Politically Correct Christmas Nonsense

January17/ 2000

 WAKE UP AMERICA! … it’s that wonderful Thanksgiving – Christmas    season that defines so much of what is “AMERICA”.  But wait just a darn minute here … amid all the traditional crass commercialism and stress and the tendency to buy and eat too much … the Godless loonies are pissin’ in our Christian punchbowl AGAIN.  “Politically Correct” my Red State Religious Zealot rear end! … November 2 – WE WON.  It’s time to TAKE BACK CHRISTMAS

   It has almost become it’s own tradition.  Late November – early December, you pick up your local “non-partisan, objective” journalistic rag and read where some local dysfunctional nutcase is “demanding” that (1) school choirs stop singing Silent Night, (2) that the star on the Christmas tree on the town square be replaced with a bronze bust of Madelyn Murray O’Hare, or (3) that a UPS delivery guy must be fired for saying “Merry Christmas” to a customer.

   And what do you do?  You mutter “those damn politically correct jackasses win again” and you kick the cat in disgust.  Yo bro … 59,000,000 of us are kicking our cats too.  On behalf of cats everywhere it’s time to check this silliness.  As of November 2, 2004 Maureen Dowd, Carol Simpson, Tom Friedman, and their uber-liberal wacko compadres declared that WE had won.  Our “Christian fanatical jihad” was successful.  Let’s Party … it’s OUR FREAKIN’ COUNTRY … Let’s Act Like It! 

(OK, Dan Rather has still not given Bush Ohio but “Crusty The CBS Clown” has now joined corfam shoes and Nehru jackets in the national landfill for losers.)

   We can use that beautiful Red & Blue map to resolve this “I’m offended when I hear Away In A Manger” crap.  If those isolated blue pockets of Godless hedonism want to celebrate the Winter Solstice by blowing dope while watching Linda Ronstadt have sex with a stoned pony, I’m sure we can find an Upper West Side penthouse to accommodate them.  Through the genius of cable access they can pipe the video to any precinct in America that chose that lifestyle path.  Mine did not (and neither did John Edwards’ home precinct … hehehehe!).

   As for the rest of us (approximately 85%) we’ll stick with Burl Ives narrating Frosty, Cindy Loo Whoo eating roast beast, and Linus, Charlie Brown and a mournful Snoopy singing Christmas carols around that sad little tree.  Play Whoopie’s “F-bomb Bush” speech on Rodeo Drive and 5th Avenue during the holidays … but I want Bing Crosby’s White Christmas at the Target in Mr Swagger’s hardcore Red State neighborhood.

   These aberrant dysfunctional lunatics have always been a marginalized micro-minority and have NEVER been “correct” about anything … politically, socially, religiously or otherwise.  Who told you they were? (DUH!)  … the media elite who owned the printing presses and the TV cameras.  HELLO!  They don’t own my keyboard, my monitor OR my AM radio.  And they never will so long as BobLee Swagger and his buddies can figure out a Diebold voting machine. We seem to be doing that quite well last time I checked.

   I won’t even bother debunking that urban legend that “the Constitution provides for separation of church and state”.  No it does not.  The Constitution also does not provide for the rights of dysfunctional idiots to not be offended by Dillard’s department store playing Oh Come All Ye Faithful over their muzak system.  Do your neighbors and your country a favor … offend at least one overly sensitive idiot every day … nail two of’em on Saturdays.  You get extra credit if you can make one cry.  Send me a picture. I’ll post it here on SimplySwagger.com.

   If the dysfunctional idiots ever become the majority (which I’m guessing will never happen until homosexuals figure out the reproduction thingie!) I would expect to be offended by whatever aberrant crap they would immediately implement.  But WE WON … and WE control the play list for Dillard’s muzak … or at least we should.

   Like you, when I heard those fraudulent exit polls on Nov 2, I cursed and for a few scary hours imagined an America under the tyrannical control of Godless socialists.  But the Godless socialists got their Godless socialists butts whupped … WE WON … let’s act like winners and allow that Godless socialist minority to listen to some beautiful Christmas carols as they participate in our wonderful capitalist and Christian tradition of Christmas.

