RUN, Don’t Walk

January17/ 2000

.. If Life is a never-ending quest for pleasure (Puritans and Amish notwithstanding) then BobLee is about to make your life a lot more worth living. … I have stumbled upon a rare treasure of the kind that will shove all your cares and woes into the “poof and be gone!” corner of your cranial crawlspace.  If, by chance, you are not an insatiable addict for “a rip-roaring read” then what the heck are you doing on this website anyway. ….. Plus, we share with you some rompin’ stompin’ idiocy that will cause you to ponder “should some morons be allowed to breath, much less breed?”

Indiana Jones Meets The DaVinci Code … that’s all you really need to know.  Ten minutes from now, after you’ve read today’s column and e-mailed it to at least ten friends; You MUST Run, don’t walk, to your nearest Barnes & Noble or even better, a small “indy” bookseller, and buy

7 Deadly Wonders 

by Matthew Reilly

    I didn’t say “you should” or “you ought to consider …”  I said YOU MUST.

I picked “it” up innocently right before Christmas and handed it to Mizzus … “wrap this one up and give it to me for Christmas”.  Books and underwear pretty much takes care of the annual “what’ll we get dad this year?” quandry.  I even pick out the specifics myself.  I pick it out, Mizzus and Kid wrap it and put it under the tree, I unwrap it and exude surprise and glee … it’s a bizarre ritual but works for The Swaggers.

I had never heard of Matthew Reilly which is both alarming and exciting.  Alarming that there could be such an incredible fictioneer that I did not have in my collection … exciting that by chance there may be others waiting to greet me down the road.

I started 7 Deadly Wonders on Wednesday as I flew to Nashville.  I finished 7 Deadly Wonders Friday night.  Saturday morning I went to B&N and bought four more Matthew Reilly action-adventure yarns.  I can’t recall ever being THAT excited from a read … and I have gotten pretty darn excited about some past reads. 

Matthew is a young Australian novelist who is apparently a true novelist-savant.  At 32 he has six major adventure novels to his credit.  The King himself, Clive Cussler, was a lowly ad copywriter into his 40s before Dirk Pitt and his NUMA friends appeared to him in a vision.

   I don’t know how better to prep you for what awaits you than “Indiana Jones Meets DaVinci Code”.  Maybe a soupcon of Lord Of The Rings-type “quest” … but it’s not sci-fi or otherworldy at all.  It’s not a techo-thriller like  Vince Flynn produces.  Unlike Indiana Jones, this takes place “today” but if “Dr Jones” was still adventuring he would certainly partner up with Jack West, Jr. … the one-armed enigmatic supersoldier.

Daddy Swagger played a literary game in which he chose a football team using great literary adventure heroes and assigned them to positions on a football team.  I remember that Little John was a tackle and Ivanhoe was a halfback but the others went to the grave with Dad.

I gather my own Justice League of Literary Heroes.  Clive Cussler’s Dirk Pitt, Vince Flynn’s Mitch Rapp, Lee Childs’ Jack Reacher and, of course, Stephen Hunter’s epic sniper from Arkansas – Earl’s boy, have earned Hall of Fame status.  I may have to call a special session to vote in Jack West Jr.  As Reilly introduces Jack … “someone compiled a list of the Top Ten Soldiers In The World … Jack was #4”.  Those other three sumbitches must be something else!

With a special prosthetic left arm, his trademark fireman’s hat, and his faithful peregrine falcon, Horas, never far away … Aussie Jack West Jr., and his crack team of international super soldiers, take on any and all challengers … nine intrepid adventurers keen of eye, tough as nails and pure of heart against the mightest armies on the planet.  Bet the milk money on Jack.  (Oh … Jack lost his arm when he saved baby Lily from the volcano after the diabolical monk kidnapped her twin brother, Alexander, from The Oracle of Siwa.  Max The Wizard built him the special prosthetic one)

As with Indiana Jones and Dirk Pitt; there are ancient treasures to find and mysteries to unravel from the cobwebs of history … and an ever-ticking clock as the fate of mankind hangs in the balance.

After the first 50 pages you will already be figuring who will play which character in the obvious “blockbuster movie” to come from these pages.  As I finished 7 Deadly Wonders I paid it my supreme compliments:

  1. I was disappointed but not IN the ending … but rather that the adventure had ended.
  2. I don’t want it to be a movie.  I know “who Jack is” just as I know “who Mitch Rapp is”.  No Hollywood casting director knows “Jack” as well as I do now.

