Now What ???

January17/ 2000

… It is a win-win-win-win.  Herb leaves, on his own, for a less challenging challenge at Arizona State …. The adults charged with the daily fiduciary responsibility of running NCSU will NOT write a “choke a horse” severance check …. The rational faction of NC State BB fans get to experience “the thrill of a new beginning” …. The “Wuffoons” think they “ran him off” … and slightly to the west two guys named Roy and Mike are shrugging and saying “whatever”.  BobLee examines “a Herb-less Triangle sports scene” hypothesizing “Now What” …..

    Lee Fowler (or “Jethro” as the wuffoonies have labeled him) managed to save NC State multi-millions of $$$$.  That is part of his job responsibilities.  Unlike his counterpart up in Charlottesville, (and even Little Johnny w/ Crum) Lee will not be “paying off” a dismissed Herb for many years into the future.  The rabid bats don’t care about such things of course, but the rational adults do … and the rational adults have NOT ceded control of NC State University to the mob o’morons YET.

Herb and the Family Sendek are headed to the Valley of The Sun.  In his new desert world he will find that college basketball has a different socio-cultural ranking among the locals.  Not even in the Top Ten …. well behind:

  1. Sure it’s 120 but it’s a “dry heat”.
  2. The length of Steve Nash’s hair and/or status of Amare’s knee
  3. How dumb IS Cardinal owner Bill Bidwell
  4. Who shot Pat Tillman?
  5. Spotting Phil Mickleson’s wife at “The Bird’s Nest”.
  6. Was Gonzo “on the juice” when he hit 50+ dingers
  7. Is Lute “the Anti-Christ” 
  8. Still gloating over their 1971 Peach Bowl win over UNC
  9. Who really controls the state … the “mob” or illegal aliens?
  10. Which side of his mouth is John McCain talking out of today?

ASU is known for beaucoups of tanned coed hotties of which few if any care much about Sun Devil basketball.  Herb can “chop wood” and run the “not Princeton offense” and “be a nice guy” and “graduate players” and “not be Jimmy V” and not have to endure the suffocating burden of having Godzilla and King Kong living in his same cul-de-sac.


    Meanwhile back at The Brickyard …

Lee may not have the saviest of public relations instincts but hopefully he will NOT “pull a Dickie” and say “I am the only AD in America that does not have a “short list” of coaching possibilities in my desk drawer.”  Also hopefully he will NOT issue another “open letter” to the loonies. NO LEE NO!

Lee Fowler and Chancellor Oblinger are “good men” so Mr Swagger is going to offer a few “suggestions” as they move quickly to replace Herb.

Rule #1 – 50:  TOTALLY IGNORE THE LUNATIC FRINGE.  Do NOT dare “check out” or any other gurgling cyber cesspool of human idiocy.  If you form the ubiquitous “search committee” do not allow any of your committee to “check out” those sado-masochistic castration parlours.  

   There ARE two websites where you CAN gauge the thoughts of LEGITIMATE Wolfpack rank & file fans.  Those two sites are


   There are folks even there that don’t like you very much. Lee, but at least those fans have all their chromosomes.

Rule 51:  If you do the “search committee” route, find a couple of rational “former players” to include.  Exclude elongated Christmas tree salesmen from Newland.  Also exclude anyone named Anton Muhlebauer or any troubled former #1 draft choices from Hickory.  “Amphibians” probably don’t make good “search committee” members either.  There are many fine former State players to choice from.  Make sure one is African-American.  Make sure they understand about Rules 1-50.

 Rule 52:  NCSU is not UNC so you don’t have to go nutso with the diversity crap on your committee.  Don’t waste a vote on dyslectic transsexual Islamic dwarfs or flaming lesbos who hates sports.  Pick a handful of people “loyal” to NCSU and used to reaching a conscensus in a room full of like-minded adults.  Pick folks from different eras.

Rule 53:  Do not give out ANY possible names under consideration … zip, zero, nada.  The Wuffoonies are not going to like whoever you select any way … don’t make their wretched little lives any easier.  They are already hyper-ventilating over a rumor that Jimmy V’s coffin is empty and he was seen at Brueggar’s Bagels on High House Road in Cary early Sunday morning.