   Yes, I know very well where the problem lies … the dysfunctional Pompous Godless Judges appointed by the minority political party that currently lies in shambles in Hillary’s backyard in Chappaqua.  Yes, BobLee has a solution for that too.

 Cockroaches in Velvet Robes … Blog’em into Oblivion

    You read on a regular basis that “Judge Whozit with the 9th Circuit Court” has bloviated yet another idiotic decision that insults 85%+ of America.  You mutter another obscenity and before you can find the aforementioned cat to kick again you have forgotten Pompous Judge Whozit’s name. That is exactly what Pompous Judge Whozit is counting on.  He stays anonymous and pompous and does his dirty work … cockroaches in velvet robes.

   This is a perfect project for Jim Robinson’s Freeper Army … give form and void to these black robed cockroaches that are quite effectively eroding the foundation of America.  Between the Free Republic commandos and my fellow bloggers in the “Pajama Mafia”, let’s make these jackasses personally accountable for their actions.  Make their pampered patrician lives as miserable as they are trying to make ours.  Very simple my friends … listen up.

   Every time these arrogant jackasses make one of these blasphemous rulings, their name, face, street address, e-address and all other public data available on them should be blasted across this fruited cyber plain.  Alert their auto mechanic, their wives personal trainer, their barber, their child’s soccer coach exactly know who they are.  I have confidence that these judicial jackasses’ (and their families) lives intertwine with enough God-lovin’ Americans to make their lives holy hell 24/7. They need “us” a hell of a lot more than we need them.  

   Any time you read “a court” has decided that Little Johnny’s school cannot serve cookies with a star on them you need to put real names and faces to “a court”.  Same with school boards and the loonies that have finagled their way into those positions. These are real flesh and blood jackasses screwing up America … not “anonymous public servants implementing public policy”.

   I am not advocating silly civil disobedience stunts like those PETA nuts pull throwing paint on fur coats, etc.  I’m saying the “alternative media” commandos in each community should be responsible for exposing these judicial rascals within their immediate communities.  If Mrs Judge Whozit is checking out at Kroger’s and she hears “Hey lady, how does it feel to be married to a Godless jackass?” I willing to bet it will get back to Pompous Judge Whozit safely ensconced in his gated golf community.  

   Suppose the valet that parks Pompous Judge Whozit’s Maybach at his club leaves a post-it-note on the dash “Yo, Judge Whozit, my daughter was all set to play Mary in her kindergarten play. You screwed it up for her.  Rot in hell you arrogant prick.”

   Same goes for the little Whozit kids.  “Hey, Freddie your idiot Godless dad is why we can’t do that caroling hayride anymore. That really sucks, dude.”

   I admit that the genus for the above action plan was supplied partially by AnnaBelle the Swagger family cat who, while never been kicked herself, is sympathetic to abused felines across “the Red States”.  AnnaBelle also co-invented “the spork” so she merits attention.


 Do You Remember

Why “The Bumble” was not hurt when he fell over the cliff?


    Swagger’s Flick Pick … National Treasure … totally implausible which adds to its appeal.  Despite being a God-lovin’ Christian “zealot” I enjoyed Da Vinci Code which also involves all that Knights Templar stuff.  Don’t get caught up in the whole heretic sacrilege stuff … it’s a rollicking good read.

   Are you recommending BobLee to all your like-minded buddies around the world?  … and why not?  What a wonderful Christmas present to share all this cool stuff with friends.  Hit that Tell-a-Friend button many times.

   Many thanks to our good friends Thomas Lifson and David Limbaugh for plugging in their wonderful audiences to our little website.  Yep … the Era of The Elite Mainstream Media is over … Remember my friends WE WON … there are more of “us” than there are of “them” … actually there always has been, we just never had a way to reach everyone with the “news”.

Do Not Let the Pompous Judges and dysfunctional idiots take “Christ” out of your Christmas.

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