On Boise & A Carolina Bad Boy

January17/ 2000

Swagger’s running on fumes … three hours of horizontal sleep in the past 48 but the show must go on.  BobLee reflects on Boise … a Statesville reminder of what REALLY matters … and Carolina’s punter gives new meaning to “hang time” …  plus Miss Lydia shares her thoughts on Week Four.

   I liked Boise!  No, we’re not loading up the truck, tying Granny to the roof in her rocker and movin’ to Idaho … but Boise goes on to our list of “Nice Places We Have Visited”.  “Boise Idaho” enjoys two idiosyncratic credits with most folks … (1) Idaho is one of those “off the main highway” states and (2) Boise is a fun word to say.  Swagger spent three days there and will forever “see” it differently than before since I had never actually “seen it” before.

   I judge a place by its topography and by the general attitude of a cross section of its residents.  Boise passed both these acid tests. The topography is “in the foothills of the Rockies”.  It is NOT “in the Rockies” just on the edge of’em.  The view is not like looking westward from Denver but it sure is different from say looking westward from say Rocky Mount which is not near any rocks nor any mount.  The surrounding “foothills” are brown but somehow it looks OK.  The sky out there is VERY blue and very clear.  Their winters are NOT severe.

   Boise has 200,000 people and is “fast growing”.  The immigration is “folks from California” selling little houses in Calif to buy big houses in Boise.  Everything I saw said “nice place to settle down and raise a family”. I always check to see what folks think other folks think about them.  In NC, of course, we are paranoid about “that Mayberry thing”.  By the time a North Carolina kid poops in his first diaper he’s heard a zillion “Mayberry and Barney’s bullet” snide remarks from non-local yokels.  In Boise it’s Aryan Nation misnomers … and potatoes. 

   The skinhead Aryan Nazis nutz have a base up in Northern Idaho “only” 500+ plus miles” from Boise; but it’s still “all Idaho” to geographic idjits.  So imagine asking a resident of Asheville if they can see the Cape Hatteras lighthouse on a clear day.


   While I was out of town an “Oh Sh*t” broke over in Chapel Hill … Tar Heel punter David Wooldridge has been charged with shoplifting $500 worth of merchandise from a Durham-area Wal-Mart.  The immediate reaction from local partisan fans was “predictable” from the Wuffs but not so predictable from the Heels.  Our congrats to the Heel fans for actually showing maturity in this latest “bad boy” go-round.  

   We predict Wooldridge’s “hang time” will be AT LEAST the rest of this season, if not longer.  Bunting will not tolerate this. Neither the program, nor John’s reputation, can afford to trivialize it.  They will not.

   Wuff Loonies immediately started in with “the Wal-Mart jokes”.  Show me ONE, just ONE, NC State fan who does not shop at Wal-Mart, just like everyone else.  Even Chris Washburn, Charles Shackleford and Perry Moorman shop at Wal-Mart.  

   Checking the various Internet Asylums, I see a consistent “it’s too bad; but, the guy made a stupid mistake and now has to pay the price” attitude from the usual Tar Heel loonies. Commendable.  Tar Heel history revisionists ARE wrong, of course, in saying that Amato tried to trivialize his notorious “Twinkie bandits” from several years ago.  Those bad boyz were suspended for a year.  Chuck meted out appropriate justice when it was called for … as will John Bunting.  What really happens is rarely as colorful as the made up legends that the loonies fabricate.

   Wuff Loons, of course, immediately went into their famous “it’s another media cover up” mode … as they read the story IN THE N&O.  We must all remember that the best part of being a member of the Wolfpack Lunatic Fringe is terminal paranoia.  


   I had the privilege of being “the program” in Statesville on Thursday night for a fundraiser for the Laura Laws Scholarship fund.  Mrs Laws was a devoted wife, mother and active community member who died suddenly in the summer of 2003 from a rare heart aliment.  She was in her early 40s and left behind a Hallmark card family.  She had also been a championship level golfer at Wake Forest and in local amateur circles.  