Rule 54:  Don’t automatically exclude any living possibilities.  The phrase “he would never come here” should not be allowed in the discussion.  Who knows … maybe Phil Jackson or Pat Riley would like barbecue and a big ol’ Tara-esque mansion next to Bill Cowher’s.

Rule 55:  Personally I would go for “the next Billy Donovan” … a relatively “young guy” (40ish) with a dagger in his teeth and a chip on his shoulder … (a contrast to the two late 50-ish micro-managers in the neighborhood) who has at least three years of notable head coaching experience on top of a pedigree of assisting a “name coach”.  Whoever you get HAS to have an engaging public persona.  One-on-one charm is all well and good but he HAS to have a streak of “outrageousness” in him.  That does not mean silly sunglasses and red shoes, but I’m pretty sure you’ve learned that lesson already.  His name does NOT have to end in a vowel to be “colorful” by the way.

Rule 56:  Just as you exclude your own loon faction, ignore rival fans for goodness sakes.  Whoever you get will be a “no-good lying, cheating, hoodlum-recruiting, second-rate loser in rival fans beady crossed-eyes.

Rule 57:  Unless you do go with a legacy hire (Monte, Sidney, Nate, Sean, etc) whoever you get will NOT fully understand the reality of this market.  No rivalry situation they have ever been connected with can compare in verocity.  If they dare to say “I understand it’s pretty intense on Tobacco Road” they DON’T really understand.  You don’t really understand it either Lee so be sure they chat with Smedes and Stroud and Larry and Bobby and Pucillo and Corchiani.

Rule 58:  THE biggest issue on everyone’s mind will not be “can he win” or even “will it be run-gun or another “not Princeton” offense”.  The biggest question is going to be “what kind of kids is he going to be bringing in here?”  Before you introduce him at an RBC press conference, his graduation rate and his recruiting style will be public knowledge in every sports bar within 50 miles of I-40 amd Miami Blvd.  Sure, Wuffoons could care less … fine with them if he brings in serial felons all driving loaded Escalades with crackpipes and 9mms hidden under every seat … but your rank & file DO CARE.  “Big Time” college sports drips hypocrisy.  EVERYBODY sneaks in a few “marginal kids” (Yes, EVERYBODY!) but in this Triangle petri dish he better be REAL slick about it.

Good luck to you Lee.  You know how to reach me if you wanna grab a coffee some morning to “just talk”.  Call Leon … he has my direct line.


 Swagger’s Stumper

This goof ball played “Ensign Parker”.  Who was he?

Who was his commanding officer?


    The Lacrosse “State” is Maryland although most of the Duke “bad boyz” are from New York/New Jersey.

    We had a terrific time at the Annual UNC Football Lettermen’s Reunion.  Saturday morning you could have witnessed BLS, #23 from Garden City, “Space Cowboy”, “The Old Trenchfighter”, Battle, Chip, Louie, and “Bear” retelling oft-told tales of halcyon days of yore … that get more colorful with each telling.  “Burly John” even introduced BobLee to the assembled multitude at the Friday night fete.  My story about “how far is it from Franklin Street to Barcelona Spain” generated a roomful of nods and yucks. 

   You think BobLee is tough on “the Lunatic Fringe” ???  Here’s how my buddy Dave Glenn described them recently on his blog at … 

  … The “Herb Haters” are the same bunch of angry, mean-spirited, simple-minded, truth-challenged, pathetic, chronically unfair message-board morons who spend huge chunks of their lives attacking EVERYONE — their coaches, the media, the NCAA, the officials, their players, each other, etc. — with (1) frighteningly high levels of paranoia, cynicism, ignorance and negativity, and (2) quite possibly the lowest level of intellect, logic and reasonable thought in the history of mankind. Frankly, given their track record, it’s amazing that some of these people are able to walk in the upright position and function in daily life (assumedly with opposable thumbs) without hurting themselves.

Trust me. After 20 years in the media, I know the difference between reasonable and unreasonable critics. I respect those in the former category. I couldn’t possibly have less respect for the latter. :O)

…Give’em hell Smokey Dave!!


     Which story will generate the most media attention now … “The Ho & The Preppies” or “Herb’s Gone – Who’s Next?”  Paranoid Wuffoonies will be counting every word and baying at the moon in their fashion … Coaches might change but fans NEVER do.

 E-mail BobLee at

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