Surviving F-Bomb Alley

January17/ 2000

.. 5,000 or so UNC fans will be going to Carter-Finley Stadium on Saturday.  Every one of those Tar Heel fans needs to read this column.  If you are not going, but know someone who is … SEND THEM THIS COLUMN. They will appreciate you thinking of them. … ….   Usually we try to be silly or over-the-top satirical here.  There is nothing funny about today’s subject (actually there is but it’s on a different level than usual).

    Most of us have attended many StateCarolina football games in Raleigh over the years.  I go back to old Riddick Stadium.  I was on the sidelines with Bill Dooley and the first group of Tar Heels in Carter Stadium in the late 60s.  I was on-hand when John Bunting whipped Chuck 17-9 in 2001 and when Philip Rivers torched the Heels in the 2nd half in 2003.  I will be on-hand this Saturday too.  But I don’t park in the Fairground Lots and you should not either.

   There is so much to enjoy and appreciate about “the color and pagentry” of college athletics.  Arch-Rival games are especially exciting.  It is a shame we have to deal with this sort of extraneous crap, but we do.


NOTE:  This will disappoint some very constipated Tar Heels, but,; The people in charge of N C State University – Chancellor Oblinger, Lee Fowler, Bobby Purcell and their staffs – are “good men and true” … reasonable, rational, congenial and competent folks.  They have neither cloven hooves nor prehensile tails.  (so are the folks at Duke but I’ll save that mountain to climb at another time).  

   “Civility erosion” is an epidemic throughout our society.  We see it among neighbors, co-workers, and certainly among rival fans of sports teams.  F-Bomb Alley on Trinity Road is simply one on a long list of such situations.

      BobLee has had dialogues this week with Chancellor Oblinger, Lee Fowler, Bobby Purcell, and Agriculture Commissioner Steve Troxler.  Their responses were sincere and their concern is obvious. We believe there WILL INDEED be an intensified effort on Saturday to flush out and nullify the white trash punks in F-Bomb Alley.  That said, it is still up to each visiting fan to “play it smart”.


    The environment Tar Heel fans will encounter this Saturday is a nastier breed of hooliganism than you have dealt with in the past.  The “old days” of good-natured joshing between “Frat Boys from Liquor Hill” and “Farm Boys from Moo U” are gone.  Hopefully you still have such a “friendly rivalry” with business associates and social acquainti; but a much nastier element has emerged.  We blame much of it on those hate-filled Internet cesspools, but that’s just our opinion.

    The hooligan punks in the Fairground Lots are NOT mainstream Wolfpack fans.  They are also not “just kids letting off steam”. Idiotic statements such as “ALL State fans are $%#@^” is as absurd as “All Carolina fans are $&%@”.  Yes, Carolina has its own Idiot Punk faction but Kenan Stadium environs don’t offer them the public stage that Carter-Finley’s layout does.  Rational adults don’t think like nor behave like this ilk; nor do 98.5% of Wolfpackers. The “white trash punks in F-Bomb Alley” are neither rational nor, in many cases, “adults”.  If you can’t grasp that fact then we are overestimating your maturity and common sense.

  “Normal State fans” also populate this area and likely resent being lumped in with the “white trash”.  I challenge them to form vigilante posses and take back those lots from the hooligan element.  These punks are a worse embarrassment to NC State than Chris Washburn or Charles Shackleford ever were … and to Raleigh, and The ACC.  That VaTech fans compared the environment to West Virginia says it all.  When can we expect couch burnings? 

   Scheduling a Noon kick-off is a VERY smart move.  We suggested it to Little Johnny Swofford two weeks ago.  The early start will reduce the “get likkered up” time.  It won’t solve the problem but it will lessen it … Fifty MPs from Camp Lejeune wielding baseball bats would help too.

   If you are parking in the reserved lots adjacent to Carter-Finley and the RBC Center then you are “safe”.  The Fairground lots along Trinity Road where the fatal shootings occurred last year is the Ground Zero in question.  Obscenities are the least dangerous objects you may have to dodge negotiating this punk-filled mine field.  AVOID THE FAIRGROUND LOTS IF AT ALL POSSIBLE!

   New policies were enacted after the shootings but those policies are only as effective as the on-site staff enforcing them.  They were NOT being enforced at the VaTech Game.  We believe they will be enforced this Saturday.  Visiting fans in this hostile environment  … ESPECIALLY Carolina fans … should use common sense and enact their own safety policies.

  These loutish punks use this event as an excuse to pillage and vent their rage against society.  The following advice is not going to set well with you but might prevent a lot of unnecessary trouble.  

1.       DO NOT DISPLAY TAR HEEL INSIGNIAS ON YOUR VEHICLE.  Rams Club decals, National Championship bumper stickers, window flags, etc will target your vehicle for vandalism.  Many of the hooligans do not have game tickets and will be vandalizing vehicles during the game.