   The Laura Laws’ across our country are the “REAL HEROES”.  One devoted “mamma” makes a greater contribution to America than all the power forwards, running backs and designated hitters in all of recorded time.

   The local Rotarians who organized the event raised over $40,000 to fund scholarships at local Iredell County high schools.  There are many rewards to being “BobLee Swagger” … helping out in a small way in causes like this is a special treat.  


Swagger’s Stumper

Where were there “8,000,000 such stories …”?


  Lydia’s Picks

   I agree with other sports fans that kickers should not, I repeat, be on scholarship.  Can’t the teams borrow someone from the soccer team to do this job?  There is no 5-second delay in college football this year, but it may have changed the outcome of a few games – especially in the SEC.  As sick as I am about LSU, I feel even worse for FL fans – now that was a travesty.  Just in case you were in the eye of the storm last week, “The Agony and the Ecstasy” was played twice last week; the afternoon matinee was in Jordan Hare and the evening show was in Neyland. Aaaggghhhhh….

   Fans in W. VA dancing to “Rocky Mountain High” after win last week – not my idea of a good time but it’s better than burning sofas. And don’t you think it’s a little too early in the season to be tearing down gold posts?  Has OSU changed it’s name from the Buckeyes to the “Luckeyes”  — jeez, they are the Jacksonville Jaguars of the NCAA. 

LSU V. MS. State – If you have two quarterbacks, it really means you don’t have one. Saban settles the situation this weekend against the Bulldogs who have a lotta bark, but no bite.  Cowbells not allowed in Tiger Stadium but alcohol is – to drown out sorrows of fans (of both teams) Bet on Russell as the winner as the Tigers look for a SEC West win and pray that someone beats Auburn.

Notre Dame V. Washington— Resurrection and redemption have always been a part of God’s school and I should have known better than to write Ty off.  The Huskies find it way too hot in South Bend and go back to the Pacific NW with their tails between their legs.  

UNC V. Louisville – Redemption, part 2, in beautiful Kenan Stadium.  MIA Defense is found — Heels fans hope they don’t get lost again.   Franklin Street will buzz if UNC wins two in a row – and they will if both sides of the ball show up. Due to Ivan the Cardinals have had two weeks to prepare but they don’t fly right and UNC wins a close one! 

FSU V. Clemson – The Bowden Bowl  (Round 6) is scheduled early this year and circumstances may be different, but there is no doubt that the Seminoles are looking to avenge last year’s upset loss. Clemson season rapidly turning sour and Tommy’s job is rumored to be shaky (again…) Mama Ann can barely watch and who can blame her? FSU will NOT remain at bottom of ACC standings for long and Tigers leave with another “L”.

VA Tech V. NC State – The Wuffies must once again face a season in which high hopes have been doused early. “Discipline” is on practice shirts but team has been penalized 24 times for 210 yards – and Amato is proud of them.  Is this a joke? VA Tech looking to prove it can be a contender in the ACC and Beamer and Hokies, although “Vick-less” put up a pretty good fight. I’m calling it a “W” for the pack. 

AL V. Arkansas – Bama QB Croyle goes down with injury just as tide starting to roll. Guillion (rhymes with bouillon) does not glitter like gold and AR QB Matt Jones (who is related to Indiana) beats the Crimson Tide for big SEC West win. Oh, how the mighty have fallen…

SC V. Troy State – 39 year old Tim “Pops” Frisby, a retired Ranger (82nd Airborne) will start for the Gamecocks. This walk-on wide receiver has served our country in Desert Storm and Kosovo. Talk about pulling out the big guns….and for little ole Troy State – David against the Goliath’s of Mizzou and Marshall.  SC wins and Pops becomes front runner for Freshman of the Year!


“Coach” Hayden FOX (not Hayden FRY) coached the mythical Minnesota State Screaming Eagles.  “Mrs Fox”, Shelley Fabares is a member of the “Guys Over 50 TV Hotties Hall of Fame … along with Connie Stevens. She kinda reminds Swag of “Ms Wanda”.

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