January17/ 2000

… Memo To Dawn Bunting:  Send out the dry cleaning, call the swimming pool installer, unpack the good china, and buy something on credit.  The next few years just “stabilized”. … Boys and girls, Ol’ BobLee did NOT see this one coming.  … I paid $45 for my ticket.  I’d a paid twice that and gotten my money’s worth 10x over.  If not the best game I’ve ever seen, it’s on a very short list. … John got his “burley” back.  And what about F-Bomb Alley (did you really think we’d forget about that?).

   First up … to all my Wuff Pals … JDan, Beowolf, Pack79, Mark, Larry, TomP & Ken, Leon – Kyle – Ryan, Ken, Spence, David in South Bend, IBTP, Charles and all you other fine guys I’m proud to call BobLee Buddies … it came down to the last play AGAIN.  Just like it should in “A Rivalry Game”.  They do keep score because it “does matter” but not really that much.  Please don’t kick the cat or make any major life decisions for at least 24 hours.  You all have wonderful wives, great kids, successful careers and Ol’ Swagger as your pal … that stuff DOES REALLY MATTER.  

   Somewhere in Charlotte … a retired referee named Jim Knight mutters a quiet prayer … “can we finally put Oct 9, 2004 to rest?”  Yes, Jim, we buried that monkey at 4:00 today right beside Ol’ Roy’s.

   To Wuffies everywhere (and we seem to have a mega-bunch of’em reading SSays these days) I apologize in advance for Carolina’s Howler Monkeys who will embarrass our university and 95% of our fans with their post-game trash talk crap.  Oh sure, they think “they won” … in truth, our Howler Monkeys are the same pathetic losers your Howler Monkeys are … win or lose … Howler Monkeys are ALWAYS losers regardless of which bandwagon they jump on and off of.  Let the respective Lunatic Fringes throw their feces at each other while the rest of us (Wuffs and Heels alike) get back to dealing with the realities of our daily lives … because the rest of us actually do have real lives to deal with.

   We wondered in pre-season, if what happened today happened, will Chuck’s red shoes and Oakleys quietly disappear?  Probably not; but maybe.  The Triangle Football World is decidedly a different world now.  Is Prince Chuckie still charmin’?   The answer to that has to be “well NO”  but to what extent?  Future weeks will measure that.  Tenuta’s defense waits next week and the sting from today won’t go away for, well for 365 days minimum.  Will Chuck be placing a call to Tallahassee to ask Uncle Bobby “Whatta I do now?” … 

And Uncle Bobby might advise him:… “trim back on the eccentric silly stuff and no more quippy bulletin board fodder because all that matters in your business world right now is TWO SCOREBOARDS … one in Kenan Stadium from Oct 9, 2004 and now one from Carter-Finley from September 24, 2005.  Maybe that’s not fair but you chose a very silly occupation and dems the rules … dadgummit!”

   What about F-Bomb Alley?  Glad you asked.  I did a live report with Dave Glenn from “between the two big oak trees” at 10:15 Saturday morning.  From all I could see at that time, NCSU officials did exactly what they said they were going to do … enforce the existing policies and have a beefed-up security presence.  It seemed to be effective.  I’m sure Heel Howler Monkeys will “report” all manner of scurrilous conduct observed and “heard about” and Wuff Howler Monkeys will counter with stories of random gangs of hoodlum heels ransacking the Fairgrounds.  Consider the sources of such wild and wooly yarns.

   Earlier in the week following our “Survival” column and Buzz appearance we did get dive bombed by a handful of Red-clad Flying Monkeys but we had the Swagger Deluxe Deflecto-shield in place.  They bounced off and were last seen careening past Neptune screaming “WE DON’T GET NO RESPECT!”  Wuff Flying Monkeys only read words that coincide with what they want to see … whether its BobLee or Dave Glenn or Caulton Tudor or whoever.  It’s their own DaVinci Code that detects the hidden “conspiracy” in every facet of their most odd little world.  But, again, only a very small % of WuffNation is in that category.  

  Lord have mercy, dontchaknow those cross-eyed sumbitches had conniptions when that reviewed play on the backward pass was called in UNC’s favor. Wheeeew .. I hear tell 37 of’em just emulsified themselves into kitty litter right there on the spot.  At least those 37 will finally amount to something useful to society. … again, we’re ONLY talking about the uber-loonie Wuff howler monkey faction.

   A maybe final word about F-Bomb Alley.  The ultimate description of it … A Wuffie Theme Park designed by a Tar Heel.  The behavior that has been on public display there was what Tar Heels have been saying for many years “all State fans are …”  If NC State wants to live down to Tar Heel expectations just let it stay like it was.  I think “the good folks at NCSU, will do all they can to change it.  We really don’t care … until another two years when “we’ll be baaaaack”.

   Gotta report two neat pre-game incidents.  Before I went on The Buzz at 10 I enjoyed a delightful mimosa and a waffle with Mark The Burlington Wuff and his charming Tar Heel better half right there in “the Alley”.  Lots of laffs and terrific hospitality. … I moved on to the LTR lots and had fine fellowship with Pack79 and his friends … and GUESS WHO DROPPED BY?  None other than #44 from Shelby … DT!  BobLee and David hisownself laughing together outside Carter-Finley.  Life is Good and even with the loonies, sports events can still be quite special times indeed.

    For the Buntings … only the most hopeless of the wuzzles will still be bitching now.  For heavens sakes please ignore those constipated mouth-breathing evolutionary throwbacks.  Really Dawn, you can unpack the good china now and finally go meet your next door neighbors. John just got his “burley” back.

   Sunday is Prince Tassel Loafer’s birthday.  He thinks today’s big win vindicates him.  Sorry Dickie but “Blame Dickie” is a whole other Carolina tradition … think Jubilee, Drop-Add, and Lasagna at The Rat.  Too much change going on around Chapel Hill these days; we need something to stay the same.

   Will today’s Tar Heels show up next week and the rest of the year?  Don’t ask me I was as shocked as Chuck was at the team in white today.  Today was not smoke, mirrors, and friendly referees … when Matt Baker led the boys back for those two countering scores in the 3rd quarter … THAT WAS A GUT CHECK … AND MATT AND THE BOYS PASSED WITH FLYING COLORS … and that color was Carolina Blue.

   Reality Check … the folks in East Texas and Southwest Louisiana officially don’t give a damn about what happened today in Carter-Finley Stadium under an overcast September sky before 55,000 emotionally charged sports fans.


   Cliff & Al  

   We have decided to completely ignore Cliff the Heel Lunatic and Al The Wuff Lunatic for today. Pack79 says he and IBTP ain’t going near PackPride for 24 hours … don’t blame’em … think Three Mile Island.

   When last seen “Cliff” had locked himself in his closet with a jar of Vaseline and a copy of the UNC Football media guide.  … “Al” is out in his backyard with a flint & steel trying to burn his pair of red shoes and souvenir go cup from Chuck’ems Sports Bar.  We’ll give our resident Internuts a few days to wallow in their reflective idiocy.


 Swagger’s Stumper

 Where does Gil Thorp coach?


    Alan “The Horse” Ameche scored the winning TD for Bal-mer against the New York Football Giants in “the greatest game ever played”.

    It can now be revealed, that the Tar Heels did have divine help today.  My good friend “Phineas T.” Teague’s mamma joined her Lord and Savior on Thursday … one more special Tar Heel Angel looking down from that Carolina Blue Heaven.   

    Lots of other stuff to talk about but lets just let today’s happenings settle down first.  Whewwww, I’m nearbout worn out. … which is how the scoreboard operator at Lane Stadium must feel too.

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