2.       DO NOT WEAR CAROLINA BLUE CLOTHING IN THE PARKING LOTS.  Do not let school pride put your family at risk.  Place your Carolina Blue shirts and caps in handbags or cover them with non-blue shirts.  “Turn It Blue” when you are safely inside the stadium among mainstream fans posing no threat other than to your ego if their team wins.

3.       DO NOT TAILGATE in this area. The less time you spend in the Fairgrounds area the safer you will be.  The hour before kick-off is when the hooligans are at their most belligerent.

4.       This Is NOT A SUITABLE ENVIRONMENT FOR WOMEN & CHILDREN.  They should be left at home.  No one has virgin ears any more but this environment is well beyond a rap video or an episode of The Sopranos.  

   “Dawg gone it BobLee, I’m damn proud to be a Tar Heel and no pimply-faced scum is going to scare me out of my Carolina Blue.”  OK, “Rambo” … Go get’em; but you better be adept at hand-to-hand combat with lunatics who are likkered up and loco.  Your opponent doesn’t have a law office or an operating room to go to on Monday morning.  He has no decent life to lose … you probably do.   

  Use that UNC education your daddy bought you … your primary objective Saturday morning is to get your Tar Heel butt into Carter-Finley Stadium in one piece.  I’ve already talked to your wife and she agrees with me.   … and leave the mizzus and kids at home for this one.  Women and children are prime targets for these cowardly punks, provoking you into the whole “Rambo thing” again.  

   As a Carolina fan you drive a fancy car … Right?  You want it keyed, the tires slashed, antenna snapped, and lots of body damage?  Drive it into that lot with your Rams Club decal and that I (heart) Ol’ ROY sticker and guess what it could look like when the game is over.  Borrow the wife’s beige Corolla.  I just saved you $2,000 in auto repairs.  You’re welcome.

   Once inside the stadium it will be the usual cat calls and bird flipping from louts and dolts in the adjacent section depending on the flow of the game. Ignore it. You are outnumbered 50,000 to 5,000.  Those are “Little Big Horn odds” … don’t be stupid.

   Post game … regardless of the outcome … immediately revert to your pre-game disguise.  If UNC wins you can celebrate for another year but AFTER you are at least 2 miles from the stadium area.  Remember the math … Only a VERY small % of that 50,000 is a threat to you in any way but even that threat should not be ignored.

   When you are back home safe and sound you can go on a loonie bin message board and post some faux macho crap about all of the wuff butt you kicked.  My promise to your wife was just to get you back home safe and sound.  I never promised to make you any smarter.


…Some of you won’t be, and there WILL be unfortunate incidents.  Saying “I told you so” will bring me no pleasure.  Share this with any UNC friends planning to attend the game.


BobLee was on “850-AM The Buzz” w/David Glenn on Wed

Hear it here

BobLee was at Wilson Rotary on Thursday…

great group of guys! … thanks John.


 Swagger’s Stumper

What “Horse” scored the winning TD 

in “the greatest game ever played”?


    “BobLee, why are you so torqued on this particular issue?”  I despise white trash punks and a passive society that allows them to fester.  Many of society’s ills have complicated solutions that get debated but never resolved.  This one is so simple to solve … (1) Triple the on-site uniformed security for this one “special” game … (2) STRICTLY ENFORCE the “new rules”. … (3) set a “Zero Hooligan” tolerance as the standard. … the VAST majority of reader e-mail on this issue has been from State fans in full agreement with us. … We had a GREAT response from every official we contacted EXCEPT for the N&O which indicated it “did not want to get involved”.  Apparently “violence perpetrated” sells more papers than “violence prevented”. They will, no doubt, Blame Bush as is their custom.

   True Story: A longtime SSays reader reported that State v Carolina week at his office got off to a rough start.  Earl, the resident lunatic Wuffie, is having to sell his $3,000 pig cooker to get two tickets for the game.  Bubba, the resident lunatic Heel, is trying to find Mrs Bubba who hasn’t been home since Friday.  Mrs Bubba is a stripper at Pure Gold. … and you thought your life was complicated …

   Steve Sabol’s daddy, Ed, started NFL Films.  The “Voice of Doom” was John Facenda.  The term “frozen tundra of Lambeau Field” was coined by Ray Scott. 

   Our pal College Charlie reminded us that “the surprise team of the year – Vanderbilt” is the school that did away with the position of Athletic Director … huuuummmm?

   OK, BobLee … enuff about F-Bomb Alley … who’s going to win the game?  I have two fantasies … one involves an unknown walk-on having the game of his life and leading the Heels to a come-from-behind victory … the other involves Ann-Margaret hitchiking along a country road on a rainy night wearing a man’s long sleeved batiste oxford shirt and a pair of Candies.  I’d settle for either one or both this Saturday.  Just like last year … pray for rain and/or Jim Knight’s officiating crew.  Yes, Knight has retired (and Ann-Margaret is 64!) but I believe in the power of prayer.

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