Omerta -Hookers v Preppies- a Local Midget dies

January17/ 2000

…. BobLee is back at Swagger World HQ along with satellite trucks aplenty (except from CBS … hummmm).  Bleeding Hearts across the Triangle are jumping to conclusions like frogs to lilypads, with still many many questions unanswered in The Gothic Nightmare. The possibility of a Tawana Scam looms larger.  Where are Rev JJ and Ol’ Sharpie?  Meanwhile The Littliest Tar Heel buys the farm.

    Swaggs bid adieu to Coachella Valley and red-eyed it back home Wednesday night.  When two of contemporary society’s most loonie prone elements (Sports and Racial Politics) unite, the KABOOM potential goes off-the-chart.  With info-babes aplenty and a “Duke blue” million bleeding hearts amarching and “demanding” you know BobLee’s just got to be in the mix.

Not ALL the mainstream “drive-by” media is camped out on Buck Duke’s front lawn.  CBS News is conspicuously absent.  “How come CBS News is the only “major network” that is NOT running with this “bad news about Duke” story?.  Could it be … that Rome Hartman (Exec Producer of CBS Evening News and Sean McManus (President of CBS News) are both Dookies … both “acclaimed electronic journalists” are Duke Class of ’77.

Say it ain’t so BobLee … “journalists” letting their personal bias effect their decision to cover a story … I’m SHOCKED!

As the America West Airbus hit the RDU tarmac at 6 AM Thursday I was “working the phones”.  A quick round of intell gathering from my local legal, academic, law enforcement and media sources began to produce some serious chin scratching.

Let’s reaffirm … I hold few societal factions in lower esteem than I do “Privileged Preppies”.  I’ve dealt with far too many of that bilious breed to wish them anything but ill will.  The thought of “Chip” and “Corky” checking into the Graybar Hilton rather than their previous destiny of a Wall Street Counting House is rather delicious to contemplate.  That Mumsy and Poppy can’t buy Junior his amnesty is fine w/ me … if indeed “Junior” is guilty.  In this case … guilty of rape.  The visual of Chip and Corky with their silverspoons stuck up their privileged butts works for me.

Unless you are a whiny knee-jerk bleeding heart campus loonie, there are no “innocent good little preppies or innocent skanky gals” in this whole mess.  There are a LOT of “knee-jerk bleeding heart campus loonies” within 15 miles of the intersection of I-40 and Miami Boulevard.  They look for such “causes” like buzzards look for dead possums.

It is accepted as “Fact” that the Duke Lacrosse Team had a rowdy party and that they had indeed contracted for two “working girls” to “entertain” at said party.  And it is understood that these “dancers” were NOT members of Alvin Ailey’s Contemporary African Folklore Ensemble. 

   The “preppies” hired “a couple of hookers” from a local Derm pimp to be “the entertainment” at their “party”.  The extent of that entertainment is a subject of which I plead almost total ignorance.  I say “almost” …


    It was at least a dozen years ago during my “community involvement” period.  Instead of speaking to Rotary Clubs I was, for several years, a Rotarian myself.  One of our members … a suave and flashy “single” dentist … hosted an “unofficial” club meeting at his North Raleigh bachelor pad.  Around twenty of us showed up … at least sixteen of the twenty a bit skittishly … for the “lingerie party”.  A cross-section of horny middle-aged community mover and shaker “dogs chasing cars” that few if any were prepared to drive home … along with three 5-star hotties and their “chaperone”.

    It was a dozen years ago but I still recall that two of the three “girls” were quite capable of causing a bulldog to break a logging chain … waaaay above “Hooters” quality.  For the first hour, the “girls” modeled lingerie of increasingly skimpier design under the pretense of a T&A Tupperware Party.  “Fellas, see anything you’d like to buy for your wives?”  Actually the word “wives” was decidedly never actually spoken as it might have adversely affected the spirit of the occasion. 

    During hours two and three, the “girls” offered “private consultations” for any attendees interested in a more personal examination of the by that time QUITE skimpy attire.  Had I known twelve years later I coulda used it as background experience I might have been less noble … as it were I played the noble Boy Scout and got the hell outta there.  No doubt there will be an extra chocolate chip cookie in my Heavenly picnic basket some day.


    Over the ensuing dozen years, society has hardly checked its rapid descent down the slippery slope of amoral group behavior, I can only surmise the nature of the “entertainment” planned for Derm’s Most Famous Lacrosse Party Ever on March 13 last.  

I have checked with a few of my less domesticated buddies and, indeed, it is not uncommon for sexual acts to be performed on such occasions.  It is uncommon if they are NOT! Based on previously agreed-upon financial arrangements.  Was there some misunderstanding about those “arrangements” twixt the “dancers” and the Duke Lacrosse Team? And where was the ubiquitous “chaperone” that usually accompanies hookers on a group party gig.  Think Shaq’s Bigger Brother.

The matter of the “racial epithets” is a curious one.  These were two freakin’ “hookers” for heaven’s sake. The virginity of their ears as well as every other orifice was long ago lost.  “Innocence” in any aspect of the male-female relationship is not something one encounters too often in the back alley world of ho’s and johns … even if the “johns” are “Chip & Corky” – Andover Academy Class of ’03.  Dancing nearabout, if not totally, buck nekkid in front of forty testosterone-overloaded 20-year olds might indeed produce a few ethnically-charged epithets.

   A house full of drunk preppies could get overly raunchy but no silverspoon preppie worth his trust fund would ever put his “you-know-what” up a black hooker’s “you-know-where”. He could drink a gallon of PJ and not get THAT drunk. 


