid reasons that “yours truly” did not get the job that Erskine has.  That it would have been “a ridiculous idea” wasn’t enough.  The UNC BOG pop out “ridiculous ideas” like welfare mammas having babies … every 37 weeks.  No, a “fire, ready, aim” sort like me would have power washed 90% of the bureaucratic dead wood out of the UNC System by lunch my first day and celebrated with a messa wings at Chili’s for dinner.  Exciting to be sure, but somewhat impractical.

Unlike 107% of the humanoids in academic administration, Erskine Bowles comes from “the real world”.  Yes, he had some “silverspoon advantages” but he overcame them to succeed both “on the (Wall) street” and in board rooms with really big tables.

Yes, he married well … and so did I.  Mrs Bowles (or whatever her bizness name is) has deep pockets in her culottes.  Mizzus Swagger has great legs in her culottes.  Both are valuable assets depending on the circumstances.

The “Fops and Fools” that sashay thru the hallowed halls of academe don’t fool Erskine. In a perfect world, sure, you jettison that bloviating flotsam but Erskine knows it’s not that simple.  He will work within the system to make the system work.

There are two species of humanity that Erskine must deal with in his job … (1) academic fops and (2) political scallywags.  Imagine cleaning septic tanks for your day job and “hunting skunks with a hammer” at night.  Talk about “TGIF” … you know Erskine looks forward to weekends.

C.D. Spangler brought similar “real world” cred to the UNC job but finally threw up his hands and said “Enough” … these sumbitches are nuts!” which is, of course, true.

As for Molly Broad … well, like we said, the UNC BOG has a batting average that only Mario Mendoza would envy.  If there is a an bureaucracy more incestually corrupt than the California University System where Molly was spawned it would be a Latin American “banana republic” where everyone dresses like a New York apartment doorman and wears a funny hat.

That report we did a few days ago on that Lesbian Chancellor doing a 43 story header in San Francisco … True Story.  The “Lavender Mafia” in the Univ Calif system is so corrupt that Jim Black could learn something from them.  That U-C Santa Cruz Chancellor who made such an “impact” in her demising was up to her turkey neck in scamming the system for all she could grab with both hands and a shovel.  Believe it or not, the primary qualification for the job was “we need a Lesbian” in that position.  Rosie O’Donnell would have been an improvement over what they got.  Howsabout “a Marsupial” next time?

Around the country these days, the en vogue Chancellor scam is “Boo hoo hoo, I need a fancier free house to live in.”  Tennessee is having a doozy of a fuss over such an issue.  Don’t be looking for The Meez to play that tune on his little Wurlitzer.  Not with Erskine Bowles around.

The average University Chancellor circa 2006 does not have anywhere near the management expertise of a Wal-Mart GM.  No insult intended to any Wal-Mart GM.  Management is all about leading people towards a specific goal which can be both quantitatively and qualitatively evaluated and doing so with at least a modicum of fiduciary accountability.  Check out the average Chancellor’s Day-Timer

  • 6-6:30– Treadmill stroll while reading student newspaper
  • 8-8:30–  Starbucks for latte and a bran muffin.
  • 9-11:30–  Think about intellectual  stuff; order secretary a new desk blotter
  • Noon – 2:00–  Lunch w/ a greasy faculty nut about Stalin’s Birthday Party
  • 3:30-5:00–  Drop by Football practice for photo op w/ popular coach, try not to get in the way.
  • 6-8:30–  Cocktails & dinner with a rich old widow with a bad heart and a solid portfolio
  • 9-10:30–  Cup of cocoa while reading My Philosophy of Life by Jessica Simpson
  • 11:00 –  Beddy bye with Ipod playing “Loons On A Lake” .

OK, not all of’em like cocoa … some like Earl Grey tea … but otherwise, that’s a Chancellor’s day.

When “sh*t hits the fan” as it tends to do under weak leadership, the Chancellor breaks out in hives and hides under his/her desk until the info-babes and satellite trucks go away.  These spineless fops cloak themselves in pseudo-intellectual coveralls.  We “great unwashed” are supposed to be intimidated by their ability to tell the difference between a sorbet and “the Sorbonne”.  Baloney … ask one to “change a light bulb” and watch panic set in like Ichabod Crane seeing the Headless Horseman.

And one more thing … Be afraid you Franklin Street Fops & Fools … Erskine Bowles is President of ALL 18 institutions in the system … not just you numbskull Rapunzels in your Ivory Tower in Chapel Hill.

 I believe in Erskine Bowles.  He WILL make a difference, given time and your support.  He knows the difference between Mattamusket and Nantahala and he knows when fops and fools are blowing smoke up his pants leg.  PLUS … he has a curmudgeonly “Jiminy Cricket” named BL Swagger sitting on his shoulder with a sledge hammer and a keyboard.


All Phone #s in movies or TV share what similarity?



   Like “a Great White”, this website must be forever moving forward, or risk death by our own boredom.  In that vein we are introducing a new segment – “BLS Sez” – We will post our favorite pithy sayings of 25 words or less suitable for refrigerator art and/or scribbling on a post-it note and passing to a co-worker during a boring staff meeting … or whispering to your spouse just before falling to sleep.

BLS Sez    

Be wary of anyone who addresses their dad 

as “Father” or “Colonel”


   Just another reason to tell all your like-minded friends … “Checkout this website … I don’t always agree with the sumbitch, but occasionally this guy is simply BRILLIANT!”


   NOTE:  BLS has never met Chancellor Oblinger at NCSU.  He did take my advice on F-Bomb Alley so he might actually be worth “two plugged nickels and a hank of hair”.  Until shown otherwise, we vote that Ersky should keep Mr. Oblinger.  Most of the rest … “flush’em” and replace’em with retired Air Force Generals and/or Army Sergeant Majors who “served in Nam”.. 

   The depth of my disdain for these Academic Administrative Fops … I would kiss Hillary on the mouth “and give her some tongue” before I would hire the average “Chancellor” to clean my gutters. … and I don’t mean Hillary Duff either.

   IMAGINE if Michael Hooker was still around.  Ersky and Mike would be like Batman & Robin cleaning out King Augeus’ stables … kicking butt and bringing glory instead of guffaws to our state.

    Terry Baker is Oregon State’s Heisman winner.  He and Gary Beban still call each other once a week and say “can you believe we won?”

    Coach Billy Hickman … a member of Bill Dooley’s first UNC FB staff in 1966, has passed away at his Wash DC home.  Billy’s long coaching career also included George Allen’s Redskins staff.  I had the pleasure of knowing him at UNC.  There were some “doozies” on that staff … Coach Hickman was known as the genuinely “nice and sane” one.  I saw him last Fall.  A very “good guy” … Coach Billy Hickman – RIP.

    Get Well Peter Gammons … UNC grad and Cooperstown enshrinee, Peter suffered a brain aneurism on Wednesday.  Recuperating at a Boston hospital.  He is also one of “the good guys”.

   Fresh word out of Pittsburgh … Cowher family moving to Raleigh “retirement estate” THIS SUMMER in time for daughter’s high school senior year.  Will Bill soon follow? … Both WuffLoons and CaroLoons in full dillerium … Chuckie says “I’m jest choppin’ wood” (oops, that was that other guy)

   Still some debating within TarHeelNation over “who to BLAME?” … our second baseman or our first baseman?  Easy decision – NEITHER ONE!  Next question?

   Want to e-mail BobLee?

[email protected]

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