No Heavier Burden …

January17/ 2000

… as the smoke cleared from the respective gridiron battlefields on Saturday, we couldn’t help thinking that by January 4 only a mere handful of fan bases will be truly “happy”.  BobLee offers some incredibly astute pre-bowl season analysis…. Ol’ Roy has “something special” brewing in Dean’s Dome …. And “whattayaknow” about “that Mercury Commercial Hottie”… Our Mythbusters introduce you to JILL WAGNER.

    The “end of the season” sees many Cinderella carriages reduced to rotting pumpkins.  Loonie fan expectations ALWAYS exceed realistic expectations.  Remember when Alabama was undefeated and a BCSing “for sure”.  And Tennessee was a Top Five team in early September.  And Blacksburg loonies were booking charters to Pasadena.  You can bet that should Mack lose to Pete, the “he ain’t Darrell” crowd on Austin’s 6th Street will be heard from.  And Bob Stoops … where the heck is that “genius” these days.  There is no joy in Ann Arbor.  At BCS HQ – those clowns dodged a bullet … but their scheme is still flawed.

    But, on the other hand … No Golden Domer really expected Charlie to be BCSing quite this quick … and where’s that hill in Happy Valley that JoePa was surely way over?  

    At 6:05 PM on Sunday night the Franklin Street Constipation Society held an executive committee meeting on the steps of “Amber Alley”.  It’s purpose was to OFFICIALLY declare “that Charlotte Bowl” to be “minor”, “insignificant”, and “probably run by some redneck pig farmer”.  Yes, the same bowl that, exactly one year ago, the same Franklin Street crowd anointed as “the 5th major” has now been demoted for reasons “possibly” related to its team selections for this year.

   After ratifying it’s action, the committee declared the month of December as “Hardcore Mack-bashing Month”.  Again, we believe this was also related to bowl selections announced earlier in the day.  Bitter Tar Heels will take turns marching Franklin Street’s sidewalks and UNC message boards screaming “HE LIED TO DA BOYS” … “HE CAN”T WIN THE BIG ONE” … and “IF IT WASN”T FOR THAT IDIOT BADDOUR, WE WOULD BE PLAYING SOUTHERN CAL”.  Normal people encountering these pathetic halfwits are warned to steer clear as they carry “mad cow disease”, “bird flu”, and a moronic strain of ebola virus.

    Oddly and simultaneously, the Western Boulevard SlapHappy Paranoiacs are touting the upcoming Meineke Car Care Bowl as “the true world championship” with the winners to play “Peyton & The Colts” at a site to be determined.  Their “Andre For Heisman” sub-committee is preparing a “Reggie Bush is a Fraud” report to be nailed to the front door of The News & Observer by Tom Reed riding Monte Kiffin’s horse. South Florida beat Louisville … Louisville pummeled Carolina … ergo … IF NCSU beats USF that negates Sept 24 and NCSU should be at least #3 in the final polls … right?  Wonder if T.A. McLendon will drive over from Albemarle for the game?

    Return with us now to reality … “BC got screwed” and exiled to Boise BECAUSE their traveling fan base to last year’s Tire Bowl came in one Dodge Caravan.  Attempts by Boston College to count coaches wives and a Tryon Street homeless guy who looked liked Johnny Damon was denied by bowl officials.  

    The ACC link with Boise’ MPC Computer Bowl is STOOPID!  Sorry Little Johnny but that was NOT your finest finagling.  Boise is a nice place.  I spent 3 days there last year.  Very “frontiery” and cordial but the average ACC fan has a global prespective limited to how far he can spit with a strong wind at his back.  “Going to Boise” will always be a joke to ACC fans.  Boise Bowl guru Gary Beck is a smart guy.  Gary should drop the ACC connection for one with a conference within 2 time zones of Idaho.  Nashville makes sense and “maybe” even Ft Worth but never Boise. … moving right along …

Will the last one of Algroh’s assistants to flee Charlottesville please return his Bill Dudley commemorative keychain and Sallie Hemming Swimsuit Calendar.  

Have you seen that Mercury commercial with the long-legged hottie?  OK, you have probably “seen” the commercial but had no clue what cars it was advertising … because that long-legged hottie was all you noticed.  Her name is Jill Wagner.  The commercial has 4-5 cars lined up and this babe wearing slacks, stilettos and a fuzzy blue sweater walks past the cars saying who cares what.  BobLee loves that “BowFlex 50 year old babe”, but Jill is a keeper for sure.  Jill is from Winston-Salem but that’s not the OH NO factor in this.  Jill Wagner, the Mercury Hottie, is a business major graduate of NORTH CAROLINA STATE UNIVERSITY!  Say it ain’t so BobLee!

An NCSU coed without cloven hooves or a snout … how can this be?  What’s next … a poor Baptist from Iowa attending Duke … a Young Republican elected student body prez at UNC … an undergrad at ECU with 900+ on SAT?  Could these “they’re all a buncha _____” institutional slander myths be unfounded?  Ya think?

Move over Deano … there is a for real NEW LEGEND in “the holy of holies”.  OL’ ROY IS A FREAKIN’ GENIUS!  There, I’ve said it and I’m standing by it.  I loved Ol’ Roy way back when he told Bob Fredericks “I’m staying” and I love that sonofagun even more today.  Roy’s Kiddie Korps will still have a few stumbles and are not quite ready to defend their NC against all comers but Lord have mercy … ya gotta love these kids.  

David Noel is “the next George Lynch” … he is a bonafide “warrior”.  

Wes Miller is not actually UNC’s “Rudy” but lets say he is because it sounds good.  40 years of “dorky little white kids on the end of the bench” are cheering for him to keep shooting 3’s.

What I loved about “Tyler and Bobby” on Saturday was that they were NOT jumping all around throwing “Tiger fist pumps” and acting like giddy 9th graders who just made the JV team.  “Tyler and Bobby” acted liked beating UK in Rupp Arena was what they expected to do when they shook on their deals with Ol’ Roy.  And indeed it was.  The obscene name calling and battery dodging will be worse at Cameron and RBC later this winter but not too much worse.  Welcome to BIG TIME College BB boys … looks like you belong here.

Let’s join in a chorus of Auld Lang Syne because “the year to beat Ol’ Roy if you’re ever going to“ is officially over.  This bunch will lose 6-8 more and some loonie freaks will bellyache but it doesn’t matter.  Yes, BobLee will have more “Roygasms” when necessary.   

And meanwhile back in Lexington … disbelieving UK fans, being EXACTLY like UNC fans, are blaming “the media”. “the refs”, “their AD”, and Dick Vitale, Billy Packer, and Ashley Judd … not necessarily in that order.  


 Swagger’s Stumper

Within two years … how long has Ricky Proehl been in the NFL?


    Kaye Corleone (aka Diane Keaton) was aka “Annie Hall” and also the psycho chick “looking for Mr Goodbar”.

    Remember to checkout and … both are excellent fan sites that do not cater to the missing chromosome crowd. 

    Yes, Swagger saw the hooligan punks at the Colorado v Nebraska game … more on that later.

    BobLee is taking booking for ALIVE appearances in 2006.  Popular dates fill up fast.  Contact “the Guys” below.

 [email protected]

0 0 votes
Article Rating
Notify of
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Would love your thoughts, please comment.x