One Hu … Two Ho’s … No Coach

January17/ 2000

… A butchering ChiComm gets booed and the loonie left goes bizerko … In Derm more and more silly clowns just keep pouring out of the little car … and over at “that Canadian Bank’s arena” it’s all hockey because Lee can’t find a basketball coach.  … on a very happy note … “Just Holler …” wins mega plaudits from the “pier fishing” fans.

    SSays readers know BobLee doesn’t “not like” specific groups of people (fans) simply because they are not exactly like him.  If that were the criteria then BobLee would not like a sizable portion of Tar Heels fans as well.  That being said, BobLee doesn’t care too much AT ALL for the leaders of Communist China as exemplified by President Hu (Who?).

   President Hu was in this country this week.  In a public appearance at the White House he was “heckled” by someone who shares my dislike for him and his ilk.  A “head of state” heckled!  Has barbarism become the order of the day?  The Bush-hating looney left immediately jumped to defend the heckled butcher of 100,000s of his own people.  According to the Official Lib/Dem Rules for Civil Disobedience only duly-elected Republican officials are acceptable targets for “heckling”.

   I once asked an avowed anti-American Communist sympathizer (and Chapel Hill resident! … say it ain’t so BLS!) how he could espouse such an ideology considering how Communist regimes brutally enslave their citizens.  He said he himself was so intellectually superior to the “common people” that he was certain that when the communist leaders took over America he would be well-treated and given a high-ranking position of influence.  Yep … a tenured faculty squirrel in all his glory.


    Admit it … two weeks ago you were shaking your head and laughing … “this Derm mess can’t get much sillier …” Just imagine what it will likely look like in another 2-3 weeks.  This mosaic of human idiocy just keeps expanding.

   We do have to publicly note that one fact that so many have feared.  Yes, it is true … Mr. District Attorney – Mikey Nifong gained his unique approach to legal blundering at The University of North Carolina School of Law (’78).  Indeed, the same institution that inspired John “Prince of Poverty” Edwards to style his hair and tear up on cue, also taught Mike Nifong how to totally bungle a high profile criminal investigation.

   Triangle-area Bojangles are offering “a Nifong Special” … if and when Mike does ANYTHING even remotely according to the law OR even “legal”, Bojangles will super-size your seasoned fries for free.  We’re in Day 20+ and no super-size yet or on the horizon.

   We noted above that “the clowns keep pouring out of the little cars”.  Meet Kim Roberts … aka Ho #2 (“The Embezzler”) … not to be confused with Ho #1 (“The car thief” college student and single mother of two …).  Kim made a statement last week but after advertising “testimony for sale” on eBay, she got a nice offer from Mikey hisownself and changed what she might or might not have seen.  

   Kim stole $25,000 from her Derm employer (hey, a girl can’t live on ho-ing alone … she’s “got a daughter to feed” too!).  There was the matter of a 15% bailbondsman fee.  When Kim told Mikey she might remember stuff differently if he waived that little old fee … hey, what’s a desperate bungling DA gonna do?

  Remember, a Ho makes her money renting out her orifices.  What goes in or comes out of any of them don’t make no matter to her … just “show me the money”.

  Kim (Ho #2) now says she “thinks” she remembers “the skinny little kid” but “not sure if she saw”  the one who wasn’t even there.  If that sounds confusing you obviously aren’t following this case very closely.

   Did we mention Nicholas Alexander Mack.  He is “a Derm gangbanger” who actually KILLED someone.  OK, Derm ganfbangers killing someone isn’t exactly STOP THE PRESSES news in “murder city” but what about his $50,000 bail?  Wait a minute BobLee … didn’t Mikey put $400,000 bail on the two “rich white boys”?  $400,000 bail for suspects in an sexual assault scam versus $50,000 for a gangbanger KILLING someone.  Once again … if that confuses you … you really need to get up to speed on “Justice Derm Style”.

   Who is a more likely “flight risk” … a “rich white kid” whose parents live in a million dollar house on a Long Island cul-de-sac” … or a “gangbanger with a 9mm, a pair of Air Jordans and a AI replica jersey”. 

   If you chronicled this mess in a screenplay, Hollywood would reject it as an over-the-top parody of Amos n’ Andy.  We implied as much several weeks ago before the entire cast had made their appearance.  Now we got The Kingfish, Andy Brown, Algonquin J. Calhoun, Sapphire, and Sapphire’s Mamma.  Lightnin’ from down to the Lodge Hall should appear any day and why not even Kid DyNoMite from Good Times?  

   All the silliness ain’t coming from Mikey and Black Derm … nosiree … President Broadhead at Duke got jealous at the attention that the media was paying to Mikey’s daily blunders so guess what he went and did this week?

   Yep … he formed a 6th Blue Ribbon Panel.  Swear to Gawd … I ain’t making it up.