You’ans know how much I like another “Jack” … CTU’s Mr Bauer.  Jack West Jr. is a different breed of cat.   He doesn’t rack up the body count as impressively as Jack Bauer but, like Bauer, you just know when the smoke clears who will be left standing.

The villains, led by the socio-pathic Marshall Judah,  are dastardly and cold-bloodied.  Their nationality will shock you.  Remember the author is an Aussie.  Reilly pulls a few literary surprises that will have you rereading the previous paragraph thinking no … that didn’t happen!”

If I haven’t got your pulse racing and convinced you THIS IS A MUST READ then I sincerely apologize because my failure to do so will deprive you of one of life’s truly special pleasures … a rip-roaring page-turner you simply can’t put down. 

I’ll give you a week to buy it, read it, and e-mail me your heartfelt appreciation for telling you about it.  Or else,  BobLee, Jack, Wizard, Zoe, Fuzzy, Stretch, Pooh Bear and little Lily are coming after your lazy a** in the Heliocarnessus piloted by SkyMonster.  


    Remember how BobLee says that jock-thuggery is cyclical.  If a new form of thuggery pops up, expect duplication quickly.  Jock thugs ain’t exactly the sharpest knives in the drawer.  They get all their ideas off of ESPN.  If they see it on Sportcenter, they will be trying it themselves real soon.

Remember a certain “stompin’” incident last month.  Sure you do.  Well this past week Mike K and JJ and friends went up to Blacksburg.  Sure enough another Hokie went to stompin’.  At least this time the stomper’s coach, Seth Greenberg, escorted the stomper over to apologize to the stompee.  Stompin’ apologies having proven to be an ellusive art form.  A one-game suspension has also been imposed on the stomper who is no doubt “an incredibly fine young man who simply got overcome by his competitive zeal …yadda yadda yadda”  … as always … it gets better.

An ardent, albeit incredibly moronic, supporter of the Blue Devils took great umbrage at one of his spirited warriors being stomped and posted … “that’s what you get when you let a no-account land grant football school in the ACC.”  … as you might expect, that caught the attention of one “Hokie Jim”.  It was alls I could do to calm down the usually placid Bard of All Things Blacksburg.

A Dookie whining about a basketball player “stompin’ an opponent” … let’s repeat that one … A Dookie whining about a basketball player “stompin’ an opponent”.  There’s a reason ALS is called “Lou Gehrig’s Disease” … there’s a reason elbow tendon surgery is called “Tommy John Surgery” and there’s a reason that “a basketball player “stompin’ an opponent” is called “A Laettner”.

(Yes, we did read that “the most-hated Dukee of All Time” is in some financial trouble; defaulting on a $300,000 loan!)

It’s reassuring to be reminded that Dookie idiots can hold their own with any rival idiots in The Triangle.  


    Ol’ Roy whomps Lute … and Lady Heels down Lady Devils in EPIC Game … if you missed it Sunday night, you missed “a THRILLA”

UPDATE … “Devil With The Blue Dress On” was played and danced to THREE TIMES in Cameron during the UVa game.  Just another notch on Mr Swagger’s bedpost.

Someone reported a photo from the Duke-VaTech game of JJ with his hand near a Hokie’s famed Chris Paul – Julius Hodge anatomical area.  If so, I want the poster rights on that photo for the Chapel Hill market.


 Swagger’s Stumper

 What group was Indiana Jones’ adversaries 

in finding “the Lost Ark”?


   The first Super Bowl was played before 40,000 apathetic fans in the Los Angeles Coliseum.

   A number of you have written in asking about BobLee’s upcoming appearance in Greensboro on Tuesday the 31st.  It’s sort of an invitation-only fancy smanzy event but if you REALLY GOTTA see hisownself, let us know and we’ll pull some string with “the Judge”.  

   95% of SSays readers are incredibly clever and curious folks.  It’s why we just wanna reach out and hug ya sometimes.  You WILL enjoy this book.

 OK … column over …NOW GO BUY THAT BOOK!

[email protected]

0 0 votes
Article Rating
Notify of
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Would love your thoughts, please comment.x