   NOTE: The above referenced “you know where” does NOT refer to the traditional “missionary position”.  It is an established fact that “privileged preppies” have a distinct curiosity when it comes to multi-ethnic intercourse. As to exactly why that is we must defer to anthropological psychologists and/or the marketing gurus at J. Crew.


    Another reason I’m thinking “there’s more to this than meets the bleeding heart” is the absence thus far of Reverend JJ and/or Ol’ Sharpie.  Ya gots to figure one or both notorious camera hogs would be on-site and pontificating to beat the band by now.  But Ol’ Sharpie especially can not afford involvement in another Tawana Brawley scam.  Has Reverend Al done his due diligence on this one and he smells a scam?

Another reason is Chapel Hill defense attorney extrordinaire Joe Cheshire.  My barrister buddies say Joe is THE BEST if you’re holding a smoking gun when the cops arrive on the scene, but you didn’t do it.  Hire Wade Smith if you did “do it” and have to plea bargain, but hire Joe if you’re innocent and need to beat a pile of incriminating evidence.  Joe Cheshire is attorney of record for one of the Lax captains.  Joe already lost one case this millenium … one of the F-Bomb Alley shooters … he won’t risk another.  Joe must know something that the bleeding heart mob doesn’t know. Duh … ya think?

Beyond Joe, every prominent Derm defense attorney is also now involved on the side of the Preppies.  The retainers being cashed this week might equal a semester’s tuition at “Rutty Tut Tut Used To Be Trinity, Now It’s Duke”

    Prehaps the best evidence that this could indeed be “Another Tawana Scam” is the vociferousness of the campus knee-jerk protestors.  The Triangle area has beaucoups of woeful Cindy Sheehan wannabees and assorted “hippies and deadheads” with absolutely nothing better to do than rail against “the man” especially considering “Chip’s” Daddy is likely “a rich country club Republican”.  The more vociferous the bleeding hearts mob chorus, the less likely they are backing a winner.  “Bleeding hearts” rely on emotion since facts are rarely if ever on their side.

Remember now … I would indeed love to see Chip & Corky sodomized with their own silverspoons if they are guilty … but this could be driven more by a DA up for re-election and a black community with a permanent chip on its shoulder (pun intended).  As for Duke’s reputation ???  What’s changed?  

   “Duke” has no problem with Coach K screaming F-bombs on national TV …

… Whats a few lacrosse players using “the n word”?

Want to talk about Omerta” … the “code of silence” being so criticized relative to the lacrosse team’s unwillingness to finger the perps in their midst.  Wednesday’s USAToday had a very timely cover story on “Omerta” within the black urban society nationwide relative to their unwillingness to “snitch” on drug dealers and gang bangers.  If it’s OK for the black community to “protect it’s own” how come it’s not OK for lacrosse teammates to protect each other.  I’m just asking the question, folks … draw your own conclusions. Wonder what Barry Saunders w/ the N&O would say to that … huh, Barry?

When all is said and done expect no criminal convictions but lingering civil suits and LOTS of attention from the drive-by media (except for CBS) for quite a while, at least until the first hurricane of the season or when Nancy Pelosi personally captures Ossama, whichever comes first.  Derm will end up with an even more tarnished reputation as a city with permanent socio-cultural diarrhea … and Duke will be seen as a snooty academic enclave that can buy whatever image it wants for itself.  The hookers will make the rounds of Oprah and CNN; and Chip & Corky will take a year off to backpack across Nepal before quietly transferring to NYU.

One of our more “zealous” Wuff readers is complaining that if this had been State players it would be getting massive coverage … implying it is “being covered up” since it is Duke.  I’m sure this Wuff’s concept of “being covered-up” is little consolation to Duke alum around the world being beseiged by the daily stories.

When Duke BB comes to the RBC next season a handful of Wuffies will try to be Cameron Crazy wannabees with some convoluted reference to this mess; but their efforts will be amateurish and unappreciated.  UNC will return to its own silliness of Mad Mo The Non-Terrorist and trying to find that elusive Arboretum killer from 1965 … and the Derm pimp that sent the girls to the party will up his rates by 25% due to his resultant celebrity status.

Duke Elites … Derm’s Black Community … Hookers … Privileged Preppies … Bleedin’ Heart Libs … 

Phooey on the whole lot of’em.


    Meanwhile over in Chapel Hill, Billy Arthur, the village’s most famous midget/dwarf, has passed away.  We never met Billy Arthur but we hear he was a very very nice little fellow.  Billy was a UNC cheerleader back in the pre-Choo Choo era and ran a hobby shop at Eastgate Village.  He was in his 90s.  Chapel Hill cultivates eccentric characters … losing its most famous midget/dwarf will not adversely effect Chapel Hill as much as it might a “normal” community.


 Swagger’s Stumper

 What “State” is most closely associated with Lacrosse?


    Burgess Meredith played The Penguin and Mickey, Rocky’s Trainer.  I knew a guy in Kansas City that could “do” a perfect “Mickey”.

    In my LPGA coverage I forgot to mention Christina Kim … one of my personal faves.  Maybe THE BEST personality on the LPGA Tour.  She has lost 30 pounds but not an ounce of her cheerfulness and fun-loving.  If you are lucky enough to draw her for a Pro Am partner, you will have a ball. 

   BLS will be at the Annual UNC FB Lettermen’s Reunion Tonight … wonder if Marv and Fresno Frank will say hello?

A parlour game for this weekend … every time you hear a reference to Katrina victims relative to the LSU men and women’s team’s “motivation”, take a swig of your game-watching beverage of choice.

   Watch IVORY on Sunday in the NCAA semis.  OK, you can watch Coach G’s Duke ladies too, but definitely watch IVORY.

E-mail BobLee at

[email protected]

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