   SIX Blue Ribbon Panels in less than a month … the Guiness folks are checking that may be a record for academic lunacy.  This one is to “study” the diverse effect of not enuff diversifying by the diversificators”.  You da man Broadhead!  Is “The Meez” giving you advice on this.  Probably not … Meez is a “silent vigil” guy, not a “blue ribbon panel” guy.  Just as long as you don’t do anything significant that might really make a difference.

   Yo … Prez Broadhead if you want Duke students to better understand and “appreciate” Black Derm?  Easy … give every incoming freshmen the Amos n’ Andy DVD collection.

   Remember BobLee telling you about Reyn Bowman the Derm Convention & Visitors Bureau Executive Loon?  Reyn has his PR flunky running around the media village handing out commemorative crackpipes silkscreened with “What happens in Derm stays in Derm”.  Reyn misinterpreted e-mails he has received from embattled and troubled cities across America “thanking Derm” for setting a new low for municipal misconduct.  Cities all across the country now respond to their own critics with “Sure, we ain’t perfect … but we’re sure as hell better than Derm!”.  They are right.

   Readers ask me “what’s next?” … Me, I’m still waiting for Jesse to send Ho #1 that tuition check.  Will Mikey conduct another illegal search or maybe another illegal perp ID session? Apparently when Ho #1 was asked to “pick some perps” she was only shown members of the Lacrosse team … and her “instructions” were “try to pick the really rich ones that were actually there, but it doesn’t matter, we’ll arrest’em anyway.”

   Normally I would apologize for dwelling on this subject but this is a humor site and while there are incredibly sad and pathetic elements involved … it should be uplifting and encouraging to everyone reading this.  We all do and say incredibly dumb things over our lifetime … but DAMN, ain’t none of us as pathetic as the principals involved in this mess.

   Are there fine upstanding people in Durham … OF COURSE There are … both black and white.  So … where are they?  The Loonies are totally in charge.  In most cities, someone either in the municipal government or private sector would rise up and be “a cool head”.  Is Durham either a dumbfounded Broadhead forming knee-jerk “panels” or its goofball black muckety mucks calling for calm “until we can build the gallows and lynch these evil white boys”. … If Durham has “good men and true” … WHERE ARE THEY AS THEIR CITY BECOMES AN INTERNATIONAL EMBARRASSMENT and may indeed “burn” before this mess is over ??? … WHERE ARE YOU “LEADERS OF DURHAM”?


    My Wuff buddy Cal has proposed Pennywise The Clown in “It” as State’s next BB coach.  Don’t laugh, after Cal posted that concept on StateFansNation he got a call from one of “Lee’s people” asking what Pennywise’s “buyout” was.

   Folks, I’m clueless on where this is going.  I guess I’d go with Derek Whittenburg which would be a “Bunting-esque hire”.  “Whitt” could ride the “he’s one of us” sentiment for 2-3 years at least.  Steve Lavin WILL NEVER UNPACK IN WAKE COUNTY.  He has a certain media cache but absolutely no reason to be in Raleigh other than a re-entry into coaching.

   Jon Beilein is likely a fine fellow but would be Herb II … the negative impact of the “bland factor” should not be over-emphasized. At this point, the Wintrop guy would seem exciting to WuffNation.

   Ho #2, Kim Roberts, says she’ll take the job but nobody betta not call her no “epithets”.  Lee can reach her at … or at Desiree’s House of Pleasure & Accounting Services.


 Swagger’s Stumper

 What recently passed away comic actor starred in “IT”


    “Just Holler …” touched many of you in much the same way as “Pier Fishing” … Farmer’s Market … and WAFFLE HOUSE.  Maybe BobLee should just travel America in a ’68 Corvette, stay off the Interstates, and just tell you what I see.  Not a bad idea … not a bad idea AT ALL!  

     Me and Mizzus saw The Sentinel.  OK, not great.  Just because Keifer is in it, don’t think it is “24” but that’s what the producers want you to think.  And not a single negligee shot of Eva Longoria who is in it simply for marquee appeal.

   Speaking of “politics” … our pal “Tedensky” posted an Ann Coulter column about “the Derm mess” on a UNC loon asylum … the little lib hop toads went bananas … attaboy Ted!

     Kid Swagger has been watching those King Crab fishing shows on Discovery Channel.  Those guys make like a bazillion dollars IF you get back alive from a trip.  Kid may forego journalism for King Crab Fishing in the Bering Sea.

    Doc Hansbrough and The Hansbrough Hottie are planning summer nuptials in Maui.  SSays is the first website to EVER discuss Mike Nifong, Hu the ChiComm, Ho’s #1 and #2, Lightnin’ from The Lodge Hall, Pennywise AND The Hansbrough Hottie.  DO WE ROCK OR WHAT!

E-Mail BobLee at …

[email protected]

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