Those Dogged Victims …

January17/ 2000

Sports pundit Dan Jenkins of “Semi Tough” fame also wrote a book on PGA Golfers called “Those Dogged Victims of An Inexorable Fate”.  It could be about college football coaches.  Despite UNCers fervent belief that Franklin Street is Earth’s epicenter … Phil Fullmer, Nick Saban, Jim Tressel, etc may feel otherwise.  The dramas played out on the Saturday greenswards are guaranteed tragedies for fully 50% of the participants.

   UNC was beaten by 22 points at Tallahassee; and the general consensus among Tar Heels fans is “hey, it could have been worse, at least we scored”.  Carolina has lost to two unbeaten teams – UVa, Louisville – and now to powerful Florida State.  If ya gotta lose, at least lose to really good teams.  We have beaten the two teams we were expected (“hoped”) to.

   I don’t know about most of you but I got “carpal finger” yesterday switching back and forth between State-Wake and UNC-FSU.  State pulled out a squeaker but not before it became apparent that Jim “Whozit” Grobe can prepare a team of no names to beat just about anybody … and the Deacons don’t not have a single Miami Killian High graduate on their roster … go figure!  The Wuffies got the W and deserved it … but the quality gap between those two programs is a LOT narrower than any Wuff will admit to. … and Wake is one of those “probable Ws” that Tar Heels keep wanting to count on … WHY?  

   I do love to tell this story … if during the UNC post-Beamer coaching scavenger hunt four years ago … The Dickster had given the UNC Lunatic Fringe a choice of three guys … John Bunting (he bleeds blue and has a Super Bowl ring!) OR Jim Grobe (a low profile Dick Crum-type from some “small college” in Ohio) OR Jim Tressel (a Div II nobody from some glorified “community college” called Youngstown State) … the Loonies would have demanded exactly who they have now … the blue bleeding Super Bowl ring wearing “Dooley Boy”.  Loonies are devoid of elements … common sense, courage, and memories. A message board load of those idiotic whoppdoddles have about the same level of coach picking expertise as Prince Tassel Loafer and his Ouija Board.  None of the above should be involved in the process of selecting UNC next football coach.  … Regrettably there IS pretty much a consensus among the Tar Heel Nation (level heads and lunatics) that such a search is coming up very soon. 

   One of my recent columns got some lunatics on TheTarPit all tizzeded up that I was “defending The Dickster”.  Apparently they need to talk to a few of The Dickster’s cousins who have told me I am going straight to hell and, they hope, very soon. 

   It’s gonna be a rough week for The Rocky Top crew in Knoxville.  That War Eagle spanking will still be stinging when they visited “the Hedges” next Saturday.  Likewise down in Baton Rouge where Ms Lydia’s Bengals were soundly trounced by UGA and the Dawgs.  OK, all together now “Dickie turned down Mark Richt because he was a Christian” … not true of course but part of the standard mantra of Dickie damnations.

   The University of Washington fan base no doubt has lost any semblance of a sense of humor in their post-Neuheisal malaise.  I’m betting there are more than a few Puget Sound loonies ready to cover Slick Rick’s gambling debts if he would come back and restore Huskie glory.  You do know who their AD is these days?  The Wuffies’ AllTime fave – Toddie Turner!  Yee Haa!

   What about “the wreck that the Ramblin’ Wreck” is in?  Do you think Dave Braine has received any advice about Chan Galey’s future?  And those whackies in Clemson … the difference between today and one year ago is a $4,000,000 buyout to make Tommy go away.

   Northwestern chested up to the Buckeyes.  The last time that happened McKinley was President and the Edsel had yet to roll off the assembly line.  Remember the name RANDY WALKER.  You might see that name again in the months to come.  Not from the Lunatic Fringe of course; but remember that human debris will not be involved AT ALL.  I’m not declaring a Swagger’s Choice but Randy is on my “short list”.  Of course, I’m also on that same list with The Dickster and The Internet Loonies … of “people not to be involved in the coach search”.

   Alabama sure isn’t “back” … lets see … they hired “one of their own with a Super Bowl ring and no 1-A head coaching experience” … DUH! 

   Obviously David “Wal-mart” Wooldridge is back in John Bunting’s good graces.  I assume John knows more about it than I do.  I do know it smells from where I stand but I’m not being held accountable and John is.  And whats with the lineman caught in the park after hours?  I though we only recruited “our kind of kids” … ????

   I did some old fashioned “wuff gigging” two weeks ago.  It’s “a rule” that a NCSU message board MUST have a “the N&O hates us” thread in play 24/7.  Last week they had THREE such threads in play at one time.  Yes, that IS a record during a non-Jimmy V martyrdom year.  I jumped in to see if I could use their N&O Hate Festival to get called some new obscene names.  When the total of “new obscene names” reached ten I said good by. It took 2 hours and 18 minutes.  I keep a running total and it’s up to 43 now.  “Arrogant A***ole reached Hall of Fame status a few months ago and can no longer be counted in the running total.

   On a related issue … the number of obscene names yours truly has been called on TheTarPit and CarolinaBlue is 36 but since I was banned from TTP three years ago all those names are in absentia.  Hey … it’s a gift!

   I’m planning a pretty cool “Carolina – State Rivalry” column for Tuesday.  The columns I think will be popular usually aren’t so much … and the ones I ‘mail in” get rave reviews.  I refuse to predict any more.


Swagger Stumper

What was the cargo 

that Cletus Snow & Bandit went to get in Texarkana (the first time)?


OK … so every mammarian loving one of you remembered Adrienne Barbeau.  One old buddy got her confused with Jillian Barberi which is a forgiveable sin.

   BobLee will introduce David Limbaugh on Monday night at his presentation in the UNC Law School rotunda.  Yep, El Rushbo’s brother hisownself.  If you don’t know that I have a killer intro planned then Gawd didn’t make little green apples.  A Limbaugh speaking on the UNC campus and BobLee smack dab in the middle of it!  LIFE IS GOOD!

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