Nelly, No Names, and Cyber Combat

January17/ 2000

Unknown Todd Hamilton wins The Open … a BLS Buddy loses an election … Charlotte’s sordid NBA history gets another DOH! (that sound Homer Simpson makes) … a lesson in e-mail elbow throwing … and Swagger compares notes with a Golden Domer … not necessarily in that order.

   I’ve never met Todd Hamilton that I know of.  Considering that I am on-site at a dozen PGA Tour events each year that doesn’t speak well for Todd’s Q Factor … until now.  Can you imagine being in the global spotlight like he was against a seasoned pro like Ernie Els and Els blinked.  Sure, Todd had won the Honda Classic earlier in the year but, quick, “who cared” other than his banker.

   The string of whozit majors winners continues albeit interrupted by Phil and Retief.  Speaking of Retief … what’s with that name?  Is it South African for Bruce or what.  If you looked in the Cape Town phone book, are there like 275 “Retiefs”?  No offense intended to the Goosens, just wondering.

   At least “Tiger didn’t win” was not the headline any longer.  Give El Tigre a rest.  I predicted 5 years ago that Robert Gamez (a “prince” of a fine fellow, BTW) would never win another PGA event.  He won his very first as you may recall.  I am not ready to predict the same for Tiger.

   Amy’s hubby, the Hugh Grant lookalike, continues a string of outstanding “majors”.

   Speaking of “being in the spotlight” … a long time friend of mine ran for the 2nd time in a Repub primary for US Congress on Tuesday.  He was defeated, for a 2nd time.  He is a fine young man with sincere political ambition.  In his late 30s, he must now reassess that ambition.  Running for a political office takes incredible courage regardless of party affiliation.  How many of us lay it all on the line so openly.  You “win” or you “lose” and how can “defeat” not be taken personally.  I called him Wednesday AM to offer what consolation I could. People run for office for all sorts of reasons but its still the ultimate “Do you like me?”  


   I called a good friend who is a life time Golden Domer … has had season tics in South Bend since Ara’s days.  Researching my hypothesis on academic compromises, we discussed Paul Hornung’s comments about ND being competitive on-the-field.  Other than the unfortunately stupid racial references, my Irish expert absolutely agreed with the hypothesis.


   I was in Charlotte when the news broke that rapper, Nelly, will be a minority partner for minority owner Bob(Cat) Johnson.  I recall when Little Georgie Shinn was the toast of Trade & Tryon despite a well-earned reputation as a cheesy con man.  Georgie added to the reputation during his wild ride as Hornets owner.

   All I know about “Nelly” is that he is a “rapper” (or “hip hopper” if that is different) qualifying him to be featured in one of those “Come see my crib” documentaries.  For some unexplained reason I watch those things … EVERY single one is exactly alike.  I’m convinced there is simply one tacky mansion with the obligatory “media room”, 12 car garage, giant hot tub, and the, also obligatory” framed and autographed Magic Johnson jersey in the hallway.  BET or whoever brings in various “rappers”, hands them the same script and does the same tour.  The phrase “this is where me and my boys be chillin’” is repeated at least 8 times on each tour regardless of who the “rapper” is.

   I never saw George’s Hornets play … I cannot envision seeing Bob(Cat) and Nelly’s BobCats play.  I doubt my opinion on this somewhat controversial marketing decision was taken into consideration.  Good thing … I really don’t have one. I’d chose Nelly over Linda Ronstadt for sure!

   George Shinn tried to appeal to Charlotte’s whitebread population with Kelly Tripucka and Rex Whoever from Kentucky.  It worked for a while.  Bob(Cat) Johnson certainly understands “urban culture”.  Let’s watch this one develop.


Swagger’s Stumper

Name the 10 starters in the epic 

NC State vs Maryland ACC Tourn game in 1974.


   Yours truly got into a slight e-mail altercation earlier this week.  A long time reader, of the very left wing persuasion, finally went “TILT” (was it the Anita Hill reference?) and fired a cyber shot across our bow.  Firing shots at moi is quite OK and happens frequently.  The Lib Lady that used “vomit” and “wicked” in the same paragraph is still my fave (and I mean that sincerely).

   This particular reader goes back to our early days.  I know nothing about him demographically (age, occupation, life experiences) but did know from earlier comments that he was MUCH more “typical UNC grad” than I ever was or will be in regards to ideology.

   There was a time in my misspent middle age when I actually debated “those people” via e-mail.  One of a number of ridiculous avocations that I have outgrown over the years along with eating jalapenos by the spoonful and wearing corfam shoes.  But my prior experiences had taught me the “Three Volley” Rule.

   Three Volley Rule: When someone you do not know very well, or at all, sends you an unexpected e-mail attacking your core beliefs and in so doing your intelligence … you will likely “volley back”.  He/she will return your volley and you reply to their reply.  Regardless of the veiled tone of the initial shot … by the 3rd volley all rubber tips are off the arrows and you are shooting to kill or maim, not to wound.  This “rule” applies regardless of whether the originating sender leans right or left.

   I should have known better with this one but he appealed to my curiosity with his style.  His entry point was criticizing my criticism of Huggy The Stumbling Drunk because, of course, George Bush had a DWI 20 years ago.  For a UNC fan to come to Huggy’s defense told me I was dealing with a radical leftwinger first and a Tar Heel second.  That was too tempting to ignore.

   All of his subsequent “points” came direct from Terry McAuliffe’s toilet bowl BUT he carefully avoided the two combustible “H” words – Halliburton and Hitler.  That was unique considering it was a lengthy opening diatribe. He employed a tactic I immediately recognized, having used it myself … he wrapped his insults in “semantical bubblewrap” … avoid the actual KABOOM words but bury razor blades and fishhooks throughout your remarks.  “Imply it but don’t say it” so you can counter any strong reaction with the classic “I didn’t realize you were so sensitive” admonishment.

   Cut your doltish opponent to pieces without him ever feeling a thing … in the hands of a “master” it is a thing of beauty to behold.  My cyber opponent was talented but showed his hand way too early. I saw it coming in his opening paragraph. 

   He knew he was insulting me … I knew he was insulting me … he wasn’t sure I knew he knew I was being insulted.  He used the standard pseudo-intellectual smugness that is SOP for “the Left”.  I countered by claiming the Judeo-Christian moral high ground that is “the Right’s” traditional gambit. By the 3rd volley we had achieved “gridlock” … I was simply too un-smart to see the obvious fallacy of my stoopid convictions … and I had him on an express bus to the utter depths of Hell. … and you wonder why I swore off engaging in such delightful pursuits.

   I used to play these silly games with “Fruitcake Freddie” until Freddie found an old tin foil hat behind Sutton’s Drug Store and started getting cryptic messages from a fox squirrel claiming to be Rose Kennedy’s tai chi instructor.


The OLYMPICS Are Coming … and I still DON’T CARE!

Charlie Wooster worked for Major Seth Adams on Wagon Train

Wishbone ran the chuckwagon, assisted by Mushy, for Gil Favor’s Rawhide cattle drive

Mr Smee was aide-de-camp for Captain Hook

BobLee Alive at Triad Sports Club at noon on August 3 – Marriott PTI

Comments, Threats and What’s the deal with Terry Hunter anyway?

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